We made it. Our hearts have been battered, our throats are raw from screaming, our faces got a workout from all the feelings, and our brains were taken on a loopty-loop, but we made it through season 2. How’s everyone doing? Like, EVERYONE. You guys, the actors, writers, producers, key grips, camera operators, catering services, people from the future who are binge watching in 2046… how is literally EVERYONE doing after this episode destroyed our souls, and then sewed them back up again like a child’s toy who got its head ripped off? Do you need a 40 minute shower followed by all the ice cream? Me too.
You know what my new favourite thing about this show is? Everything. Everything, everything, every gosh darn thing. This episode brought us everything we could have dreamed. New intrigue, soooooo much death, broken hearts, hurt feelings, reunions, character surprises, sweet, sweet revenge and so many hugs! Once again The 100 is asking us moral questions that I bet no one on the planet would have a sufficient answer to. This glorious, beautiful, horrific show is constantly showing us simply terrible, unsolvable situations and asking, what would you do? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I have no idea. All I know is my solution would involve wintergreen taffy and a musical number. Would I MURDER an entire community of people? Would I watch as my mother’s bone marrow was sucked dry? Would I put my hair into a ponytail? No one knows!
But we DO know what our Adventure Squad did, so let’s photo-recap it!
The episode began with a jerky messiah being a jerk.
Holy shit balls! That is a legitimate sea creature from the depths of hell. Welcome!
You guys, we already knew Jaha was the Admiral of Crazyopolis, we knew he was disrespectful to the ladies, and we knew he had a messiah complex that puffed his ego to the size of a hell-beast-sea-creature. What we didn’t quite know is that Jaha is a straight-up murderous asshole. Firstly, he wasn’t even rowing. RUDE. This is NOT the guy you want on your dodgeball team, or your band of survivors in a zombie apocalypse. He would absolutely will cut out your achilles tendon and run away so the zombies feed on you instead. Not that I’ve brainstormed how to survive a zombie attack…
Jaha threw this teen into the water, and the sea-beast was all, “thanks, Bro!” and stopped attacking. Was it full? Was that like a sacrifice to the sea-Gods to let them pass? Did Jaha lace the Red Shirt’s blood with chamomile tea to put the creature to sleep? I HAVE QUESTIONS.
Meanhile, in a dark lonely Reaper cave, Octavia finally got a friend when Fox came down the shoot VERY dead. Whoops! Then she and Clarke had a tense reunion. Octavia was pissed that Clarke didn’t always have all the answers all the time for every possible scenario and all possible alternate universe timelines.
This scene lead to so many hugs, including a Bellamy / Octavia reunion and a THREE-WAY hug between Clarke, Jasper and Monty that made my heart explode. Can we discuss how awesome it is that Clarke had ZERO good ideas in this scene? This show does characterisation right. She’s not infallible. She’s just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to murder a ton of people with her.
Clarke, Bellamy and Monty went to hero-around, while Jasper, Octavia and Maya went to brain-storm a way to get her to season 3.
Meanwhile in the forest, Lincoln was tied to a tree for throwing that hissy last episode.
You guys, Indra is still the coolest! She let Lincoln go! He’s now banished from Grounderville, which is going to mean some pretty interesting developments come Season 3. Yay!
Cage was walking around level 5 like a creepy uncle when he was summoned to the marrow-extraction laboratory.
Oh no! Cage has Abby and Cane and Miller’s cool dad and Monroe! Then they had the nerve to take my precious, beautiful Goddess Raven.
At this point I feel it pertinent to inform you that I am currently on a family va-cay in Florida. When this happened to my beloved Raven, my mom burst into the room, looked around for intruders, then put her hands on her hips and said, “I thought you were being murdered!” To which I replied, “This show is currently murdering my heart and soul.” Then my mom shook her head and punched her way through the wall to the pool. (My mom is tiny, but deceptively strong).
Of course, Raven being Raven, she BIT A GUY’S EAR OFF. Because of course she did. *swoon*
The Adventure Squad paid a visit to the Mountain King, and interrupted his musical-writing.
He can’t! No one can! Oh, glorious show!
Meanwhile, the Beautiful Creepster had been injured by the sea creature.
What a douche! I have to admit, this scene made me so damn happy. The Beautiful Creepster is free from Jaha! Huzzah! And the land rejoiced! Quick question – how many people died to fulfill Jaha’s “destiny”?
Jasper and Octavia got Maya to a breath-friendly zone, then Jasper vowed to murder Cage to keep Maya safe. I love how ALL OVER this plan Octavia was. “Murder? Yes please! Let’s do it! Can we do it right now? Love murder so much, you guys.” Haha, oh Octavia.
The Adventure Squad got into the control room and threatened the Mountain King to make the Prince give up. Of course, it wasn’t the end of the episode, so that wasn’t going to fly.
