Happy bromance day, you guys! Happy bromance day to *points* you, and *gestures emphatically* YOU, and especially *nods* YOU, maybe not you *shakes head disappointingly*, but DEFINITELY *winks* YOU!
So many heart-to-hearts! So many friendships! So many quips! You guys know I’m a sucker for team-ups, especially between characters we haven’t seen interact in a while. Bellamy and Jasper? Yes please! Kane and Monty? Hells yes. Clarke and Roan? You know it! Luna and literally anyone? Cool, I’m down. What I’m saying is – I had a good time. And that’s what we’re here for (not a long time, though, that’s not allowed according to some sources.) While last week focused on the emotional state of our beloved Adventure Squad, this week zeroed in on their relationships. The ol’ one-two emotional punch, as they say (do they? I haven’t spoken to a human in months).
It’s impossible to be one of my favourite episodes, however, when it focuses so heavily on Newj. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so hard on him considering he hasn’t done anything wrong, ever. He sacrificed himself on the Ark, then we didn’t see him for SO LONG (seasons 2 and 3 to be exact), and now here he is, solving problems like someone who has never fed a teen to a sea monster. I’m just… I’m SORRY, OKAY? I’m sorry to the writers, to the producers, I’m sorry to Isaiah Washington, and to Isaiah Washinton’s mom, I just CAN’T with this guy. Of course his big solution comes from a doomsday cult. OF COURSE IT DOES. His entire essence just screams “doomsday cult”, doesn’t it? *sighing eye roll*. Let’s get back to the good, fun, awesome things I liked… for example: Niylah knowing how to make hallucinogenic tea. That part was amusing. Niylah is so damn cool.
The episode began with our friendly neighbourhood burglar-turned-victim, Fake Baylis. They turned up the radioactive heat, and he just kept on catching those z’s, dreaming about whatever it is Fake Baylis dreams about.
Nope! Fake Baylis bubbled up and then his insides straight-up exploded. Byyyyye Fake Baylis! The best part about all this, as usual, was Roan’s reaction. While everyone else turned away in disgust, he acted like a 19th century fancy-lady who had just witnessed street urchins making out.
Back at Ark Camp, Newj was lighting some corpses on fire to roast spider dogs, but Jasper had better things to do.
Jasper was about to wander off without his “chem tent”, which was not okay with a certain dreamboat hero. Bellamy just happened to have a “chem tent”, so they decided to go on a broventure. Delightful.
Then Niylah started murmuring something over the bodies, which attracted some attention.
Newj jumped on that plot point like a sea monster on a teen-shaped snack. Apparently “from the ashes we will rise” isn’t a pretty common phrase in a hundred years, so the fact that Niylah said it meant it HAD to be connected with some creep-o doomsday cult.
Kane took some convincing, but eventually he was all, “what the heck, it’s bromance day!” and they cheers-ed with giant stone mugs of mead. You know what, if it brings Indra and her awesome daughter back into the fold… fine. I don’t even care. They brainstormed who should go with them, and they were like, “we need the best possible human being. Someone smart and kind and handsome, and has the gentle yet heroic heart of a lion.”
Yessss Monty! Get in on that bro-action! (Braction? We’ll keep workshopping that) Harper entered the scene a little tipsy and bummed, but also ready to go, and who could blame her?
That’s right, folks – teens. Remember that? How long has it been since they were sent to the ground? They were all under 18 in the pilot, and so far the biggest time jump we’ve had is 3 months. So AT MOST these kids are 19. Noodle on that.
Side note – I know I snarked at the scale of Harper’s guilt and pain last week. She didn’t help a dude out, and he died, and now she feels bad. The thing is – I LOVE this development. I love that Harper is continually being fleshed out more and more. It seemed that her main deal was to fill any role needed by the plot. Not anymore, folks! Harper’s got guilt, and gets drunk, and has a Monty-shaped loved interest. Get it, girl.
Speaking of, has Jackson ever said a line that wasn’t directly related to the science of medicine and biology, and/or making sure Abby doesn’t do something bonkers? Now that Harper is a real girl, let’s get those strings off Jackson! #GotNoStringsOnJackson Anyyyyywayyyyy he figured out how to fix the magic bone-juice, so they needed someone else to microwave. Unfortunately for a certain ninja turtle, Luna found one of Fake Baylin’s accessories.
Whoopsie! That happened FAST! But of course, what else have we come to expect from this glorious beacon of violent delight? Emori tried to take out the microwave (haha, love you, girl), but got taken down almost immediately.
Jasper lead Bellamy on a Dude Adventure Duo into Fern Gully in order to give him a pep talk about embracing their inevitable demise, but ALSO to find a snack!
This scene was pretty great. Say what you want about Jasper this (or last) season, but the show’s narrative needs his journey. His reaction to this horrifying apocalyptic hellscape is one of the most realistic on the show. Yeah, he’s gone a little bonkers. Wouldn’t you? And now that he’s given up on the idea of surviving, the sense of freedom accompanying that must be pretty seductive and hard to give up. I say, as always, you do you, Jasper!
Back at ALIE Island our band of protagonists locked up two of their own while planning to murder one of them in the name of science.
So much grey! And of COURSE our two lady loves are on the same side. Raven + Luna Forever.
Luna tried to peace out, but then Roan hugged her into submission. You guys – do they have history?? “I don’t want to fight you” “You have to, remember?”. Remember what, Luna? REMEMBER WHAT???? Am I reading into this and/or forgetting something that has already been established? Tell me!
