Before we begin, let’s do a quick check-in. How are you guys doing? You okay? Are you rocking back and forth in your La-Z-Boys, staring blankly at your TVs with melted ice cream dribbling down your chin? ME TOO! I’m currently dictating this photo recap to a trained monkey, so we’ll see how it turns out.
This is unprecedented. UNPRECEDENTED, I say! Sure, we’ve had some pretty traumatic deaths on this show, but three at once? Roan was in the credits for shit’s sake… THE CREDITS.
Remember before the break when I was like, “it’s been nice to chill out for a bit and check in with the emotional state of our characters, but I’m ready for some ‘holy shit’ moments. YOU GUYS, this entire episode was a 40-minute-long holy shit moment. I was very worried for everyone at all times. And then, after all that, it was basically for nothing.
CLAAAAAAAAARKE! *wags finger* Look, I get it, she’s our hero, so she thinks she has to do hero things, but she’s getting on my last nerve. I KNOW, I KNOW, she’s so grey, and I love grey, but honestly, girl has some major trust issues. Octavia single-handedly saved the human race. Everything was totes fine, and then little miss Wanheda had to fudge it all up. It’s almost like she knew there were still 3 episodes left in the season or something.
[EDIT – after a day to simmer, I realize I would be lauding her a hero if Luna had won, which was a very real possibility. In that situation CLARKE would have been saving the human race, so fiiiiiiine, Clarke, sorry I got mad, you keep doing you. But you DO have trust issues!]
It wouldn’t be the beautiful, violent teen adventure we’ve come to love if shit didn’t go horribly wrong all the time. So let’s dive in! Alright, Monkey, get those furry fingers screen-grabbin’!
The episode began with a nice pre-battle brother/sister moment, which, if you’ll recall, is the first time these two have seen each other since she was like, “the only reason I didn’t murder you is because we’re blood related, peace out forever.”
Then Clarke came in and was all, “go get ‘em!” and Octavia gave her a look like, “why are you being weird?” and walked out. It was glorious.
Speaking of glorious (everything this episode was glorious), the champions were lining up and putting on participation necklaces like it was a super intense track-and-field day, when some surprise guests showed up.
Luna!!!! Luna’s character took a dark turn, and I ain’t even mad. This is one of those times when a dramatic character about-face was earned (unlike Finn driving a bus off a cliff into Bonkerton, for example). Luna has been struggling with her “darkness” from the moment we met her on her hipster rig, and she’s been battling with her beliefs ever since every single person she’s ever loved died horrible deaths, AND all she’s seen since then has been people doing shitty things to each other. So… yeah, I’ll buy this.
Anyway, she basically vowed to end humanity. Jeez, Luna, dramatic much?
Backstage, Indra gave Octavia a pep talk that tore all of our hearts out, don’t even pretend like it didn’t.
YOU GUYS THEY BOTH CRIED, and then I cried, and we ALL cried, because Indra said Octavia IS her people, and we all know that to be true, and maybe Octavia is about to die.
Meanwhile, the Skaikru brain trust huddled up to practice being assholes.
This was hard, you guys. Remember when they met and she had weirdly dyed red hair, and he dragged her around the countryside, and they engaged in a bunch of fisticuffs? Man, what a fun meet-cute.
When Kane and Bellamy started giving Octavia pointers about fighting, I was like, “um, guys, how many grounders have you brutally murdered? She’s got this.” But they were surprisingly helpful!
I liked this a lot. It would have been easy for these two to solve their relationship issues just moments before her possible death, but we would know she was forgiving him through circumstance, not with any true shift in her opinion.
Then the conclave started, and it was very intense and exciting! Everyone’s mean faces were so good! Even Ilian! Look at this adorable mug:
Awe. Little guy.
Octavia happened upon someone who already knew how to be aggressive.
She followed Bellamy’s advice to run and hide, which was a good move because then this fellow stumbled upon Roan, and all of a sudden Roan was taking out two warriors at once. Fight scenes are near impossible to screen-grab, so I’ll summarize this epic brawl with words: Roan was like, “hiiiya!” and his shield thingy broke and he threw it like, “Take that!” Then the other guy was like, “pow, punches and kicks!”, then Roan went, “just gonna cleave your head in two like it’s no big deal,” then the other guy was like, “I’m gonna fight, too! I like to fight! Please include me!” Then Roan was like, “I’m so good I fight in slow motion sometimes.” and the other guy was all, “damn! Punch, stab, slash!” And Roan just shook his head like, “Ohhhh no ya don’t.” And he killed him.
It was very tense, and very awesome. The fellow he brutally murdered to death was from Trikru, which means Indra and all her peeps are going to burn to death in a fiery inferno.
This was a nice ‘let’s make-up before we die’ moment between Indra and her daughter. #HereForTheHugs
Then we got our first lady showdown.
