Don’t worry you guys, I’ve put in a call to the authorities. Clearly the writers and producers of The 100 have bugged our phones and computers and minds in order to give us all exactly what we want. I’m sorry to have to do this because I respect everyone working on this show so much, but you’re not even trying to hide the fact that you’ve hired a talented psychic to read our minds and deepest of desires. The fuzz said they’d get right on it, so expect a visit. Or a pizza. It may have been a pizza place that I called. Either way, I think you’re getting what you deserve (I hope you like extra cheese).
For one thing, the WAR STARTED. And Bellamy BLEW UP THE FOG MACHINE like it was as inconsequential as a prop on the set of Grease 2.
Oh, and all the ships are sailing. All of them. Imagine the best pairing on this show, and then dance a happy jig because it is HAPPENING. One of my favourites is Bellamy and Maya’s Hot Dad. ALSO, let me draw your attention to the beautiful words that flowed like starlight out of Wick’s mouth: “how’s my boy Monty doing?” WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING IT’S TOO MUCH MY MIND AND SOUL AND BODY CAN’T TAKE IT. I will be thinking about this line for the entire week.
Why don’t we just dive right in to my new favorite character on any show that has ever, or will ever, exist:
And then he blew up.
Baaaahahahahahahha THIS SHOW.
If Finn ever gets his Ghost Detective spin-off, this guy HAS to be his zany sidekick. I have never fallen in love as instantly as I have with this man. I want this fictional character to manifest himself in reality and take me out for ice cream, or to a carnival. I’m fairly certain I will mourn his death until my last heartbeat. The greatest travesty, however, is his unfinished joke. I need to know the punchline more than I’ve ever needed anything, and that includes food and water. SOMEONE finish this joke:
An Arker, a Grounder and a Mountain Man walk into a bar.
Arker says, “I’ll take some moonshine.” Grounder says, “I’ll take some too.”
And the Mountain Man, he says…
Back at Mountain Manor, life went on as if the greatest tragedy in the fictional universe hadn’t just occurred, and the Mountain Prince was peeved that he didn’t know where The 19 are.
This guy was very hurt. Look at his face. He’s dying inside. Anyway, they were like, “what’s with the army?” and the computer was like, “I dunno,” and they were like, “Fog?” and Acid Fog was all, “what’s up?”, and they were like, “just making sure you’re still cool.” and Fog was like, “why wouldn’t I be cool?” and they all stood around awkwardly.
Meanwhile, a lady with suspiciously radiant hair was totally stressing.
The gist of this scene is that Bellamy completes Clarke or something, and Lexa wasn’t exactly pleased. Oh, and Clarke was born to lead. So, yeah.
Speaking of our hero, he had finally been sussed out by the Mountain Minions. Quick question, did no one miss Lovejoy? He has a kid, right? It’s been at least a couple of days since Bellamy has been waltzing around with his key-card and name-tag, and no one was like, “hey, who’s that handsome dude I’ve never seen before even though there’s approximately fifteen people in our society?”
Okay, I’m going to say it, both parties are being very rude. That being said, Bellamy handled this situation like a boss and I’m glad his stupid hat fell off.
Then the greatest thing happened:
Wick! It’s Wick, you guys! Where have you been, Wick? Were you scrounging for parts for a week and a half? Did you secretly meet Frederick the mutant? Do you two have a poker game going with the two-headed deer and the glowing butterflies? Anyway, he was “summoned” by a foxy badass to help solve the acid fog issue. Welcome!
Speaking of awesome badass characters, Octavia ain’t no fool.
Octavia, like the brave, smart, wonderful little warrior-vixen she is, figured out that Clarke and Lexa knew about the missile. This put her in Lexa’s murder cross-hairs, which bumped the episode from “pretty great” to “holy shit!”
Back at the Manor, Bellamy just couldn’t stay away from Maya’s hot Dad.
Just a couple of handsome dudes going over maps, coming up with plans and exchanging friendship-torches.
Octavia, meanwhile, was put “on watch”.
But nope! Clarke was like, “thanks but no thanks”, to having Octavia killed. This got to me, you guys. Octavia remains super pissed at Clarke and she doesn’t know that she saved her life! Oh man, girls, ammiright??
Elsewhere, a group of dudes where relaxing.
Jaha is cradling this stick like a newborn child. What’s that about? Quick question: did some of this merry band turn back, or has Jaha essentially murdered eight people?
Anyway, the “City of Lights” started glowing and the Beautiful Creepster got very pumped that the one and only person who has ever treated him like a human being wasn’t lying to him.
We’ll see Emori again, right? Please, you guys, I need this.
Clarke confronted Lexa about the attempted murder, and they ended up calmly discussing the merits of feelings.