Then we buzzed on over to Polis and our eyes feasted upon a glorious reunion.
Indra was understandably upset about Kane being besties with a clan who is currently murdering a ton of her people. On the upside, though… INDRA! Remember when I thought she was presumed dead? Hahahha… what an idiot.
Love these two!! Indra does NOT take shit, and she certainly was not interested in a sexy staring contest. Boss ass bitches ain’t got time for that! Anyway, Kane told her that her daughter could have screen time, and Indra was about it. She’s nothing if not a supportive stage mom.
The tattoo on her shoulder matched Newj’s trinket, which pleased him to obnoxious degrees.
Okay, show, fine. Newj asked Indra’s daughter to lead them to some magic, perfect paradise where only top-level doomsday cult enthusiasts get to live. I bet their descendants are going to be a real hoot.
Then we were gifted with a surrogate-sibling heart-to-heart.
You all know how much I love the brother-sister vibe these two have going on, so I’m not even going to gush about it. I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO, SO DON’T ASK ME. Roan basically checked in on the emotional state of our protagonist, told her she was doing a good job, and gave her a metaphorical pat on the back. It was adorable.
The Doomsday Dudes made it to the tunnels, and the guard was all, “ohhhh you guys are chill with Roan? Okay, cool, yeah, no problem, come on through. Any friend of Roan is a friend of ours! You guys want some tea or anything? We have a nice herbal blend steeping. Oh, and Marjorie made a cake for Greg’s birthday. You guys want some?”
And then Indra was all,
She shot those Ice Capades UP. Kane was displeased. No one else seemed to care. Hahah, I love you, show! Monty DID point out that Roan will think Skikru did it, which I’m sure won’t be a problem later.
Also… Indra loves guns now? That is truly heartbreaking.
They made it to the temple, and Newj spouted some grandiose line about having a key and tried to stick his silver dollar into the hole.
Newj failing, however temporarily, is my favourite. Remember when he and some teens ran up a sand hill thinking they found the City of Light, and it was just a bunch of mirrors? I honestly wish the episode had ended there.
Jasper and Bellamy got high together off some hallucinogenic tea Niylah made from radioactive nuts. Okay! I’m not sure why this scenario pleased me so much. Maybe it was getting to type the above sentence. Or maybe it was this:
WHAT EVEN IS THAT ON HIS FACE??? I’m a little bummed we didn’t get to actually see the effects of said tea, but that just means we get to play imagine about what went down.
Back on ALIE Island, Emori was still up to her schemes, but this time it was to save Murphy’s life after she dies. It was a couple of seconds and a few sentences of dialogue, but it was beautiful and it made me love her (and root for them) so much harder. ANYWAY, *wipes tear*.
Okay you guys, real talk, this scene was amazing. Everything about it – the writing, direction, the acting – all came together in a beautifully crafted piece of art. *stands* *every bone in my body cracks* *crumbs fall from my shirt onto the floor* *claps* *falls down*
Then Abby had some reservations about jabbing a teen full of bone-juice in order to bake her in an oven.
Clarke took over, and then even SHE was overcome with a sense of guilt!
She gave it to herself! Clarke is a nightblood now! She’s gonna crawl into the microwave and possibly die a horrible, gurgly black-gooey death! Oops, wait, never mind…
Abby hulked out on the microwave! – so wait, if she “saw” that it wasn’t going to work through her linked-to-Becca-brain-magic, then why was she going to let Emori in there? Hmmmm, Abby? HMMMMM?????
Back at Polis, Monty the Magnificent threw the silver dollar into the fire, and it burst into pink flames (of course it did), and everything but the key inside sizzled away!
Again, okay. That’s fine. Sure. Newj can have this one.
And that’s that! What did you guys think?? It’s been nice to slow down on the “HOLY EFFING SHEEZE WHAT THE WHAT JUST HAPPENED” moments, and really settle into the characters’ frame of mind these past few episodes – their relationships, what they put on their sandwiches, how they’re feeling about this whole ‘end of the world’ thing, which Avenger they would date… that kind of stuff. I won’t lie, though, while I enjoyed these past two episodes, I am ready for some HOLY EFFING SHEEZE WHAT THE WHAT JUST HAPPENED, so hopefully we’ll get some of that when the Adventure Squad returns.
- Delightful callback to season 1 with “whatever the hell we want.” Remember when Bellamy was trying to pass as villainous? Hahaha, what a guy.
- What are Octavia and Ilian doing right now? And DON’T say couples massage, because that’s unlikely.
- If you ever need to knock me out, PLEASE hug me into submission like Roan did to Luna. Please. That looked so peaceful and comforting.
- “Go. I’ll be here if you get back. When you get back.” Gahhhhhh that is a great line! Lots of great lines tonight, in fact. High five, Lauren Muir.
- The scene were everyone at ALIE island started brainstorming how to hunt down a possible murder victim was… well, *slow clap*. These are our heroes!
- Jasper’s quips! The return of Jokey Jasper is welcome, even if he is nihilistic.
- “Be quick, Echo will send reinforcements”, omg Echo, girl, I miss you so much. Come on back and share sassy looks with Roan. Please. It’s what I live for. Hugs and sassy looks.
- Yes, “Towanda” was a Fried Green Tomatoes reference.
- So now that they don’t have a microwave to test Luna’s spine-juice (or even Luna herself), is it on to plan G?
- What did Jasper and Bellamy do while high on nut-tea? Write slam poetry? Piggy-backs? Hunt for jujubes and scour youtube for DVD blooper reels?
[Originally Posted March 2017 on tv.com]