GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSP! Polis is the 13th Ark station? POLIS IS THE 13th ARK STATION!!
You guys, I watch this show first as a viewer. I don’t think about what jokes I’m going to make, or what opinions I’ll have. I don’t even wear my sassy pants (which are made of bottle caps, so it gets real uncomfortable). The first go-around I just enjoy it. And you guys, I enjoyed the SHIT out of this episode.
But Toni, you say, it had so much Jaha.
I know, you guys, but we finally got answers. Answers! So many of them, falling from the sky like beautiful Polis-shaped confetti. Time to buy some snacks at the concession stand, because the vague competition has hit intermission.
And what true hero brought about this glorious intermission? It was Abby. FREAKING ABBY. When did she become the baddest ass? She has been killing it in the past few episodes. And we will talk about that cheek kiss later, my friends!
Also, let us give a solemn moment of humming Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap for our dearly departed Monroe. Your braids were always on point.
Aaaaaaand OKAY! Let’s do this!
Lexa awoke from a nightmare about her teeth falling out during an exam where she’s naked. Naturally this was a time for Clarke to give her a pep talk about how doing everything she tells her to do is totally the best and smartest thing. Oh, then Lexa found a drawing.
Just as we were all screaming KISS! KISS! KISS!, Titus came in with a present from Roan. I was hoping it was a life-size cardboard cutout of himself with his shirt off, but nope!
Emerson! It’s Emerson, the last Mountain Man (besides the ghost of the Mountain King, who is currently #1 on the charts with his band, Anya and the Who Dunnits)
Meanwhile, Octavia and Kane were putting their radios to good use.
Then a lovable little scamp wandered on the scene, and Monty’s mom’s was all, “aww, cuuuuuuute, murder it.” Luckily, Octavia got some sweet babysitting hours to put on her resume.
Meanwhile, Abby was investigating the disappearance of Raven’s pain.
Abby was NOT having it. Man I was in love with her this episode. Never mind Kane, make out with ME. Speaking of our favourite bearded hipster…
He and Miller (I LOVE THIS DUO) planted a bug in Pike’s room. I wonder what Pike’s room looks like. Do you think he has posters of heavy metal bands and cricket players? Or is it like, crazy neat and tidy?
How dare these people drag our beloved hero Monty into this!! HOW DARE YOU???
Back at Polis, Clarke, Lexa and Titus were hosting a Murder Club of their own.
Clarke was all, “can I kill him pleeeeeease???” and Lexa just rolled her eyes and was like, “fine, whatever.” Actually, she said, “so blood must not have blood applies only when it is my people who bleed”, which is a FAIR POINT, and a really great line. Well done, writers.
Oh boy. Turns out ALIE’s creator got the H outta dodge when the world went to shit, and she took ALIE’s upgrade with her into space. INTRIGUE! Now Raven is on the case, in a weird, brain-washy, way. My poor heart.
Kane tried to talk some sense into Bellamy and Monty’s Mom, while Miller had a touching moment with his boyfriend. Any time someone has a touching moment, I assume they’re going to immediately die. NOT MILLER’S BOYFRIEND, SHOW!
Then Octavia strolled into the Grounder camp to warn them about the attack.
Can we all agree that the only reason Octavia is still alive right now is because she is one of the stars of the show? I’m not saying this show doesn’t kill its stars #RIPFinn #RIPAnya #NeverForget. I’m saying there’s NO WAY a Skikru could waltz into that camp after the crap that went down last week, and get enough words out to show how awesome she is. I don’t care how many rando children she saved! Anyway, she warned them and it went swimmingly. Problem solved.
My heeearrrrrrrtt is SIIIIIIIIIINGINGGGGGGGGG!!!! But then…
The peaceful village of Grounders were not keen on packing up their shit and heading out of town, so instead they set up the explosive tree sap and knocked Octavia out. Man, that girl just cannot catch a break!
Raven sucked ALIE into the computer, and then was paid a visit by Jasper.
Looks like Jasper is pretty ready to drink the Kool aid.
Turns out Emerson had two kids that died in Mount Weather, and he is very ready to join them. It was a nice chat. Speaking of nice chats, look who was being a total creepster in Clarke’s room.
Titus tried to get her to convince Lexa to be bloodthirsty again, but Clarke was like, “okay, fair points, but will that result in the death of everyone I’ve ever known and loved?” And Titus was like, “oh for sure, obviously,” and Clarke was all, “um, pass?”
Titus DID bring up some fair points. A) She killed an entire populace because of the actions of a few, which is what she’s telling Lexa NOT to do to her people. B) “Blood must not have blood” is a lame catchphrase. C) Lexa will probably die, or be exiled, or thrown into a pit of Greek yogurt or something.
