Remember when the pilot episode of The Musketeers came out on BBC America, and North Americans first became enamored with four very dashing dreamboats? Well, I asked a question; will we still be charmed by the bravery and wit of these four dudes after ten weeks of the same old thing?
The answer, my friends, is yes. A thousand times yes. Aramis, Athos, Porthos and D’Artagnan departed my living room tonight until Season 2 returns, and quite frankly, I’m going to need some chocolate peanut butter ice cream to get over this temporary loss.
What a charming, fun, exciting adventure this first season has been! It brought us intrigue, action and more one-liners than an 80s buddy cop movie.
We learned that Porthos was raised in poverty, Aramis was one of two men to survive a massacre, Milady killed Athos’ brother, and D’Artagnan apparently employs a witch to keep his hair magically shiny and voluminous (that last part was subtext).
Athos learned that Milady was still alive. Aramis took a ride on the love-train with Queen Anne. King Louis remained an adorable buffoon. The Cardinal was as nefarious as ever and put out a hit on the Queen, blaming it on some German guy. And D’Artagnan took a stroll down Adultery Lane with Constance (the one true love of my life).
A lot happened!
The finale began with a quaint reunion with Athos and Milady.
Oh boy! Now everybody knows that D’Artagnan and Milady had some sexy fun, and Athos did NOT seem very pleased about it.
Athos shot him! This season finale is not messing around, you guys!
Meanwhile at the palace, this lady was pleading for her father’s freedom.
Oh Cardinal, you and your schemes! He got a public smack-down from King Louis, so he threw a hissy fit at Milady and told her to the kill the Musketeers.
Oh dear, it looked as though D’Artagnan was going to turn on his pals for the promise of the Cardinal’s protection and more fun time with Milady. She spun a yarn about what a d-bag Athos really is, then this handsome devil showed up:
This pushed D’Artagnan over the edge and he vowed to kill Athos for Milady and then strolled into his old digs.
It was all a ruse!!
Turns out the whole episode up until now was subterfuge to set up Milady. I’m certain no fan of this show actually believed these shenanigans for a second, but it was fun to watch it all unfold.
Meanwhile, Milady was out and about, catching up with old friends and bargaining for a little murder.
The boys put on a show in the square where D’Artagnan “murdered” Athos, and it was really quite good! They got really into their roles, and I could tell they were having fun with it, you know?
Anyway, this lady bought it:
Milady sent a hilariously drunk girl to lure Constance into a dungeon under the guise of helping D’Artagnan.
He kidnapped her, and look who he put in charge of watching her/keeping her alive:
Meanwhile, D’Artagnan was putting on another show, telling the Cardinal about a letter naming him as the orchestrator of the would-be assassination of the Queen.
They worked out a scheme (the Cardinal does love his schemes!) that he would trade D’Artagnan for the letter, and then give him a job. Not your typical job interview, but there you have it.
After a very charming fake funeral scene where our big tough Porthos teared up, Constance (the wily minx) broke the wine bottle of the drunken lady and got out of her ropes. But just as she was about to escape, look who showed up:
Milady punched Constance in the face! Man, Constance simply cannot catch a break.
Her boob of a husband ran into the local pub where our heroes happen to be hanging out, and ranted about his wife being missing. Our dudes had more important things to do, namely setting up the Cardinal to make a full confession about trying to have the Queen murdered.
Awwwwwww shit! The Cardinal is now totally the Queen’s bitch! If that were me, I’d be all, “hey, remember that time you tried to have me murdered? Give me a pedicure or I’ll tell my husband… THE KING.” But that’s just me. I bet Anne will be more chill about it.
They cornered Milady and she was all, “whatevs, Athos is dead, suck on that!”
Milady essentially just rolled her eyes and told them that she has Constance. This chick always has an ace up her sleeve. I kind of love her?
The dudes saddled up in a pretty awesome montage, then they all put their hands together and said “all for one and one for all” very dramatically.
Constance was pushed into the middle of the road, surrounded by what writers like to call “bad guys”, when a riderless horse-drawn wagon pulled up.
And it was! What followed was a rootin’ tootin’ gun slinging showdown where they saved Constance!
Just when our dudes had vanquished all their foes, and thought their fight was over…
Constance saved herself! Huzzah for Constance! She ran into D’Artagnan’s arms and they made up as everyone watched, smiling creepily. Well… not everyone.
Turns out Athos wasn’t crazy about killing his wife (fair enough), so he told her to skedaddle. As they dramatically walked away, he dropped her locket on the ground.
Emotional progress! Speaking of progress, D’Artagnan and Constance made out on the street like it ain’t no thang. Yay! Happy ending!
Oh dear. Constance’s boob husband tried to kill himself and said he’d do it again if she ever left him. “Goodbye D’Artagnan. It was a beautiful dream.” UGH.
Oh, and the Queen is pregs!
Awwwwww shit. That baby is coming out with a goatee and charming one-liners!
So, at the end of Season 1, Milady is exiled, the Cardinal’s evil deeds are revealed to the Queen, our dudes are loveless but sticking around to fight another day, and Ryan Gage as King Louis remains the cutest most adorable thing on television to date.
Pretty satisfying, all in all. I am PUMPED for Season 2! How about you guys?
- Peter Capaldi will not be returning to the series. What will the Musketeers be without their scheming nemesis?
- Milady – gone forever or just playing at leaving town?
- The title of the episode was said twice; once by Milady and then by Constance. I have no opinion on this, I just thought I’d point it out.
- This is a TV show, right? Why is the fight choreography so awesome? Is it simply because the BBC has magical powers? Whatever it is, never stop. NEVER.
- Bohdan Poraj (the fellow who plays Constance’s boob husband) plays such a believable doofus that I can’t help but believe he would be an awesome dude to hang out with. Does anyone else think he would be the best at drinking games? I have to give him props, he’s doing a great job at making us dislike his character.
- “Was a funeral strictly necessary? It’s very emotional.”
- “Athos was your friend, are you so quick to forgive his murder?” – “To be honest, he was a little moody.”
That’s it from me. I likely won’t be recapping this show any further, but I’ll still be watching when season 2 crosses the pond.
[Originally Posted August 2014 on tv.com]