Sanditon Episode 5 Photo-Recap; Take Me Out To The Cricket Match

Huh. Here I thought Sidney and Charlotte absolutely hated each other, that’s final, no take-backs, but it seems they can’t help but let smiles light up their faces at the other’s mere presence. What a surprise! *stupid giggle* 

This is usually the point in a season of television where narratives begin to spin their wheels, throwing in filler episodes or irrelevant side-quests. Luckily, Sanditon’s wheels are planted firmly on the ground, pulling the story along, keeping up with the flow of the dramatic traffic. 

Things are HAPPENING, is what I’m saying. Ah, beautiful plot development, how I adore thee. 

Oh Ms. Griffiths, you grumpy rube. Charlotte visited with “a book to read”, and they secured their privacy from Georgiana’s guardian by saying that she’s shy. SHY. Ms. Griffiths ate up the performance like it was Girl Guide Mint Thins, and then the girls got to the REAL matter at hand – a sexy letter from Otis asking for a date. 

Mean Old Rich Lady is a hardcore Babs and Ester shipper, so she made Esther send him a letter. Quick question – what is their shipper name? I know they must have one. Estington? Babster? OMG please tell me it’s #Babster! 

Tom is having some trouble with his workers, what with him not paying them and all. Did someone forget to tell Tom what being an employer is? Anyway, they bickered at each other for a bit, but the Charlotte showed up and saved him because no one wants to argue in front of a delicate lady. 

Esther reminded Sir Zombiebreath that she is a legitimate foxy queen, and that other men recognize her as such. Sir Tootsalot was like, “nawwww, you’re mine, though!” And she was like, “am I?” And he was like, “AREN’T YOU???” Ugh. I hope he gets diarrhea.

Meanwhile, Charlotte got a an idea for a little light subterfuge and ran to tell Georgiana, who was wistfully reading Otis’ letter.

They came up with a plan for a clandestine meeting, which I’m sure will work out fine. 

Babs likes everything about Esther for the right reasons. It isn’t about winning her, it isn’t about taming her, and it isn’t about conquering a difficult woman. Babs wants Esther FOR Esther, and darn it if I’m not TOTALLY ON BOARD. #BabsterForever

Related – what is Crow’s deal, and why do I want a spin-off series about him? He’s just such a tall sardonic drink of vinegar, and I can’t get enough. Who hurt you, Crow? WHO HURT YOU??

Anyway, Sidney told Griffiths that she’s in charge now because he won’t be back (haha, sure bud), then he was like, “Georgiana, you can go to the cricket match, have fun, what could possibly go wrong at a cricket match?? Haha, everything is fine, I am fine.” 

I am so torn!! On the one hand, both of these characters are not great most of the time. The Rev is rather creepy, and Griffiths does take her job of imprisoning young girls rather too seriously. On the other hand, I love me a December romance. I don’t know man, my Austen-loving heart just wants everyone to be happy. 

ANYWAY, Charlotte and Georgiana immediately got to scheemin’ as Babs tried to flirt with Esther. 

It was ELECTRIC. She shot him down as per usual, but you could see her armour cracking, and his heart growing three sizes at her very presence. 

As this beautiful love story was unfolding before our very eyes, Tom was experiencing mild cardiac arrest at the absence of the workers, whom he was meant to play cricket against. 

Their entrance was very dramatic and full of working-class sass, and I love every last one of them.

Then our love-triangle needs were met as Charlotte wished BOTH Stringer and Sidney good luck in the match, although one was cute and flirty and one was filled with angsty misunderstanding. 

Arthur getting a hit and being just the most pleased out of anyone anywhere was adorable and soul-healing. 

Alternatively: 

What demon has nestled itself in your heart, Crow??? If he can look THAT haunted just sitting on a bench at a cricket match, what would he look like on the moors?? Someone write me this fanfic! 

Then the match ended with no awkwardness at all and everything was fine, why do you ask? 

You guyyyyyyyyyyys, I get so uncomfortable with scenes where a character is embarrassing themselves by being a poor sport or a whiny buffoon. Tom disputed the call and generally acted like a brat, and it became very tense, and I had to watch it through my fingers because I just caaaaaaaan’t, it’s too embarrassing! On top of that, he was outed as a good-for-nothing employer, then stormed off very dramatically.

Charlotte volunteered to play in his stead and proved once again what a powerhouse she is. Georgiana, being the total sneaky minx she is, used the distraction to slip away. 

Mary told him off so hard, and now I have yet ANOTHER crush. She wasn’t angry about the money, she was angry that he lied to her and kept their woes a secret, buying her expensive gifts of DECEIT. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll likely say it at least seventeen more times; I love the women on this show. Speaking of, Sir Snotlips got jealous about Esther flirting with Babs and was all, “hey Clara, pump up my ego a bit,” and Clara just laughed heartily and was like, “you beautiful dumb-dumb,” and he was like, “that didn’t do it,” and she was all, “it wasn’t meant to. Later sucka!”