Meanwhile, Jasper was about to cross the borders into the City of Light, when Abby showed up and got some GD answers.
The Matrix Cookie does some sort of science to the brain whatevers to block pain. But it doesn’t just do that! It makes you forget things about your life. Like, oh, I don’t know, YOUR SON WELLS WHO AS IT TURNS OUT WAS NOT A WIENER! I’m guessing it’s also some kind of mind control, because Raven was acting VERY accommodating, without considering if her actions were right or wrong, which is not like our precious Raven at all.
Does this mean Season 3 Jaha’s douchiness can be attributed to some kind of AI mind control? Maybe! Does it excuse his Season 2 douchiness? Nope!
Anyway, Abby took all the Matrix Crackers away to do more tests, because Abby is awesome… but then, TWIST!
Jackson drank the Kool aid, too!! At first I was like, “no, not Jackson!”, but then I was like, “oh wait, yes Jackson!” Finally this guy has something to do other than frown at Abby. Good for you, man.
Then the Murder Club big event happened, and the Grounders pulled a fast one on our stars (who I refused to call the Adventure Squad, because this bullcorn is NOT the doings of our beloved Adventure Squad). Octavia warned them in time to get out, but not in time to save one of our favourite red shirts.
Oh boy. Now they all blame Octavia for Monroe’s death, even though she was the only smart / sane / rational one in this whole scenario, and that includes the trees. Like, what the hell, trees! Why do you have to be assholes? Your sap is DELICIOUS. Stop being poison.
Anyway, then Octavia was caught again, so I assume she’ll be taken to Lexa. Maybe NEXT episode I’ll get that Octavia / Clarke / Beautiful Creepster reunion I yearn for.
Clarke lead by example and chose to banish Emerson instead of kill him. Will this come back to bite her in the ass? Probably! This is The 100! Is this whole “blood must not have blood” thing going to blow up in all their faces? Probably! THIS IS THE 100!! I am very scared and also excited and also a bit hungry.
AAAANNNYWAY, then we got a glimpse of one creepster beating another creepster for information, as we GOT that information from even creepier creepsters, Jaha and ALIE. The 13th Ark station was blown from the sky and became Polis, and it has the upgrade ALIE needs, and that’s why it’s a sacred symbol among the Grounders, and holy cannoli I need to pick up my mind from off the floor.
This is a very different show from the teen shanty we fell in love with. The 100 drew us in with teen violence, and space, and abs, and now it’s rewarding our loyalty with creative world building, more violence, and intricate intrigue! The plot is deeper, richer, and more nuanced. Don’t get me wrong, excepting a few hiccups in the first couple of episodes, Season 1 was a masterpiece. I wouldn’t change a damn thing. What I’m saying is, the show is getting bolder. It’s delving into mythologies. The plot is hurtling beyond “who wants to kill us this week”, into “who wants to kill us, and also oh by the way, how did the world end up like this, who is responsible, and what are the consequences we’ll face for it?”
Is it a risk to expand a show like this? Of course it is. But I believe it is, and will continue to pay off.
- What do you guys think Wick is doing? Scrounging for parts? Wandering the woods singing Taylor Swift songs? Carving Raven’s name into trees? *sigh*
- So, Bellamy is still being stupid.
- When actors draw on TV, I can’t help but wonder if the artist who ACTUALLY drew the picture, is all, “stop messing with it!”
- Monty’s mom is the worst, right?
- Speaking of, whaaaaaaat is going on with Monty? Did he go along with that terrible Murder Club plan simply because his mom is very hungry for violence? He seemed put off by the whole thing, but he still went along with it. Monty… I’m worried about you, man. You’re better than this.
- Tree sap burns and is flammable. Did we know this already? I love that we’re still finding out new and horrible ways that the radiated earth can destroy and kill. Yay!
- I was going to put “Much Music” in my babysitting joke, but then realized half of you wouldn’t get it. OH CANADA!
- “You couldn’t have said something before I got kicked in the face?” I love you, Octavia. Never change.
- A kiss on the cheek, show? A KISS ON THE CHEEK? Let’s be real, with the raging sexual tension between these two, a kiss on the cheek is like lighting a match inside a gas chamber. There’s no way it stopped there. Let the fanfics begin!!
- If the religious implications of the Jaha story weren’t quite driving it home enough, this episode had Jaha placing the “key” into people’s mouths like a priest would do with the “body of Christ” at Catholic mass. I hope he washed his hands first.
[Originally Posted February 2016 on tv.com]