Roswell New Mexico closed its first season last night, and boy howdy did it ever go out with a snap, crackle and pop. The season 1 villain died half-way through, and the show was all, “oh, you thought that was going to be a big deal, hahaha, hold my nail polish remover.”
You guys, I like this show. I like how the season-long arcs kept us guessing. I like how weirdly understated it is for a sci-fi show. I like that it pays homage to Roswell (that SONG at the end, my God) without being a re-hash. And I love all the sexy drama, because HOW CAN I NOT?
I was on board from episode one, which you could probably tell from THIS. But since I didn’t recap the entire season, here’s a little fast-forward summary:
Episode 2 was all, “did Max murder Rosa???” Episode 3 was like, “probably not but still maybe.” Episode 4 begged the question, “could Max and Kyle become best friends?” to which my heart whispered, “yes please.” Oh, and also Michael is the murderer. Episode 5 was like, “psych! It was Isobel.” Episode 6 was all, “aaaaaaaactually it was Isobel’s split personality.” Episode 7 was like, “pay attention to me, I’m feeling angsty!” Episode 8 was all, “I’m mad at Isobel, let’s kill her! Nevermind throw her in a pod or whatever.” Episode 9 was like, “road trip! Everybody kiss each other!” Episode 10 was all, “Isobel was body snatched a bunch! She didn’t do murder!” Episode 11 was like, “It was probably Maria, hahahaha j/k it was Noah.” Episode 12 was all, “let’s kill a whole whack of elderly aliens, including Michael’s mother.”
And the season finale was like,
Soooooooo, here’s the thing. The gang had Noah (alien, murderer and all-around creepo) on the ropes. He was drugged, dying, and just so sweaty. But Michael wanted some answers about their heritage, which was understandable considering he just saw his bio-mom blown up. His plan was to give him the antidote, have a chat, and then… I don’t know, alien jail?
The hunks fought a spell, ultimately ending in the antidote getting shot-smashed, and Michael mind-throwing Max head-first into a fireplace. Just your typical neighbourly disagreement.
So Michael untied Noah to drag him to a cave somewhere to get the antidote, and then… again, I don’t know… the honour system? But instead Noah stabbed him in the neck with the broken syringe.
And thus the villain escaped! Whoopsie!
Meanwhile, Liz and Maria had a conversation about Maria’s necklace which depicts the flower that renders aliens powerless. Colour me intrigued! Maria was also like, “should I sex-up Michael?” and Liz was like, “it’s in the books!” and Maria was all, “yeah, but are we following the books?” and Liz was like, “but… it was in the first series too,” and Maria was like, ‘GIRL, catch up, we’re a WHOLE NEW THING,” and Liz was like, “IT IS CANNON DO NOT FIGHT IT.” And that got Maria to thinkin’.
Awwwwww shit! It turns out that General Sergeant Lieutenant Alex’s Dad PUSHED Kyle’s dad into the cell with a cancer-causing alien! It was murder! And the boys are NOT pleased about it, I can tell you that much.
Noah’s first stop on his farewell tour was the diner to… you know, I’m actually not sure. To terrorize Liz? To gaze upon Rosa’s picture one more time? It was already established that he had his own stash of antidote, so it wasn’t for that.
Also, and maybe more importantly, how often do people sneak into the diner at night that Liz’s reaction to hearing a bell go off in an empty building after she LOCKED THE DOOR, is “sorry, we’re closed.” Like, damn, people of Roswell, get your shit together.
Anyway, she locked him in a freezer with some powers-be-gone powder and then accidentally coaxed some hot tea out of him.
He told her that Rosa was Jim Valente’s daughter! I’ll be honest with you, I forgot that she didn’t know. Didn’t Kyle say, “she was my sister too,” at some point? Was Liz too distracted by abs? I get it. Anyway, Noah broke out, stabbed her a bit, then skedaddled.
Meanwhile, Max healed Michael real quick, then took off in pursuit of Noah with Isobel, who was acting totally normal, why do you ask?
Noah had body-snatched Isobel and made her bring Max to him so that he could monologue while tying Max’s intestines into a knot, which I will be honest with you, does not sound like an awesome time.
Michael woke up and rushed home to find a hunk waiting for him.
*Sigh* I’m about it, you guys. Anyway, Kyle poured his heart out, but then they were alien-blocked by a vision of Michael’s pals dying, so he vamoosed.
Noah talked SO MUCH and gave Max just enough fodder for season 2; namely that he’s their planet’s Harry Potter. Oh, and he encouraged him to use his powers in a “we are Gods” kind of way, which I’m sure won’t be a problem later.
