The 100 “Children of Gabriel” Photo-Recap; Look Who’s Coming For Dinner (6.3)

World building! Mythology! Cults! Pretty dresses! Smooching! Beheadings! Intrigue! Grounders 2.0! Vegetables! This episode had it all!

We’ve seen our Adventure Squad face many a foe in the past. We’ve seen them adapt to dangerous environments and political struggles. We’ve seen them fight to survive while slugging through muddy moral waters. But never have we seen them like this; completely at the mercy of someone else’s judgement of their worth. We’ve never seen them have to JUSTIFY their survival before.

Sure, they’ve looked inward, and they’ve asked themselves whether or not they deserve their own survival. However, in this episode Clarke had to make a powerpoint presentation to prove her people’s worthiness, and girl came up SHORT.

I loved this episode, you guys, and not just because of my undying crush on J.R. Bourne. The previous episode, Red Sun Rising, stripped our beloved Squad down, turned them into blistering raw open wounds, and it was beautiful and terrifying. But when that was done and the wacko-dust settled, The Children of Gabriel stepped in and was like, “hold my Jo-Juice”. They now had to face not just what they did last episode, but everything they had become. They had to see themselves through the eyes of their new hosts, and I’m not so sure they liked what they saw.

I REALLY LIKED IT, IS WHAT I’M SAYING.

The episode picked up right where Red Sun Rising left off; with everyone getting acquainted.

Meet Russell Lightbourne; the man, the myth, the legend. The episode didn’t make us wait long to 1) meet this glorious hunk of a man, and 2) be assured of the Beautiful Creepster’s survival. Russel was all, “hey, ya’ll want a creep-ass snake to pump your pal full of anti-poison juice?” and the Squad was like, “sure?” So he did, and it was gross and cool, and a sigh of relief was heard across the land.

Get ready to hear this a lot because I will say it about seventeen (thousand) more times; J.R. Bourne is an absolute treat and I’m so happy he’s finally made it onto this violent romp of a television extravaganza. He pulled so many emotional flip flops that I thought for a sec we stumbled into my high school prom (DON’T ASK).

In bar-jail, the Squad had a fun debate over whether or not to just murder everyone, but it was interrupted by some very friendly cult enthusiasts.

GET IT??? Cause, drinking the kool-aid, heh heh. Anyway, the Sanctumites were all, “you know our girl Josephine? Hallowed be her name!” and the Squad was all, “ohhhhhhhh nooooooooooo,” which was surprisingly funny. Then the new girl explained that the moon was colonized by four “prime” families, and that “their blood still rules us today,” which is a fun way to say; “we have nightblood and we’re weird about it.”

Russell told the Squad to bring their ship inside the shield because there are super fun things outside the wall that we will for sure get to see (I’m pumped), and also THE BODIES. Clarke was jazzed about the road trip because Madi was out there, but Russel was all, “nuh uh, hang out with meeeeeeeeeeee!” so she had to stay behind.

Madi told Gaia about the dark commander trying to get her attention, and Gaia was all, “just say you have a boyfriend and he’ll back off,” (sad topical joke). Apparently the flame amplifies a person’s good/evil meter, and this dude did not handle it well. And now he lives in Madi’s mind! I’m sure it’ll be fine.

As this convo was happening, Diyoza was busy throwing knives into a forest and sneak-attack murdering some Grounders 2.0.

The Grounders 2.0 used some paralysis darts that rendered our trio unable to move, but still conscious. It was kind of like me the day after I do any kind of sports activity.

There is a dog on The 100. I am very afraid for the life of that good doggo, you guys. VERY AFRAID. #WeDontDeserveDogs

Anyway, Clarke told Russel how they got into Sanctum, and he was like, “cool thanks, maybe I’ll let you guys hang out at my place, maybe, I don’t know, we’ll see how I feel and how good you are at Twister.”

Back in bar-jail, the Squad was nursing their wounds when the Beautiful Creepster woke up and was like, “I saw something… I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell.” This was upsetting, and I would like someone to give that boy some ice cream PRONTO.

