The 100 “Anaconda” Photo Recap; Oh My Gosh, Look at Her Brains, Look at, Look at, Look at, Look, at Her Brains

Yep. Uhm hmmmmm, yes, thank you… *nods* Yes. Good. 

Back in season whatever when we learned of the Grounders’ culture, or when Ipadicus first showed us a zany cult leader, or when BunkerKru first inhabited their cult-digs, or when we learned about Becca and the bombs and Polaris and the first commander and the flame and witch-burning and a made-up language and *gasping breath*… did you ever, in your wildest imaginings, predict something like THIS??? The meticulously detailed world-building this massive feat took… I just. *vigorous nodding* YES. Even if this prequel series never comes to fruition (which it absolutely should), this episode on its own was a marvelous seasons-long payoff that deserves all the ice cream. Anaconda just had to be so damn awesome that I guess I’m hooked forever? 

Hey guys, remember last recap when I was like, “Is Bill maybe a good guy?” Hahahahahhahahahahhaha, I mean sure, he wanted to save humanity (well, the top 1% of humanity [snob alert!]). But his motivations were 100% sociopathically selfish – he just wanted to be the ultimate hero! He wanted to be the most popular in all the land! He wanted to be prom king AND valedictorian! 

And can we talk about our alluring and intriguing new protagonists??? Callie! Reese! August! Tristan! Callie’s Cool Mom! So many delicious dreamy layers! When I first heard of a The 100 prequel, I was absolutely convinced it was going to be the Becca show. I thought she’d get a few years as a Grounder Queen before meeting her toasty death. I thought the prequel was going to be Call Me Bill vs. Becca vs. The Earth. 

I am so happy to be so wrong. Nothing of the story we’ve experienced before is left to rehash. Everything has been sufficiently hashed! Call Me Bill waltzed through the anomaly to Bardo with his entire fanclub, leaving the bunker conveniently empty for our season 4 anti-heroes (something I had always questioned), and Becca was promptly murdered. The story the prequel series will (hopefully) tell will be totally new, with sprinkles of mythology that has heretofore only been hinted at in its parent show. AWESOME.

The episode began in the heartbreaking moments after the last ended, where the Squad learned of a certain hero’s “death”. Naturally, they immediately got to problem-solvin’ (that’s their form of therapy), and had a staff meeting with Call Me Bill. 

Codogan was freaking out so huge, and trying SO HARD not to show it. We immediately found out why Clarke is the “key”, and it’s because of the flame! Congratulations to everyone who called it! 

I have some (so many) questions – so the Bardonites think Clarke still has the flame inside her noggin, right? Because Levitt only made it to season 3 of his binge-watch? That means that Gabe (who very pointedly mentioned it to Clarke) has been lying to them the whole time (that boy knows what is and is not shoved into the back of her brain stem!). It also means they haven’t memory-binged Octavia anymore. Innnnnnnnnnteresting. (Or am I totally wrong?)  

Anyway, Clarke was all, “yes, your daughter is totally in my head, I have what you want, how very convenient for all of us.” Which was an obvious bluff because Clarke has never mentioned any residual commander memories (but SOMEONE has!!!!!!! *squeeeeeee*).

Just your typical teen slumber party, having pillow fights, making milkshakes, and stitching a head wound sustained during a riot against a corrupt and dishonest government (*stares into the camera for a full minute*). Meet Callie, our (hopefully) protagonist – a wicked smart, kinda violent activist with a heart (and mind!) of gold. Obviously it’s an irrefutable fact that we all already love her, so chalk one up for the prequel. 

She and her bestie-for-ever-and-ever (read: for approximately seven more minutes) talked about being super cool activists, fighting THE MAN, and advocating for environmental justice (😍). So many things were mentioned during this conversation: Becca, Cadogann, Trikru(!), her “training”, and the fact that these two ladies are ride-or-die for each other (😢). Then their teen rebellion was interrupted by a call on the future-phone by a certain nosy antagonist.

Turns out Cadogan was a bit of an absentee father. Building a bunker-cult is very time consuming! Anyway, he was peeved that she wasn’t going to attend MIT (she’s so smart!) but that conversation became the very definition of moot when it was interrupted by a literal apocalypse. 

