The Expanse Season 1 Photo-Recap; The Rossi Posse Gets Saucy

Have you guys ever shown up late to a party and the game of strip-twister is almost over and everyone is already in their underoos, and the punch is mostly just pulp and rum, and someone is crying in the corner, and all the Catan pieces are imbedded in the carpet, and you’re like, “maybe I should have arrived earlier.”  

You guys. I’m late. Everyone in my life told me to watch The Expanse, and I ignored their impassioned pleas. Not because I didn’t think I’d like it. Quite the opposite, in fact. I knew the show was going to barge into my heart and take over my whole dang life, and I am a VERY BUSY WOMAN, with a VERY ACTIVE SOCIAL CALENDAR that includes things that aren’t just reading books and watching kdramas, and that is the TRUTH, how dare you question me. 

As you may have heard, there was a global pandemic, and so when my winter holiday came around and I was stuck in my treehouse for a week, I figured it was time to rip apart my emotions. AND BOY DID I. This show DELIVERED and was everything all of you told me it would be. 

The final season fast approaches, so let’s take a look back to where it all began *cue synth music*. Now, usually my recaps are episode-by-episode, so my ramblings are speculative and generally very wrong. However this time I simply could NOT, because I am a human being and each episode ending slapped me across the face, and screamed, “DON’T YOU WANT THE NEXT ONE RIGHT NOW???” and even though the episode was being really rather rude, my answer was still yes. HOWEVER, I did pause before going on to the next season, so as I write this, I don’t know what happens in season two (don’t tell me!).

OKAY! Let’s crunch some matches into coffee and flip and burn right into this thing! 

EPISODE 1

Whooooooooooboy now THIS is how you begin a season of television framed around a mystery hidden within an enigma wrapped in a… I don’t know, inappropriately sexy puzzle that your great aunt gave you for Christmas? I was INTRIGUED. This lady was locked in a little padded space room, broke herself out, wandered around a very obvious crime scene, then burned her way through a door to find a body being eaten by some lite-brite goo of death. Hahahaha, delightful. 

Then we got an info dump quick read that basically boiled down to: Earth and Mars are mad at each other, and the Belters are OVER IT. 

Ceres Station  

Ceres is a very rad city on an asteroid that Earth controls and Mars wants, because it’s the center of everything, sort of like a youngest child. There we met grizzled antihero Detective Miller (Tom Jane) and his sassy new partner from Earth, Havelock (Jay Hernandez). 

Poor Tom Jane was the only one who had to deal with very, very bad hair. He should review his contract for season two and include better hair. It’s just so bad. Anyway, there was some stuff about him taking bribes and feeling bad about kids not breathing properly, but the main takeaway from this opening storyline is that he is COMPLICATED, so get off his back about it! Oh, and I definitely didn’t have to look up Havelock’s name (I did), because he is definitely a super important character this season (he is not), so settle in for A LOT of Havelock content (there is almost none).

We also learned that:

• people who grew up on the belt are slendermanned by the lack of gravity
• Havelock is a judgy bish, and I wish we had more
• the woman from the start is an heiress who ran away from home, and Miller was given the case to track her down
• Miller has a sort of gross creepy flirtation going on with a lady cop
• there’s a magic bird? that maybe reads minds? I don’t know. 

Earth

This lady is the Queen of Earth (really a UN Ambassador but I mean, let’s be honest). She was torturing a Belter because he was found with stealth tech, and she wanted to know all the whys and hows and whats and whether or not she looked fierce in her outfit (she did). 

Naturally, I immediately love her. Moving on. 

Canterbury 

Welcome to the Canterbury, don’t get too attached. We met a lot of people in a short span of time, all of whom I was prepared to LOVE (especially the cantankerous captain with a glass cat collection), but I’m not even going to get into it, and you KNOW WHY. 

They got a distress call from a ship called The Scapuli, but they decided to ignore it because they’re lazy and they want their bonuses, and also the plot needed a reason to make the dreamy hero guilty. Speaking of, he felt like a late-night listen to some distress and heard our lady’s voice asking for help, so he logged the call, and bingo bango, the incident was incited! 