Jordan was flirting with a girl and it was so cuuuuuuuuuuuute I just wanted to pinch his little cheeks! I know this guy is in his late 20s (?), but his wide-eyed kind innocence makes him seem like a child, and he must be protected AT ALL COST.

Among the adorable over-load, was also some info. It was this lady’s naming-day-eve! She’s going to become Priya the 7th (hallowed be her name). That’s not creepy at all, you guys. Not creepy at allllllllllllllllll. Oh, and Clarke interrupted, and Jordan was like, “QUIT BEING A C-BLOCK, MAN!” And Clarke was like, “copy that”, and left. This whole thing was honestly so refreshing. I love it when these characters get to be human to each other.

Oh Jordan, you beautiful, lovable dummy!

Meanwhile, the Grounders 2.0 cut off the heads of the Primes in order to give them as a gift to an “old man” who was mad at them or something. It all seemed very sweet and I hope they’re able to work things out.

Diyoza wasn’t paralyzed! She’s so wily and dreamy. Anyway, she started to strategize with Madi through a series of blinks, and now they’re best friends (is it weird how much I want it?).

The road trip was cut short because the team heard the “death to primes” chant coming from the ship, and the Sanctumites were like, “we’re missing tacos for this? NO THANK YOU.” So they peaced out and left our Squad to hero by themselves.

Clarke came down the stairs in a moment that is the closest this show will ever come to a teen rom-com. EVERYONE TURNED TO LOOK AT HOW PRETTY SHE WAS. *happy giggle* Anyway, Abby gave her a pep talk so she could go save all their lives with her charm.

So off Clarke went with the fate of her people placed squarely on her shoulders. Call it a Tuesday.

The SASS coming off this woman was grade-A, and I honestly hope she becomes a series regular.

Clarke tried to make her case, but turns out Russell already knew everything about her, including all those pesky mass murders she was hoping to keep off her resume. All of Jordan’s stories had made it back to him. *tsk* Jordaaaaaaaan! *shakes finger* *tries not to smile* *can’t stay mad at him* So now the Squad is getting evicted before they even got to try some Jo Juice!

The Grounders 2.0 were packing up to vamoose when Octavia swooped in and did a whole whack of murder. Just so much of it. For no reason. [I like to think it wasn’t JUST because she loves murder so much (she loves it so much) but also because it’s what she’s good at, and she needed to feel useful].

Anyway, Bellamy wasn’t pleased about it.   

Bellamy LEFT HER THERE. He… he left her on a strange moon with unknown dangers, and no shampoo.

Like it usually does, this show has made me see both sides, but that just makes me mad DOUBLE! On one hand, if Octavia remains murder-happy, then she’ll be a liability, and quite possibly put the whole Adventure Squad at risk. Bellamy, as their sworn protector, can’t allow that.

On the other hand, “my sister died a long time ago,” seems like, “I’m done with you, so you can die now.” Just because you no longer see her as your sister, doesn’t mean she’s not a person in her own right.

Would he be leaving her behind if she wasn’t his sister? If he wasn’t so disappointed in who she has become? If his hurt didn’t run so deep? You guys, my heart is ouchie*.

Jordan Jasper Green is getting some action from someone who is VERY understanding about the fact that he has zero sexy-times experience. Girl has NO questions. I KNOW his story, and even *I* have questions. Like, did Monty and Harper still give him the sex talk even though there was no one around to implement it with? Did they make a pros and cons list about him going into cryo at the exact age the Adventure Squad was? Was Monty like, “get in there, man, you don’t want to be on #TeamAdults, they have less adventures!” Did they have access to porn on the ship, or movies or tv of any kind? Or was Jordan’s only concept of a woman HIS MOM? If that was the case, who did he masterbate to?

YOU GUYS THESE ARE THINGS I THINK ABOUT SOMEONE HELP ME.

Anyway, they were about to do some sex, but Future Priya the 7th got princess-napped, which pretty much killed the mood.

Clarke came a’looking for Jordan in order to cuss him out for spilling the whole damn cup of tea, but instead she found him passed out sans a cult princess.