Whooooooooboy, Callie wanted to bring Lucy to her dad’s doomsday shindig, but her mom knew she wouldn’t get in if she wasn’t Second Dawn, so she sproinked her with some nap juice, and they left her. 

Meet both Reese (Callie’s brother), and August, a young hunk who was also not feeling bunker-life, especially without his girlfriend, who was getting roasted outside. But then a guard, Tristan, knocked him out and that was that, I’m sure he’ll be over it in no time *wink*! Anyway, then the apocalypse finished itself up, and Callie said “your fight is over” in Grounderish, and I CLAPPED, you guys, I actually clapped. 

Hahaha, oh, Call Me Bill, how embarrassing for you. He plunked in some symbols from a wall, as if a floating orb of mystery was going to be THAT easy, and absolutely nothing happened. I love it when pompous ass-faces fail, I truly do. 

They casually discussed the fact that there are still rooms left at the inn, and Callie was like, “hmmmmm, you don’t say?” and skedaddled to go get her bestie (or literally anyone? I doubt she thought she’d reach Lucy), and look who had the same idea!

ALLIANCE!!!! August nap-juiced Tristan in his attempt to go outside and save his ladypal, but he needed the code first. Callie was pumped to join him (and to learn that he, too, fought against an unjust government in “Tree Crew” [tee hee]), but a certain guard stopped them, followed by a familial scuffle. 

Reese arrived and had the guards drag August away so that he could have an expositional chat with his sister. Turns out he blindly follows their dad because he isn’t the favourite, but wants to be SO BAD. The conversation had a backing track of someone rap-tap-tappin’ on the hatch, but Reese didn’t let them in because they didn’t have all their merit badges, and the bunker didn’t need anyone who couldn’t play the bugle. 

After a two-year time jump where I guess everyone made up and started a hiking club, Becca dropped from the sky and was like, “yes, your story intersects with mine, you can thank the TV Gods later, but right now bitches got work to do.” 

After Tristan became a drama queen about a lil’ radiation exposure, and Becca pricked him with some nightblood goop, she was brought to Cadogan and the anomalball. 

Hahahahahhahhhaha x forever. Becca waltzed into Call Me Bill’s anomalroom and immediately solved the riddle he’d been noodling on for YEARS. She could HEAR the intense harmonies coming off the stone (I like to imagine the runes practicing in their off time – perfect harmonies don’t just HAPPEN you know!), and pressed the ones that were belting the loudest. The Rachel Berry runes, if you will. Anyway, the anomalsphere was like, “omg finally, I need a stretch so bad,” and popped to life. 

Becca offered to night-goop everyone, but Bill was like, “humanity will be saved by MY COOL IDEA, or humanity will not be saved at all,” and Becca was like, “that’s dumb,” but Call Me Bill was like, “fetch me a coffee, sweetheart,” and Becca and Callie shared a look like, “ugh, this guy.” 

Callie and Becca brainstormed how to goop the rest of the cult, and it really was a good plan, until Becca figured out how to crack an anomalwindow. 

Becca saw Judgement Day! Not the judgement day that already happened… or, I guess the one that happened after that, but a different, probably even WORSE future judgement day. Is that going to be a prequel storyline, or is it something our Adventure Squad has to look forward to?? Was it a bunch of “Crystal Giants”?? Was it an ice cream truck that never stops? Was it Baby Shark on a loop? Whatever it was, Becca wasn’t super comfortable with the idea of anyone else going through. Alas, Call Me Bill was too blinded by his desire to be voted Raddest Guy Dead or Alive, so he locked her up. 

Becca was like, “keep this flame for me,” and Callie was all, “KEEP the FLAME, eh? Hmmmmmm.” And Becca was like, “yeah, that’s what… um, did I say it strangely?” and Callie was like, ‘you said it PERFECTLY,” and Becca was all, “you’re making this weird.” [If Callie didn’t suction that thing into her own neck then at the very least she was the first Flamekeeper, VERY COOL]. Anyway, Reese read Becca’s diary (RUDE) and found out about the flame, so Becca made Callie pinky-swear to get it back and decide who should be the next leader of the human race, NO PRESSURE. 