Clarke was all, “don’t kill Octavia”, and Lexa basically said, “if I did, though, would we still be cool?” Just an overall great scene that showed how much these two have grown. Clarke is pushing Lexa to show her feelings (swoon), and Lexa is forcing Clarke to choose what kind of leader she wants to be. I think we can say farewell to Dark Clarke for the time being, because this girl loves to feel things.
Jaha used his stick to suss out the mines, while at the same time giving the boys an impromptu dance lesson.
The way they followed the path was hilarious to me. WHY do they look like they’re balancing so precariously? Just take a step and plant, boys!
This fellow ran away and Jaha saved him just in time, which means they all now trust him completely and my gag reflex went into overdrive. They ran up the sand hill like the characters from Honey I Shrunk the Kids running to the giant oreo. But then…
BAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHHA this made me so happy, and I honestly wish the story had ended there. Yes, I want to see the City of Lights, but having Jaha be totally wrong would be worth it to me.
Meanwhile at the manor, Bellamy made his way to the giant acid fog machine and used his lifeline to phone a friend.
Wick and Raven spoke to Bellamy like he was a dumb person, but it was kind of adorable? Then they nerd-magiced their way to a solution!
Then Lexa asked Clarke to come over so they could make
This moment was awesome, and not just because there was an extended kiss between two females on network television. And not just because it seems that in the future, labels are meaningless, and the idea that a person could fall in love with either sex is accepted (based on Clarke’s reaction). And NOT just because these two characters bring me such joy any time they interact, romantically or no. It was mainly awesome because I’m fairly certain I heard a wave of cries throughout the land, both elated and outraged. It doesn’t matter what shipper deck you’re standing on, you have to admit, any show that can elicit this much passion from its viewers is doing everything right. Simply everything.
Oh, also, the flare went off. Time to war!
At this point Raven and wick did it. And that’s all I’m going to say. I STARTED to take screen grabs, then realized how absolutely creepy that is. I’d rather not be a creep-o adult woman taking pictures of teens going at it. It was a great scene! Moving on.
Bellamy was basking in his glory, but then…
Oh no! The fog machine was NOT off! Turns out the Mountain Prince was listening to Bellamy’s call the whole time, and only made it SEEM like he’d won the game. How very rude!
The guards busted in and chased Bellamy into the air duct, where he started double-barrel shooting like he’s Bruce Willis in any movie ever.
Despite Bellamy’s grade A badassery, it still seemed as though everyone was going to die. I realize it’s improbable that everyone on the show would die. I mean… that’s absurd. AND YET, I was clenching my fists and exclaiming unladylike things at my television because this was all so damn tense!
Bellamy used his friendship-torch to blow up the fog machine, and he almost burned to death, but he didn’t, and this moment was so gosh darn amazing that I actually applauded.
This made the Mountain Prince very uncomfortable.
His look of panic was perfect. Well done, AJ. The Mountain Men have no more defenses. The war is ON, people! I can’t say enough how excited I am about that. (Fictional war, of course. NOT excited about any sort of real wars. Let’s just forget about those altogether, yes?)
Wick was being very cute, but Raven wasn’t having it. Girl has demons, and I love every one of them.
Indra also knows about Clarke and Lexa’s knowledge of the missile, and she just doesn’t give an eff. She basically told Octavia to suck it up. I love her so much, you guys. Please don’t die. Indra. For me?
Jaha’s dance class (why is he the only adult?), got a little more rhythm when they found a drone that flew off across the ocean. Naturally, he found a boat, hopped on and followed it.
I don’t even have the energy to make fun of Jaha anymore, you guys. Who knows, maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe I just don’t have enough “faith”. Maybe his crazy-eyes remind me of a doll I once had who came to life and killed my pets. I just don’t like him, and I’m not sure what he could do to change that. I am, however, on board for this City of Lights, and all the possibilities it has.
Speaking of possibilities, who’s pumped for next week’s episode?? The war has started! Shit is about to get very real and I am READY.
Once again, The 100 has exceeded expectations and delivered an hour of sexy, violent, surprising adventure. High fives to everyone involved, and a few low fives to those of you whose arms are too sore from pumping your fists in triumph.
- “I flew down from space. I defied death.” Hey Jaha, remember when literally everyone you know flew down from space and defied death? NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.
- “Tell me, what level of crazy is too much for you? I’m just curious.” Preach, Murphy.
- Finn’s name was never spoken in this episode, but his presence was still felt in a subtle, yet strong way. Clarke isn’t ready to be with Lexa because she had to stab her boyfriend, what, a week ago? And even though he and Raven weren’t together when he died, I’m sure Finn is a large part of the conflict going on inside of her about Wick. Look, I guess what I’m saying is that on this show, everything has a consequence, and the characters are still feeling the effects of his death even if it’s not overtly pointed out. I LIKE IT, OKAY?
[Originally Posted February 2015 on tv.com]