Let’s take a sec to appreciate how gloriously awkward this whole episode was. These people used to be pals! Roan, Clarke, Octavia, Ilian, Bellamy, Echo… even the Trikru guy. So many people who used to chill out together were now trying to kill each other, which I’m pretty sure is a social faux pas.
Speaking of, Octavia was tending to the giant gash in her arm when Ilian popped in for a catch-up sesh.
Poor guy just wants some mid-battle love from his crush and she’s all, “for real, I’ll murder a hunk, I ain’t even bothered.”
Bellamy was enjoying the entertainment when he noticed a certain sassy spy was missing / shooting people.
Bellamy rushed off to deal with it all Bellamy-style, and Kane was totally for it. Remember when Kane came to the ground and put Bellamy in jail for punching Murphy? Haha… these two.
Then Octavia got herself into a bit of a pickle, and again, it’s impossible to screen-grab that shit, so: Octavia shook her head all, “ohhhhh boy”, and not one but THREE other champions were like, “ohhhh yeah, this is happening,” then Ilian was all, “aaaaiiiiieeeeee party time! Punch, kick, stab!” And Octavia was all, “aw hell yeah, Imma cut this guy’s hand off!” And Ilian was like, “WHOA COOL!” And they won.
At this point I am not ashamed to say that I screamed out something like, “ECHO YOU BLORFING ZIGGUT!” because I was incapable of forming real words.
Ilian asked Octavia to kill him because “she promised” *sob*, and so she did, and once again she had to watch her love interest die brutally in front of her very eyes.
This was very sad. Goodbye Ilian. To think, if Skaikru had never come to the ground, you’d be chillin’ at your farm, doing whatever it is you did with those sheep, blissfully unaware of the radioactive hellfire coming your way.
Bellamy scampered to Echo’s death-window and they had some words.
I have been begging for a bromance for Bellamy for years, and like a benevolent TV Deity, The 100 didn’t give me what I want… it gave me what I need. Bellamy’s bromance was in front of me the whole time… with his actual sister. Their sibling relationship has consistently been the beating heart of this show, and it was real nice, real nice, to see that bond shine during such an otherwise brutal episode. Will their relationship be perfect now? No, of course not. But they’re on the road to recovery, and that is an awesome gift The 100 has given us this day.
Anyway, Octavia tried to attack Roan, but he had something different in mind.
Alliance!! Man, Roan is just so damn reasonable. The two of them challenged Luna, and it went a little something like this:
Luna was like, “gimme a sec, just killing this girl real quick,” then they were like, “banter, haha”, then Octavia joined in and Luna was all, “I just Matrixed your sword, sucka! Kapow, blam, clank!” Then she punched Octavia straight in the face, then Roan was like, “Who da besss, I’M DA BESSS, blamo, fool!” and he was about to stab Luna when Octavia was all , “holy shit, black rain, Immaouttahere!” and Roan was like, “naw, I’m cool. I got her.” And then this happened:
Octavia wins, and the crowd goes wild! She did it by being “the girl in the floor”, which is damn well bloody amazing. She ran and hid and snuck around, and it resulted in one dead nightblood. Bye Luna! You were very cool.
Then, in a dramatic moment that Octavia earned the shit out of, she walked in and threw the mardi gras death beads on the floor, essentially announcing her kickass victory.
This was awesome. Octavia announced that Skaikru would be sharing the bunker, essentially saving all of humanity. Well done, madam.
And that’s that! What do you guys think? Was Clarke right to take the bunker? Was she just doing what was best for her people, once again “bearing the burden so they don’t have to?” Or is she a total asshole?
IT’S SO GREY!
I don’t like to rank episodes as “best” or “worst” because each one brings us something different, but Die All, Die Merrily was certainly the most WHAT THE EFFING SHEEZE WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HOLY SHIT.
It made me swear, you guys. It made me swear lots. It’s also a great set-up for the remaining three episodes. What in the sweet hell is going to happen next?? I give this episode roughly a thousand and fourteen out of ten. YOU?
- So many hugs!
- So what happens to the people left outside the bunker right now? What about Kane and Octavia? Hmmmm, show?
- We’re all mourning a lot of things right now (for example, the Bellarke ship going down in flames of betrayal, ammiright, shippers?), but more importantly, we shall never know the mysterious backstory Luna had with Roan.
- What is the Adventure B Squad up to right now? Are they high off nuts? Do they regret their decision to stay behind? Are Jasper and Monty standing in a corner repeatedly doing their special high-five? Is Riley regaling them with tales of his as-yet-unexplained rich and complex backstory?
- Crazy Ex Girlfriend is an excellent show, and the song Lady Boss is 10 / 10.
- Fun fact – tv.com spellcheck had a problem with BLORFING, but not ZIGGUT. Hmm.
- Do you think Raven and Hallucination-Becka are still getting along?
- ARE YOU OKAY?
[Originally Posted May 2017 on tv.com]