[Edit from the future – this was the very first photo recap I ever wrote, back in March of 2014. If you’re just joining me, hang in there. It took a few weeks to really get the hang of things.]
You guys, I’m in.
Space? Check. Teen adventure? Double check. Mysteries? Hella mysterious! I’m fully prepared to hop on board this space-shuttle-wreck and just enjoy the ridiculous disaster that’s about to unfurl on our tv screens. I for one, am thrilled.
Are you guys cool if I photo recap this thing? Yeah? Awesome, let’s do this.
First off, our heroine seemed kinda bummed about being locked in a cell until her 18th birthday when she will be promptly murdered.
Turns out ANY crime committed on the space shuttle was punishable by death because the population was too large for their resources. She was in the middle of telling us all the exposition when she was rudely interrupted by some very handsome guards.
She hilariously bested TWO fully grown men and high-tailed it outta that cell so fast. But it turns out her mom was about it, and, fearing her daughter would take care of others before herself, gave her some sage motherly advice.
Then a guard straight up shot her with a tranq gun! This is show is already bat-shit crazy and I love it.
On the shuttle to earth, we got a plate of New Character with a side of Exposition.
Apparently this guy was responsible for the death of Clarke’s father? That’s awkward. Then, as if our new guy wasn’t embarrassed enough, his dad had to show up to be a jerk-wad.
I was pretty bummed for him, until he started talking more. Did anyone else get the feeling that the best friend is kind of a wiener? Nobody likes a wiener, dude, you’re clearly not the hero. Speaking of…
I loved how the bad-boy love interest (Finn? Too soon.) felt super bad about the dudes who died, but then it was business as usual.
We also learned through very subtle storytelling that these two are brother and sister, but it’s illegal to have more than one child, so their parents are likely dead. I loved that everyone was like, “that’s the girl who was hidden under the floor!” Like, does she go around yelling out your business, random extra?
But then she showed them!
Her brother was in the background holding everyone back like, “let her have this”. Haha, these two are going to be mischief, I can already tell.
I loved where all of their priorities were at.
Our heroine wanted to go on some responsible mission, but the love interest had some flirting to do.
She wasn’t having it, and reminding him of two things: 1) he inadvertently killed two kids, and 2) they had some adventuring to do!
Back on the space station, we learned that Clarke’s mom is the best, and also that the kid’s vital signs are spiking because they’re just plum having a good time.
On earth, the wiener was reminding Clarke that he’s a wiener, and all I really got from that conversation was that Clarke is good with maps. Then a vague conflict arose because kids will be kids!
Then the greatest thing on earth (pun intended) happened…
I mean… LOOK at this guy! Have fun playing the creepy jerk for the rest of your fruitful career! I’m not even kidding, this actor has it made. Look at that strangely ethereal, beautifully sinister face! If anyone knows any other shows or movies where this fellow has played the villain and/or jerk, please let me know, because I am instantly head over heals. Anyway, he wanted to get physical.
Love this guy so much.
Anyway, the wanna-be-bad-ass chick was about it.
The older brother (does he have a name yet?) told a mysterious tale about what he did to get on the drop ship. Not important. It’s not like he tried to murder a political official or anything. MOVING ON. It was time for an adventure! It was hilarious that the group thought two people (or even five people, as it turns out) could bring back enough food for one hundred growing teens. Haha, teen logic.
We learned the asian dude’s gramma grows all the pharmaceuticals on the arc, which isn’t stereotyping… right? Anyway, that’ll come in handy later.
Clarke didn’t like that they were lollygagging.
And then the Adventure Squad stumbled upon the wonders of nature.
Whoops! Looks like they’re all going to die of radiation poisoning after all. Ah well, la la la.
Meanwhile, in space, Clarke’s mom was being awesome and trying to save the chancellor’s life. And we found out that Desmond got off the Island and turned into a nefarious political villain!
He wanted to kill errrbody (to apparently save everyone else?)
Back on earth, the shady brother was getting everyone to take off their bracelets, because why save humanity when you can have a bonfire? Then Clarke filled everyone in on the fact that their old digs is dying, and that her dad was essentially the best, making Best Friend an even bigger wiener for turning him in.
Obviously, this happened:
Octavia was almost eaten by a giant mutant snake! Clarke had the brilliant idea to drop a rock into the water to distract the giant snake from eating her, which hilariously WORKED. Then the adorkable nerd jumped in and saved her.
The snake had Octavia in it’s mouth enough to whip her around a bunch, and THAT is the mark it left. Haha, show, I love you already. Also, Clarke ripped Finn’s shirt to make the bandage without even asking. Don’t be rude, Clarke, you’re the star.
The brother and the wiener had a confrontation that I just could not bring myself to care about because my favourite creep on earth was chilling in the background just BEGGING for more screen time. Oh, and then the teens started chanting “Whatever the hell we want”, like barbarians.
Up in space (I shall never grow tired of that segway), Clarke’s awesome mom was in trouble.
They put her in the same cell Clarke was in, because I guess space guards love poetic drama.
Then Clarke and Finn had a moment where they joked about the plants glowing.
AND THEN TWIST! Clarke’s mom’s best friend is the special lady-friend of the evil politician! She was NOT pleased that he was straight-up murdering her pal.
The brother took the wiener into the wilderness and it really seemed like he was going to murder him, which I was okay with. But, it turns out he just wanted some goons to take off his wrist band.
Things were looking bad for Clarke’s awesome mom, who was taking her death sentence like a CHAMP. But then look who showed up to stop it!!
I guess the chancellor (I need to learn his name because typing ‘chancellor’ is a real bitch) isn’t such a bad guy? I don’t know.
Then the kids found Food Mountain! The adorkable nerd volunteered to swing on the vine first because he wanted to impress the girl. And he did!
You guys, they’re not alone! It’s the others! Okay, wrong show, but still! I am INTRIGUED. And because I’m a few days behind, the next episode is TOMORROW. I’ll have the next recap up before you can say “please don’t bother”!
See you soon!
[Originally Posted March 2014 on tv.com]