You guys, I was convinced they’d find the lady. Convinced. Silly Toni. Anyway, what they did find was a fake signal they deemed ‘pirate bait,’ so it was time to skedaddle on outta there. But whoopsie, it was too late, because there were already stealth ships nearby ready to attack. 

The torpedoes didn’t even LOOK at them, they only had eyes for the Canterbury, and it exploded just as Holden’s Dead Girlfriend said, “you should know…” OMG WHAT. WHAT should he know? WHAT??? 

Honestly, that was an amazing first episode, and WHAT A WAY to end it. I was agape, you guys. Simply agape. You see why I couldn’t pause to write a dumb recap without seeing the next episode. 

Speaking of! 

EPISODE 2

Ceres

Miller and Havelock investigated some missing water and in a twist of antiheroism, Miller let the kid go with a pat on the bum and an inspirational sneer. 

Earth

Earth Queen interrogated the Belter, and they basically just sassed at each other and I’m not sure we learned a lot.  It was still fun, though, and visually both stunning and upsetting, so high five! Oh, and he killed himself. 

Moving on!

Canterbury Shuttle

Now that everything was terrible and their lives were in danger because their ship was banged up from the debris field that contained their old home and all their dead friends, it was time for our team of lovable scruffy heroes to bond. They were running out of air and Shed the medic shared his air with Alex, which was such a touching moment that will lay the groundwork for a long, deep friendship that I’m sure will last until the final episodes. They had to get the radio working to call for help, and they did! Yay! Except whoopsie, the ship that picked up their call was Martian! The very people who blew up the Canterbury! 

Holden’s big idea to keep them safe was to broadcast what Mars did, and if Mars kills them then GOTCHA, that proves it, and also if someone could send help and maybe some peanut butter cups, that would be great, too. 

Even though not a lot happened with this storyline, it did serve as character development; mainly that Holden can’t seem to decide if he’s a manic blow hard or a cool-headed dreamboat, Naomi gets shit done, Alex has a family (that’s about as far as we got with him), and Amos the Adorable Sociopath is maybe Naomi’s pet? That was a fun twist. 

EPISODE 3

Welcome to Remember the Cant, in which we learn Mars ISN’T the villain (?!?!) and also a sort of main-character is seemingly brutally murdered, something which I was NOT prepared for, physically or emotionally. 

Ceres Station:

Turns out The James Jam hit the top of the Vlog charts and was inspiring all sorts of tomfoolery in the streets of Ceres, where Mars was being blamed for the destruction of the Canterbury. Havelock, being the adorable sassy hero he is, went to check on his tutor-girlfriend and ended up being IMPALED ON A WALL. It did not look comfortable, and I was UPSET.  

We also met Anderson Dawes (Jared Harris!), a leader among the ‘terrorist’ group the OPA, who claimed he didn’t know our girl Julie Mao. Intrigue! 

Earth

Earth Queen invited her old pal the ambassador to Mars for dinner and some light espionage, where she fed him info about the OPA having Mars stealth tech. He told Mars and they did an inventory, essentially showing their hand. It was very sneaky and smart, and it proved that Mars was supplying the OPA with jack shit, and, unfortunately, it got her friend fired. *sad trombone* Our girl is an amazing queen, but a shitty friend. 

Donnager

Speaking of Mars, they were pretty peeved about being branded war mongering ice haters, so they interrogated each member of our dream team using… mind reading pills? 

This delightfully creepy fellow (who has been in every Canadian-filmed TV show since the birth of motion picture) kept trying to get them to admit that they blew up the Canterbury, and then read their minds sort of? With mind-reading pills? Or just was super prepared with research? Or could read if they were telling the truth? I don’t know, it was weird and cool and uncomfortable for everyone. It also helped with some characterization, namely that Holden was raised by eight parents (haha what), Alex is old enough to have been in the Mars navy for twenty years (!!!), Naomi might be OPA, and Shed isn’t even a real- never mind, it doesn’t matter.

All of these revelations got them arguing with each other, which made me sad until I remembered that they worked on a huge ship and probably had very little interaction, so they’re not best friends YET. 