Esther and Bab’s outfield flirt-fest turned into a horse-ride and then a lovely walk where sparks flew and they took turns making each other laugh. Then Babs got serious and complimented Esther in a way she has clearly never experienced before, which was both beautiful and heartbreaking. Then he proposed and she laughed in his face, and he just shook his head, all amused, and was like, “classic Esther.” 

Guys, did Babs just leave the cricket match? It was still going on, and if I’m not mistaken, Charlotte volunteered to play because they were a man down after Tom stormed off. Does that not count for Babs? Did… did they just not notice he was gone?? Haha, poor Babs. 

Speaking of, Stringer went easy on his pitch to Charlotte and she got a big ol’ hit to win the game for the dandies. 

Everyone in this town is such a shipper!!! Stringer was watching as Charlotte sashayed away in triumph, and this rando worker was like, “If you don’t tell her, how will she ever know?” Hahahahahaha I LOVE IT, this dude is all of us. 

Also, I don’t know this shipper name, but there has to be one, right? Did I get it? HayString? StringWood? Char… ger? Please tell me it’s not Charger.

Uuuuuugggghhhhh I hate him. I actually hate him. Esther told him that Babs proposed, and Sir THEABSOLUTEWORST reeled her back in with promises of their eternal love and a melodramatic kiss. Well done, Jack Fox, for playing a legitimate  sociopath with such accuracy. I’m sure you’re a nice fellow in real life, so it speaks to your talent that I want to tear your character’s penis off and make him watch as I use it to play ping-pong. 

All of our hearts tore down the middle as Esther turned down Babs, saying he was shallow for proposing after a short time, but REALLY we know it was because of stupid Sir Stupidfacebuttholeasshat. UGH. 

Meanwhile, drama was playing out after the cricket match when it was discovered that Georgiana was missing. We all assumed that she had run off with Otis, but then NOPE, Stringer reported that she was “bundled” into a carriage. What in the living hell does THAT mean? Did she bundle herself comfortably with the man she loves (fingers crossed but probably not), or was she taken somewhere against her will (let’s hope not, but probably). 

Charlotte told Sidney about her sneaky alliance with Georgiana and Otis, and let me tell you, he was not pleased. 

Mean Old Rich Lady passed out!! We knew she was feeling poorly at the cricket match, but now she’s straight-up dying, so we know some money-drama is on the way. Who will get it??? Maybe Mean Old Rich Lady has a secret love child that will inherit all her money and her scheming relations will get nothing. Please please please. 

Charlotte is going to London!!!! She was told to stay put and wait until her friend was recovered, but that’s not our girl’s style, no siree. 

What an episode!! Esther saw what it was like to interact with a man who respects her, Charlotte showed her prowess on the cricket field (is it a field? A pitch? A court?), and won the hearts of two men who, let’s face it, were already in love with her, Mean Old Rich Lady is about to shed her mortal coil leaving behind her fortune, and Georgiana has run away and/or been kidnapped! 

Jane Austen is a literary Goddess and her characters have melted and mended readers’ hearts for centuries. I love her books and the adaptations that were spawned from them. This show feels like the natural next step. It’s everything we love about Austen’s work mixed with everything we’ve come to crave from modern storytelling. The characters are complex and well developed, the setting is stunning, the relationships are earned and grounded, and each character is on their own personal journey, complete with all the emotional layers that come with it. 

It’s also very sexy. So. There’s that.

I don’t know how the season ends (I’m a diligent spoiler ninja, cutting them down before they can infiltrate my brain), but I do know that I want more. I have come to love all of these characters (#ArthurParkerOwnsMyHeart), and their stories cannot be completed with satisfaction in a mere three more episodes. 

SOME STUFF

• “He makes me laugh. I’d forgotten how that felt.” I swear to Grayskull if Esther doesn’t end up in a freaking PALACE OF HAPPINESS I will riot. 

• All the residents of Sanditon are shippers, and I respect it.

• Tom and Stringer had another argument about money at some point in this episode, but I couldn’t concentrate on the words. I was too worried their spines would bend under the weight of their enormous hats, and the woodland creatures that live under them would scamper through the streets. 

• I missed Doctor Fuchs this episode. What do you think he’s up to? Snuggling puppies? Teaching children how important it is to wash their hands? Bringing general joy and happiness along with a healthy dose of good sense and German charm? *sigh*
  Also, thank you to those on twitter who gently pointed out to me (without actually pointing out to me) that I was spelling his name wrong.

OKAY THANKS BYE STAY EXCELLENT!