And then she shot him!
Farewell, Mountain King. You must’ve known how much I loved you. Your vague morality, your grade-A creepiness, the way you over-pronounce vowels… I will never forget you. If you happen to survive a bullet wound to the chest, please come back to us in Season 3 and pepper the show with more creepy pseudo-villainy. I will love you always and forever.
Clarke was like, “yo bud, I follow through with shit, as you can see with the brutal death of your father. So, just let my pals go, and the rest of your people won’t die.” And the Mountain Prince was all, “nahhhhh”. MOUNTAIN PRINCE, YOU FOOL. Kane even said they would donate their bone marrow!
Instead, Cage strapped Abby to the marrow extraction table. Because making Clarke mad is a solid plan, dude.
Jasper said he loved her! Awwwwww. I bet this will work out fine.
Elsewhere in a… bunker?.. the Beautiful Creepster awoke from his cat-nap and found a sweet bachelor pad!
Yay! I hope he finds his Ninja Turtle lady and brings her back here. They’re sure to get cowabunga, ammiright???
Octavia gave Maya a nice pep talk, which resulted in Maya being pretty chill about her inevitable demise.
Then two horny teens busted in, as horny teens do, and the jig was up, but Octavia chased down the guards and DESTROYED them. Like, damn girl! Come to my birthday party! Then they were chased off, and very inconspicuously ended up in the cafeteria.
Everyone was in danger! It was decision-making time!
They did it! They pulled the lever And EVERYONE DIED. The entire Mount Weather team was destroyed in one fell swoop.
This was beautiful and horrible and devastating. For once, Clarke doesn’t have to bear the responsibility of her decisions alone. For once, there’s someone who made it with her, who helped her execute it. She doesn’t have to hold the guilt of all those deaths on her shoulders alone because Bellamy made the choice with her. Wowzers, show.
Meanwhile, Jasper was psyching himself up for some murder.
But then the alarm went off.
First Maya’s hot dad, then the amazingly creepy Mountain King, now my charmingly adorable Maya?? My heart.
Just as we thought the Mountain Prince was going to live to fight another season, Lincoln showed up to give him some sweet, sweet Kool Aid.
Not only did Lincoln get revenge for whole Reaper misunderstanding, but he also overcame his addiction. Yay! Oh, and he CUT OFF CAGE’S HAND. Which was awesome.
The Adventure Squad freed their captured comrades and a montage of reunions and hugs filled our TV screens, and it was everything I’ve ever wanted on this, or any, show. Not only was it set to a rendition of Knocking on Heaven’s Door that will haunt my dreams, but it was also simultaneously poignantly sad and joyous. Then, as all the shippers looked on in glee and horror, Clarke told Bellamy she’s leaving.
How long do we think our beloved heroine will be separated from the Adventure Squad? Will she build herself a tree-house and carve a statue of Anya out of a tree stump? Will she tame the Gorilla and live in its pit? Will she change her mind and return in the season opener, all “Psych! I love Indian food!” The possibilities are endless!
Speaking of questions:
WHO ARE YOU, SIR?? The Beautiful Creepster is basically sitting in that same position. Is he sitting in this gentleman’s guts? Is the body behind the couch? Did someone come in and take it after his lady-friend (presumably) blew up the world and there was no one left? What a delicious mystery for us to noodle on in the long, desolate break.
A hologram has the nuclear bomb Jaha rode down on! WHAT? Such intrigue! What is even… do you think she’s a lead singer in a band? I HOPE SO!
YOU GUYS. I hate to see our awesome, violent teen adventure go, but at least it left us with an episode that DELIVERED. Yes, we have to wait for the Adventure Squad to return, but in the meantime, we get to go crazy wondering what the eff is going on. WHAT FUN!
Wishes for Season 3:
Clarke learns how to whittle.
Miller’s Awesome Dad and Lincoln start a pottery club.
The Mountain King comes back as a ghost and haunts everyone, smelling their hair and stealing their toenails.
Get Monty a love interest, like Harper or Miller or Monroe or Miller or the Gorilla or MILLER.
Bellamy cuts his hair.
- “She is not an outsider.” – “Yes she is.” Emo Octavia, I love you. Never change.
- Raven returned Jasper’s goggles, which reminded us all of a time when he was just a goofball dork, saving sexy ladies from giant snakes and getting speared in the chest. I bet he misses those days.
- “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.” – Am I mistaken, or did Clarke say this exact thing to Bellamy last season? WELL DONE, show.
- For those of you who wanted the Mountain King Musical. You’re… welcome?
Well guys, that’s it from me. I will miss our time together. I will miss the violence, the intrigue, the twists, but most of all, I’ll miss the puns. See you for Season 3! BYEEE
[Originally Posted March 2015 on tv.com]