Anyway, Mrs. Kim was like, “You’re going to do a new vlog but repeat after me: I’m a dumb-dumb, my pal is a gross terrorist, Mars is the best, and Captain Yao has the best ass this side of the Milky Way,” and Holden was like, “Inappropriate.”

EPISODE 4

Ah CQB, in which we traded a life for a life. The show giveth one sassy sidekick, and taketh away an adorably heroic neurotic medic who really lost his head (I had to). 

Ceres Station:

Detective Miller followed a lead to a dead human usb drive who once had a date with Julie. Turns out there were government files stored his leg, which Miller scooped out (so gross), while exchanging ‘job-related’ flirts with his lady cop friend-ex. 

Oh, and we found out that Havelock is either a vampire or cursed by a witch, or both, because he survived being impaled to a wall, shimmying off the spike, and laying on a gross filthy ground bleeding out for days. Yay! 

Earth

Earth Queen just laid on her roof being sad, and honestly? COMPELLING. 

New location! 

Tycho Station 

Hello intriguing new character! Fred Johnson was building a big ol’ spaceship so that Mormons could knock on the doors of all the planets, but he was about to be fired because of his affiliation to the OPA. He made some vague threats about the job not being done right if he’s not in charge, but the Mormon leader was like, “we’ll risk it,” which seemed dumb. Fred also had eyes on the Donnager, which isn’t suspicious even a little bit. 

Speaking of!

Donnager

Captain Yao was so unconcerned about the situation that she carried her coffee around all episode just taking lil’ sips and casting the attacking ships but a sparing glance. You guys, do I have a crush on Captain Yao? I miss her. 

Man-bun Mindreader was shaming Holden about how Earthers are all spoiled brats (I mean, by all accounts he’s right), when he was rudely interrupted by Mars starting to lose the battle, and Holden recognizing the the attacking ships. So off they went to get Holden, now the only witness to Mars’ pure innocence, to safety. But wait! Holden is a wily handsome hero, so he insisted they first save his new and future pals! 

Hahahahhahahaha WHAT. Alex was having a bit of a meltdown about possibly dying during a mysterious attack, and the adorable medic was like, “hey man, everything’s gonna be coo-” and then WAS BEHEADED BY DEBRIS PUNCHING THROUGH THE ROOM. Baaaahahahahahhahahha YOU GUYS. Effing shit. I was very shocked and pleased and upset and shocked. The SOUND it made, my god. This show doesn’t mess around. 

Anyway, they plugged the holes and put Alex to sleep to conserve air and Naomi and Amos had a Moment where they held hands, which was probably a very squishy experience considering how much of Shed’s blood was still on them. Look. I respect their privacy and I understand it’s annoying when everyone keeps asking them what their deal is, but also, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL, YOU TWO. I would watch an entire episode of them just making parfait. 

With the help of Man-bun Mindreader, our scrappy team of heroes (minus one medic) escaped in a fancy gun ship while Captain Yao (whom I miss) blew up the Donnager.

EPISODE 5 

Ceres Station

Dawes tried to give Miller the location of the butt-face who impaled his buddy cop, but Miller instead decided to continue following his nose to Julie Mao, which I’m sure will end super well for everyone. 

Then he was kidnapped. Fun!

Oh, and Havelock was in the hospital, and I hope everyone got a nice eyeful Jay Hernandez, because that’s the last time we saw him this season. Get well soon, Havelock, good luck in your studies! 

Tachi 

Everyone was having a great time on the Mars shuttle ship, figuring out how to operate it, getting their leg bones put back into their bodies, and staring dramatically at the corpse of a Mars soldier. So naturally when they got an invite from Fred Johnson, an OPA big shot and past tyrant, there was some debate on whether or not they should end their sweet party. 

In the end it was decided they should go for the sake of the plot if nothing else, so they renamed their ship the Rocinante (Rossi) and off they went. 