Could Max always suck up some lightning from a storm in order to shoot it out of his hands? How could he possibly have known that would work? Ah well, it was fun, and it gave Isobel a chance to say goodbye to her faux-husband.
She was all, “I never loved you,” and he was like, “huh? Oh, okay whatever, just take care of her.” Boy did NOT care about Isobel, only some mysterious “her”. Who could it beeeeeeee?
Anyway, he’s dead now because Max lightening-murdered him.
Elsewhere, our boy Kyle was having a full-on meltdown in a gun store, and it was remarkably haunting.
Michael Trevino has come a long way since The Vampire Diaries. This scene was honestly the most compelling thing of the episode (nay, perhaps the series thus far?). Anyway, he seemed like a wack-job, and the guy gave him a discount. TOPICAL!
Max was very hyped after doing murder, so he gave his fam a pep-talk about seizing the day, healed Michael’s long-mangled hand, then went home and did sex to Liz!
Meanwhile, Isobel and Michael were gabbing about their love lives when they found Noah’s secret alien lair.
It’s Rosa!! You guys it’s Rosa!! Remember in the episode 1 recap when I was all, “is Rosa alive, though?” GIVE ME SEVENTEEN MEDALS! Baaaaaahahahahahahhaha I am mad with power!
Kyle was still in the bunker learning allllllllllllllll the tea when Colonel Admiral General Alex’s Dad showed up and shot him. But our boy was wearing a bullet-proof vest, turned the tables and stabbed him with coma juice! Now he’s in a medically induced coma with Kyle as his doctor, and my GOD is Kyle the low-key MVP of this episode? I think so!
My brain is like, “psssst, a soldier would notice if there wasn’t any blood coming from his murder victim,” but then my heart is like, “shhhhhhhh, I’m trying to watch!”
Isobel texted Max to come check out Egg-Rosa, and they all agreed that she should stay an egg for a while until they can secretly bury her.
C’mon, like Max ISN’T going to try to resurrect Rosa. Ppppffffftttttt.
Elsewhere, Michael was like, “you know what seeing a decade-long-dead-teenage-egg-girl gets me in the mood for? Smoochin!” So instead of going back to his trailer where a dreamboat was waiting for him, he intsead went to find a quirky bartender.
Look, I like our girl Maria A LOT, but if I had a shipping heart (I do), I would maybe be ride-or-die for Michael and Alex or whatever hahahah I don’t even care (I do). Anyway, she noticed that his hand was better, and was all, “wait, whaaaaaa?” so we’ll see how that goes.
Liz was at Rosa’s grave gushing about her new love when she felt a heart-twinge from their sexy-handprint and went running to find Max. But look who she found instead!
Rosa! Rosa is aliiiiiiiiiiiiive! Max brought her back! And then he die- wait what?
That’s right folks, Roswell New Mexico went ahead and straight-up killed its lead in the last moments of the season 1 finale. Look, I know it’s an alien show, and the odds of him staying dead are slim to nil, but this was still a very ballsy move! Respect, show. *tips hat*
And that’s that! All in all a pretty entertaining, angsty, sexy, intriguing first season! I’ve said it before, but I love the differences between this show and my beloved Roswell of the early 2000s. I like my television shows to reflect the world I live in. Okay, sure, the world I live in doesn’t necessarily have sexy aliens (that we know of), but you KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
What did you guys think? Are you still on board? Are you anxiously awaiting season 2, or are you reaching for your Roswell DVDs? Or both?
SOME OVERALL SERIES STUFF
- Majandra Delfino cameo as Michael’s mother! Do we think there will be any other OG fly-bys as the series goes on?
- Max’s healing face continues to be an intense poo face and I can’t get past it, I’m sorry.
- This show is very well cast, and I’m digging everyone, but the standout for me is Michael Vlamis as Michael. He’s walking a pretty great line of defensive and vulnerable.
- “You know Tess likes you, right?”
- Political commentary ALL OVER THE PLACE! I love it.
- Remember in the pilot when I was like, “I hope they give Maria a personality beyond two-dimensional quirkster!” I’m glad I got my wish BEFORE she became embroiled in a love triangle. Love triangle AS a personality is not my favourite.
- Has anyone read the books? Do they ever explain why aliens look like dreamy humans?
- Did anyone else call Rosa’s reappearance? Does anyone else get seventeen medals?
- Noah tied Max’s intestines in a knot. Did that… um, did that work itself out, or is Max spending a lot of time in the bathroom?
- Speaking of Noah, where’s that dude’s body now?
- Does anyone still own their Roswell DVDs? Does anyone still own any DVDs??
IN A WHILE CROCODILES! SEE YOU FOR SEASON 2 (HOPEFULLY)!