Guys, remember last week when I was all, “but the rocket!” and this week The 100 was like, “relax Toni, we’re using the rocket”. And remember two weeks ago when I was all, “aw man, I hope we see Echo again!” and this week The 100 was like, “Fine, Toni, you can see Echo again.” And when when I was all, “I want to see Clarke be a hero!”, or when I was like, “I want Jaha to be a straight-up villain!” and both times The 100 sighed and was like, “fiiiiiiiine.”
What I’m saying is that my relationship with The 100 has become that of toddler / annoyed babysitter, where I whine about something and then the show gives it to me immediately to shut me up so it can talk on the phone with its friends and maybe do some homework.
The Adventure Squad is going to space!!! This is very exciting. We’ve never seen our Squad in space. Sure, we’ve had lens-flare flashback episodes, but they weren’t the Squad then. Plus, they were all clean or in space-jail. So now we get to see them dealing with all the shit they’ve done while surviving together in a confined area, battling space-dangers, and with no stupid adults? HELL YES. YOU GUYS – this will be a mirror of season 1, where the adults were in space, and the kids were on the ground, and I get to use my “meanwhile in space” segway again and I’m just so exci- I’m getting ahead of myself. They have to survive first.
Let’s go ahead and rocket right into this photo recap (I’m so sorry, I’ll do better).
The Chosen began through the eyes of a child (how dare you), during the chaos of Skaikru being violently herded into the biggest underground set they could find. As we learned in season one with an adorable freckled father and his sassy pre-teen, the most effective way to create a fast emotional connection with a one-off character is to give them a loving relationship to a child.
Whelp! We already care about these two, so that’s a death sentence.
All of Skaikru were sealed in and our main heroes stood there awkwardly giving them the kind of look you see on every HR person in the universe.
I know, I know, this show loves the colour grey even more than the Counting Crows, so it needs someone like Jaha to stir the pot and show the other side of this argument, and the show needs conflict, yeah, yeah, yeah, but… uuuggghhhh. Look, don’t call a doctor, but I’m going to be real for a sec.
Reasons it was absolutely 100% the correct thing to do to open the door:
-You get 1200 survivors versus only 460 (you are saving humanity, correct?)
-You aren’t limiting your gene pool to the same people you’ve been procreating with for the last hundred years.
-You aren’t losing generations worth of cultural identity, and are in fact gaining the knowledge and wisdom of other cultures.
-Sure, Skaikru knows how to run the bunker, so they’re needed. The Grounders know about the GROUND. They are eventually getting out of that thing, and what then? Does Skaikru think they can navigate a radiated, post-apocalyptic Earth because of some bullshit “Earth Skills” class that Pike’s Stupid Face taught?
-Speaking of five years from now… do they really think everyone outside the bunker is going to die? They will still have enemies on the outside, and 1200 to defend “one kru” sounds better than 460.
I know it’s hard to watch the people you know die, and maybe I’m only annoyed because it’s Jaha, or because my heart has been replaced by a can of cashews, but I just don’t see how anyone could throw blame and guilt onto Bellamy and Abby for making this choice, which is also why I had zero patience for Abby’s choice this episode.
Abby feels bad about evvvvvvverything! I bet she’s never given a bad uber review in her life. Anyway, her and Raven devised a plan to get her to the bunker (because Raven is awesome).
After Jaha threw another hissy, Bellamy and Clarke were like, “can we please focus this conversation back to Raven? Raven is the coolest, and we need to be in close proximity with her, pronto.” So Clarke and Bellamy are going on a road trip! Somebody better pack some snacks! Don’t want to get hangry before seeing Raven!
Thank you, The 100, for what you have done for us this day. Imagine if the Adventure Squad went into space WITHOUT the Beautiful Creepster? RIOTS IN THE STREETS! Anyway, Bellamy didn’t believe Murphy would volunteer to get Raven out of the goodness of his heart, and Murphy was mad Bellamy opened the door, so they growled at each other for a sexy minute.
KISS! KISS! KISS!
They didn’t take it well, but forget that – let’s talk about the true shock of this entire episode:
Awwwww damn. Octavia stated in no uncertain terms that if they didn’t comply with the rules, she was going to go Octavia on their asses. Then she walked away and got sad about it. It was so cuuuuute (don’t tell her I said that, she’s very scary).
Then our beloved Emori started spitting up blood, which was VERY UPSETTING – I AM UPSET WITH YOU, SHOW – and they discovered her suit was ripped.
They gassed them all! And then they had to pick their limp bodies from the ground, sorting them into yes and no piles like they were laundry. Outstanding.
They all took off their helmet’s all at once, and I didn’t even care that it was obviously choreographed, it was SO DAMN COOL. Then Clarke ignited her plan (dear God, I’m so sorry), to take the rocket into space and become an Adventure Squad sitcom!!!
I am so pumped for the season finale. This episode was so tense! Okay, sure, they’re all tense in an “any of your favourites could die at any given time” kind of way. But this episode was tense in a “mob mentality, shit could get so messy so fast” kind of way. It was disturbing because, well, look around. The entire world as we know it is basically one giant mob right now.
On that delightful note… bye!
- Once again the show presented us with a father / child duo that were ultimately separated. Speaking of adorable father/kid duos who were separated by horrific death… what are the odds that cute snarky half-blind girl is still alive? I like to think she is. That adorable freckled father did NOT die for nothing! #NeverForget
- Kane saved Abby, because of course he did. Even if she wasn’t his one true love, she’s THE DOCTOR. Also, Abby was very shady about her illness to Kane. Is she just going to let the seizures kill her?
- Octavia is Queen of the Grounders! Also, Indra referring to all the Grounders as “Onekru”… *slow clap*
- On a scale of 1 to “It’s Everything I Never Knew I Always Wanted”, how hard are you shipping Octavia and Niylah right now?
- RIP Miller’s Cool Dad. You were a gentleman and a Scholar, and a really, really, cool dad.
- This episode’s acting MVP was (all of them, obviously), but especially Henry Ian Cusick. Kane was dealing with A LOT!
- Is Jaha a total villain? Is he going to die next week? Do you want him to? HOW do you want him to? Do you fantasize about it? Do you draw pictures of it, or write fanfiction about it?
- Clarke’s list made a comeback! I wonder if it still has her fanfiction scribbled in the margins. #MonkeyinAround
- Who would YOU want to live in space with? My answer is Kurt Browning, Amy Poehler, Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid, and Gary Busey to keep things interesting.
- Clarke put her hair in a braid! This is momentous!
[Originally Posted May 2017 on tv.com]