Anderson Station – 11 years ago

Some workers were protesting because their kids were oxygen deprived dumb-dumbs, and the company was refusing to help with health care (wow, sound familiar?). They were negotiating with the UN Military, but then when they tried to surrender, the UN blew them up. But wait – it was Fred Johnson!! Dun dun dunnnnnn…

EPISODE 6

Ceres Station

Surprise! Miller was kidnapped by Dawes, who I guess just wanted him to stop looking for Julie? Or wanted info about her? Or was hurt Miller didn’t come to his birthday party? Look, this scene barely mattered beyond allowing Jared Harris to ABSOLUTELY DESTROY a monologue about killing his sick sister in order to feed his other sisters. Seriously give that man some ice cream because DAMN, that was amazing. 

Anyway, some lackeys threw Miller in an airlock, but he was saved by his lady cop friend ex. What fun! 

Dun dun dunnnnnnn… Miller was given the missing person case because his boss expected him to fail. The higher-ups didn’t want it solved because they were OPA! So Miller was fired and the evidence he collected was stolen. *sad trombone*

Earth 

Earth Queen believed Fred was building the bothersome stealth ships, so she coerced one of her pals into loaning her his space spy. Just another day! 

Tycho Station 

Upon arrival there was a cute lil’ standoff where Holden and Amos were like, “we have so many guns and ninjas and tanks or whatever, so…” and Fred was like, “that’s adorable, now cut the shit.” Then they had a brainstorming sesh about how to further the plot. 

Fred wanted to use their fancy new toy to go get his pal out in space, but Holden didn’t want to hand it over after having JUST got it (it still had that new ship smell!), so he volunteered to go instead. 

We were also treated to some amazing character moments between Amos and Alex (Amos grew up in a brothel! Alex is divorced!), and Holden and Naomi (Holden wore a cap! Naomi laughed!). But also the revelation that Holden logged the call, and Naomi knew, which led to Amos saying, “Why didn’t you tell me? You were afraid of me,” and my heart SHATTERED all over the damn floor for that lovable sociopath!!! Stop hurting that sweet murderer’s feelings! 

Holden had planned on going alone, but the Rossi Posse was like, “hahahahhahaha good try, bud,” and hopped on board because they had some bestfriendships to nurture. 

Oh, and some weirdo took a picture of Holden with his creepy eye-camera, I’m sure it’s fine. 

Abandoned Asteroid Mine 

These fellows were minding their business trying to earn a living, when some Mars goons came and roughed them up and made their lives harder for no other reason other than they could. So our lil’ water-stealing criminal that Miller pep-talked that one time was thrown out the airlock to drift and witness his uncle toss some rocks at a Mars ship in protest. 

This show is SAYING THINGS with its narrative, and I respect the hell out of that (also that shot was amazing).

(Yes, you are correct. Uncle Mateo is quoting Ernest Scared Stupid.)

EPISODE 7

Ceres Station

Now that Miller was fired there was nothing left to do but raid Julie’s apartment for things to sell and skedaddle on a mystery-hunting-ingenue-saving adventure! So he said see-ya-never to his lady-cop not-girlfriend and then stopped by the OPA clubhouse to get information. Dawes was like, “Welcome?” and Miller was like, “Remember that time you tried to have me killed?” And Dawes was all, “heh heh, bygones?” and Miller was like, “not yet, but keep that hemp handy.” These antagonists are going to become allies, which you KNOW I live for. 

Earth 

It’s Holden’s mom! *ahem* It’s one of Holden’s moms! And she’s cool and smart and fierce, and she raised him to ‘save the land’ and then got guilty about bringing him into the world to fulfil her own purpose, so she set him free! Man oh man I loved this. Just two moms momming at each other. 

Earth Queen was convinced that Holden was a Good Dude, but the government still wanted to take him out. *shrug*

Rossi Posse

Oh dear! A mystery signal was being sent from the basement, so Amos checked it out and found a squirmy stowaway spy! He convinced them he was simply fleeing Fred for Shady Reasons, but we knew he had a gross eye-camera, so it was very frustrating to watch Holden start to trust him. 

Anyway, because of Uncle Rock Thrower, Mars was on high alert, and insisted on searching their ship, which would have been Very Bad. Luckily Eye-Spy knew about some secret code words that would make them back off, and they all team-worked their way out of a tense situation.