Clarke caught the princess-thief and they had a kerfuffle. Her hand was cut in the process, and out poured that sweet sweet nightblood for all to see.

Since Clarke saved Future Priya the 7th, Russell was like, “you’re alright, kid,” and decided to let them all stay. It was totally because Clarke is the best, and NOT because of her blood. *clears throat* Anyway…

It was all happy fun times, with everyone hugging (you know I’m #HereForTheHugs), and declaring their undying love for each other, and setting up pre-natal appointments, but WHOOPS, remember how Diyoza was a legit terrorist? Russell had learned all about her, and was like, “hard pass, thanks.” So now Diyoza is being sent to the outside and OMG is she going to team up with Octavia??  

These two have had under five minutes of screen-time together but I am ABOUT this relationship! Don’t ask me why because I simply cannot say, but the weird shrivelled-up heart wants what the weird shrivelled-up heart wants!

Rose (another Prime) was successfully princess-napped by the Grounders 2.0, but then Octavia showed up and my heart was like, “ohhhhh she’s going to rescue the kid!” The 2.0 Leader was all, “nothing to see here, just a fun road trip. Wanna join?” And Octavia was all, “I’d prefer tacos.” Then she was gassed by a some fire-pollen and taken, too!

And there we have it! Having the closing moments of the episode zoom in on Octavia in agony seems pretty accurate. Do you guys think she was picking a fight in order to die? I do!

We’re three episodes into season 6, and I’m hyped for what’s to come. The small moments between the characters are truly hooking me. The nods, smiles, shoulder pats and hand holds, the running hugs and the banter – that’s what I’m here for (that and the violence). These people have been through so much, and they’re showing it in every gesture. I’m so glad this season is not only letting the characters stew in their broken relationships, but also letting them be comfortable in the strong ones.

Who’s jazzed for next week???

SOME STUFF

• So does that guy just carry around a poison-be-gone snake in a can all day? Is that his job?

• What is happening to our Beautiful Creepster??? What did he seeeeeee??? Was it ice-cream related, do you think? Like maybe the world had run out?

• If you had a choice between a road trip or tacos with a cult leader, which would it be?

• “Don’t worry Murphy, hell’s big enough for both of us.”

• That talk between Abby and the Beautiful Creepster… 😍. I sometimes forget the bond they have, then the show reminds me, and I’m like, “OH YEAH!” in such a happy way.

• Everyone in the bar-jail marvelling at how darn cute Jordan was while he flirted was low-key the best moment of this episode. “We need to work on your game. I owe your pops that much.” *heart freakin’ eyes*

• Bellamy backing Clarke’s leadership was on the surface a strategic play to stay in Russell’s good books, but just below the surface, this boy is very tired of leading alone.

• Calling the bodies “the hosts”… hmmmm, Selina’s theory is getting some pretty strong backing!

• Look, dogs don’t just bite children’s faces or eat babies. What did Russell’s dad do to that dog, you guys? #JusticeForFaceBiter #WeDontDeserveDogs

• Since when do we get mad at Octavia for murdering????

• Clarke ain’t no fool. She knows Russell is letting them stay because of her blood, and she is 100% correct in not wanting them to know Madi has nightblood, too. Good momming, Clarke!

• That thing where a guy says something is beautiful but he’s REALLY looking at the girl. I, a grown-ass woman, should hate it BUT I DON’T. The 100 was pulling out all the rom-com cliches tonight, and I will never apologize for LOVING IT.

• “I was just being friendly.” Hahahhaha, Jordan, never change.

• More Raven please! More Raven and the Beautiful Creepster together, please!

• * “My <body part> is ouchie,” is something my students say all the time, and I have adopted it into my everyday speech with no regrets.

[Yet another side-note – disregard my previous message about the post-dates of my recaps. I thought the time difference would be my bane, but it has in fact been a boon. The recaps will be up the very next day like always. Who needs sleep??? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA RIGHT??? *falls down for no reason*]

OKAY FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, BYE!