There was also a fun standoff between Holden and Amos where Amos was super prepared to kill the Mars soldiers / possibly be killed by Holden, but they didn’t have to, and Amos cheerily said, “Well that worked out.” Look. I love him. Unabashedly. Holden is late to the I-Love-Amos-Club, which has me both worried and excited for their inevitable bonding. 

EPISODE 8

Tycho:

Fred pulled a chip out of Man-bun Mindreader’s uniform which contained all the stock footage of the Donnager battle, as well some Very Shocking News that they didn’t show us. 

Earth

Earth Queen’s friend killed himself, her boss sent a UN ship to raid Tycho, and her new mom-friend’s son was about to be murdered by her own department, so… kind of a bad day all around.  

Eros

Miller arrived on Eros after a fun discussion with a mormon that went a little something like: 
“Have you accepted Jesus into your hear-” 
“AAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.” *wipes tear* “Thank you for that.”

I think it was basically a reminder that a big ol’ ship full of mormons is going to be launched into the unknown, which I imagine may be a plot point later (don’t tell me!). Then Miller roughed some people up, got arrested, got released by his old cop friend (so many buddy cops in this show!), found out information about where Julie is and quickly vamoosed without eating his lunch. You guys – Miller is RUDE. 

Rossi Posse

Nothing like a glowing sentient flesh-eating blob monster to ruin your day! The posse followed Fred’s instructions to an asteroid where a stealth ship was playing a cute lil’ game of hide and seek. They took a quick sightseeing tour, and it became clear that this was the ship we saw in the opening scene of episode one (and also the ship that blew up the Canterbury?). My skin got tingly, you guys. TINGLY. Anyway, they found Julie’s old room, and a safe in the living room, and some very suspect goo in the basement. 

After the goo lit up at the sight of company, they shut everything down and skedaddled back to their ship. Turns out the ship was coming from Phoebe (gasp!), and was headed to Eros, so if they want any GD answers, that’s where they have to go, too. 

Eye-Spy told his UN pals where they were, which resulted in a pretty fun shoot-out (in which everyone would be dead if it weren’t for Amos being exactly what they say he shouldn’t be but I DIGRESS). 

Miller! You guys, I love it – LOVE IT – when characters we’ve been following in different storylines converge and bond, and we see them in a different light. So naturally I pumped my fist when Miller showed up and promptly murdered the UN goons. They all had a quick meet-and-greet, and then went upstairs to finally meet Polanski (Julie). 

Believe me when I tell you that I yelled, “WHAT NO,. NO THAT’S NOT- NO DON’T DO THIS TO ME!” Julie Mao was DEAD, you guys. Eaten by goo. 

I’m upset. 

EPISODE 9

Tycho 

Earth 

Earth Queen went to her old pal’s house to apologize to his husband for inadvertently causing his suicide, BUT WAIT, it probably wasn’t suicide! He had information about the stealth ships! And that they were built on Earth! By the UN! And Fred was sending out his very own vlog to say as much! You guys usually political intrigue on these types of shows is a total snore (remember when Apollo became a stenographer or whatever, huge yawn), but I am LOVING THIS. Mostly because of Earth Queen’s stunning charisma? Probably. What fun! 

Flashback! 

Julie finally got the spotlight (how subtly compelling is Florence Faivre?? Add her to my growing list of Expanse crushes), and we got to see what happened from her perspective. It was pretty much just a linear recap of everything we’d already pieced together, but I was still INTO IT. 

• She was on the Scapuli, ready to intercept the transport ship from Phoebe, and had a lil’ crush on a Belter dreamboat.
• Oh no! They were boarded by the Anubis stealth ship.
• They killed everyone except Julie because she’s their boss’s daughter, and locked her up. She sent a message out into the world that was eventually caught by Fred AND Holden (which is what made him log the call). 
• The mean Anubis jerks proceed to blow up the Canterbury and be eaten by goo. 
• Julie escaped, TOUCHED THE GOO, then flew the ship to the asteroid, planted a beacon for Fred, then went to Eros to wait for the OPA, who never came. 
• She was eaten by the goo in a shower. Just before she died she saw Miller holding her necklace and the Magic Bird (???). 

One piece of the puzzle filled in was Clipboard Lady saying; “The sooner we get Earth and Mars at each other’s throats the sooner we get their eyes off Eros.” So everything that had happened thus far was all just a distraction so they could do something nefarious on Eros. Yiiiiiiiiikes on bikes! 

Eros

Back in the present, the Rossi Posse skedaddled out of the goo infested hotel with assistance from Miller’s Buddy Cop, and then recapped their storylines in a cute lil’ sneaky side street. 

Julie’s dad was the main guy in charge of the evil goo (perhaps he created it?) and it was clear which child was his favourite because he was NOT mad that one of his kids ate the other one. In fact, he was very jazzed to continue with their nefarious schemes. “We can only learn by letting it learn.” Creeeeeeepy and intriguing, I am upset and excited. 

The citizens of Eros were being herded into shelters and given booster shots to protect them from a radiation leak (spoiler: it was goo), and by complete coincidence a ship blew up, locking down all other ships, and all coms just happen to go down, which was all just so believably coincidental, wow Eros was having a bad day. 

The Rossi Posse split up, Holden following Miller and the rest of them trying to get back to their ship through some gross tunnels. Holden being Holden told Naomi to leave without him if he wasn’t back in three hours, and Naomi being Naomi, sassed him. 

Miller and Holden followed their noses (read: information they roughed out of a gangster) to one of the shelters and found a bunch of squirming civilians sprouting some goo crystals of their own. Then they were blasted with radiation. The perfect end to a perfect day, hashtag blessed. 

EPISODE 10

Earth 

You guys, I love her so much. I love, love, love her. Earth Queen ain’t no fool! She knew her own government was framing Fred to cover up their own shady shit! She knew they killed her old friend, and that they were trying to kill Holden (her new bestie’s son) because he knew too much. And she also knew that they would underestimate her intelligence. Girl sent her adorable husband and grandkids away so that she could get in the muck to figure all this shit out. Have I mentioned that I love her? Because I love her. 

Rossi Posse

The Rossi Posse teamed up with Buddy Cop to make their way through tunnels? (I don’t know) towards the Rossi. With Naomi’s OPA knowledge and Buddy Cop’s access, they could easily escape the apocalyptic hellscape unfolding before them. Buddy Cop was a bit rude to Naomi the entire time, and it’s possible he killed a scruffy native who got spit on, but like, it’s fine, everything’s fine. They picked up some pals and made it to the ship. Yay! 

Welp. Bye, Buddy Cop! I hope Miller is cool with your murder! He wanted to vamoose without Holden and Miller, but Naomi wasn’t into it, so Amos shot him, as he is wont to do (if he catches flak for this, I swear to GOD). 

Holden and Miller (becoming total best friends) 

These two best buds got some meds so they could survive the lethal dose of radiation long enough to get back to the ship, then went on a fun romp through the station, taking in the sights, stopping at an arcade, swapping stories of their childhoods, sending ex-Eye-Spy-friends to their deaths, discovering goo-zombies, hallucinating dead girls, shooting some hoops, sharing their poetry, and murdering a few thugs. Just your typical bro night! 

They also figured out that the entire station was one big lab experiment. 

The goons weren’t being let onto the escape ship, so Miller started yelling crap that incited a gun fight, which served as a nice lil’ distraction for them to run to an elevator that would take them to the ship. Oh, and as an added bonus, Miller got to trick and then murder the guy who impaled Havelock! How nice! 

They believed the Rossi Posse had left without them, but nope! Naomi made sure to save the day, and they flew away to relative safety at the same time as the bad guys. Oh, and Holden is very obviously one thousand percent in love with Naomi, because WHO WOULDN’T BE. 

Hahahahahhaha what. Bye-bye Eye-Spy!! Guy was just wandering around the station when he became a muse for some sentient lite-brite goo, then was scooped up to be (I have to assume) slowly absorbed. What fun! 

You guys, what a glorious end to a very fun first season. I can’t help but feel like, after hours of set-up, we are now entering the payoff period. This is a huge story that needed to lay the groundwork, and I appreciate that. Now I’m excited to be rewarded for my diligent attention. 

SOME STUFF

• Alex’s accent. Um. What?

• There are rats in space.

• Holden’s obsession with coffee is ALL OF US.

• I truly, truly hate Miller’s hair. Let the man shave his head. 

• Holden and Naomi toasting to Medic’s death and roasting him at the same time was utterly adorable. “Wherever you are, let’s hope no one needs medical attention.” 

• If you want to appear nonchalant while under attack, sip some coffee. “They’re firing at us? No big deal. Talk to me when we run out of dark roast, ammiright?”

• Maybe don’t touch glowing goo. Not everyone is as lucky as the Ninja Turtles. 

• A little over mid-way through the season I excitedly messaged a friend with my theory that the stealth ships were morally grey heroes, just trying to stop the spread of the goo, which I thought could be transmitted through humans. I thought the ships were after the Rossi Posse because they’d been exposed. She very coyly was like, “hmmm, interesting theory.” Look. Current events were clouding my judgement. I can admit when I’m wrong!

• Any time I see Tom Jane all I can think is, “I’m Tom Jane” from that episode of Arrested Development. 

• Lots of griping about ‘the company’ being too cheap to care about the workers, which is both awesome and, on a deep, fundamental level, very sad. Humanity just doesn’t change.

• WHAT WAS IT THAT HOLDEN ‘SHOULD KNOW’? Huh, Dead Girlfriend?? HUH??? 

• Flip n’ burn is very cool.

• Steven Strait is known for many things, but he is first and foremost in my heart Warren Peace from Sky High (I am who I am). 

• Look, I like men with buns (in their hair, get your mind out of the gutter), I really do. I respect it! But that terrible little bun at the back of Martian Man-bun Mindreader’s head was truly awful. They were trying really hard to make a handsome man unattractive. FOR REFERENCE.

• The Mars soldiers don’t have bits! 

• The civilians on Anderson Station sent out a vlog about how sweet and innocent they were before they were kapowed by Fred. Will that come back at all? Don’t tell me! 

• There was a lot of flirty tension between Miller and the lady cop, including an almost-kiss, but I didn’t focus on it because I didn’t really like it. I love me some bad boy antihero, but girl, you deserve better. Find you a man who will get impaled for you.

• So far my conclusion is that Fred Johnson is NOT a bad guy, but also, who knows. It’s confusing that he’s so handsome, you know? And he also has the face of gentle giant Tyreese, so my heart simply does not know anymore.

• Everyone keeps saying how hard Earth Queen puts the bad in badass, and I will slap their faces with limp cabbage, I love her so much. 

• During the shoot-out at the hotel, Alex hid behind a flipped couch and this somehow worked. Hahaha, couches stop bullets!

• It’s a special treat for Canadians when shows are filmed in Canada because we get to see our favourite stars from our childhood pop up. For example, Paul Popowich from (a lot of things but most importantly) Catwalk, a Canadian gem from the 90s about a group of teens starting a pop band (also starring Neve Campbell, it was a big deal).

• The woman in charge of the Anubis got really hot just before they were all eaten by the goo, but no one else ever mentioned that the goo gave off heat, so I’m choosing to believe it’s just a fun detail that this murderous businesswoman was going through menopause. 

• In the season finale when Naomi kept hitting dead ends and Buddy Cop was being sassy about it, I LOVE that Alex and Amos never complained, and instead just started kicking down the wall. The TRUST, I love it so much.

• Okay, that moment when the door opened and Miller saw Julie and was like, “beautiful,” and Holden was like, “what?” and it was Amos giving them stink-eye. LOL forever. The rare moments of levity are very appreciated. 

• I wonder if the fact that Amos killed Buddy Cop will stir shit up for next season. 

• How long will it take some of our heroes to smush their lips together? Another half season? A few episodes? Holden was giving Naomi some serious heart eyes, but who knows, maybe Miller and Amos will surprise us. 

• Um, hi, Magic Bird? What’s your deal?

• On a scale of 1 to WHERE HAVE YOU BEEEEEEEN how mad at me are you that I slept on this show for so long? 

THAT’S IT FROM ME THANK YOU FOR COMING, STAY SAFE OUT THERE, PALS!