Reese burned Becca alive like a 17th century woman who had opinions, which I’m sure won’t haunt him at all. Reese is going to be a fun complex character to (HOPEFULLY) follow, considering his inevitable torn allegiance. That fade onto Reese’s face during her death has me very excited about the possibility that HE will take the flame (what an awkward reunion THAT would be). 

Callie and her peeps had a showdown with Reese and his peeps that resulted in some sibling squabbling, some hurtful words, and a non-fatal gunshot wound (who hasn’t been there, ammiright). Callie was all, “the strongest fighter shall decide!” (sound familiar?????) but then she shot him, took the flame and nightblood-gooped him. 

Callie’s Cool Mom helped them all into the vestibule and then gave her daughter a last look-nod goodbye (maybe?) as Reese was vowing to go after his lil’ sis and give her a huge wedgie or something. 

Then Call Me Bill shoved his ex into the veranda and left her to fend for herself on a radiated planet without nightblood! What a grade A assface! Ugh, at least this means we’ll get more Callie’s Cool Mom in the prequel. Exactly how did Reese feel about it? I hope we find out! Anyway, Callie and the future Grounders (if that’s not a great band name, I don’t know what is), headed into the wilds of a radiated wonderland, while Call Me Bill walked headfirst into Bardo and a possible Crystal Giant-themed apocalypse 3.0. 

Back in the present (future?) Call Me Bill wanted all the answers, but Clarke was like, “You will get all the answers that I definitely for sure have without a doubt, but first I’d like a tearful reunion please.” 

They looked pretty converted, but appearances can be deceiving, and also, ppppffffffftttt, nawwwwwww, not my girls! Gabe has very clearly been lying to the Bardonites, which suggests he’s not as hopped up on sugary Kool-Aid as I thought last week, which means these three probably aren’t, either. 

WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK?????? A fact about me; I don’t do prequels. I rarely care about what came before when I already know what happened after, you know? I didn’t watch Solo, I didn’t read the Hunger Games book about young Snow, and I was sorely disappointed by Casper; A Spirited Beginning. What I’m saying is, prequels very rarely give me something I care about enough to invest in. I generally want to see what happens AFTER, not BEFORE! 

BUT, like I said at the start of this wackadoo rambling, I am very happy to be so wrong. I’m invested. I’m on board. You got me, show. You got me good. 

SOME STUFF

• Was the kerfuffle between Callie and her brother held in Blodreina’s fighting pit? If so… *slow clap* That room does not have a super peaceful history! 

• “People want to believe their leaders are telling the truth.” … *once again stares into the camera for a full minute* 

• BFF Lucy is totally going to be back (maybe a little bit broiled), and the fact that Callie left her behind is going to for suuuuuuuuuuure make things awkward, and I cannot WAIT. 

• Speaking of awesome babes who will be back, Becca’s in that flame, sooooo… might as well put Erica Cerra in the opening credits, right?

• Watching the missiles hit from the helicopter was very cool (and horrifying). High five. 

• Will Callie & Co. clash with the Mountain Minions??? Or is that a story that, too, has been hashed? I thought the point of Grounderish was to be able to communicate while captured by Mountain Manor, but it seems Grouderish originated before that conflict. I wouldn’t mind seeing the ancestors of the creepiest man born of woman! 

• I ship all of these new kids. All of them, in every possible pairing/trio. Except for the siblings, obviously. But I think my #1 meet-cute is Tristan and August (DON’T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN’T FEEL IT). 

• How DID Cadogan know the end of the world was on the agenda? DOES he have some sort of crystal ball powers, or did he just get lucky? 

• The whole, “in the wrong mind the Flame will be the ABSOLUTE WORST,” was a nice shout-out to Sheid. Wonder what he’s up to. He better not be anywhere near Picasso I swear to GOD. 

• If the Bardonites think is Clarke is great, WAIT till they hear about Madi! 

• I’m guessing the anomalstone was “offline” before Bunkerkru moved in, otherwise they may have accidentally stumbled onto a different planet in the six years they lived there. 

• Tristan loves naps so much that his friends keep knocking him out. I wish I had good friends like that! Love naps! 

• So, we want this prequel, right? Yeahhhhhhhhh, we want it. 

Congratulations to our JOKES FROM THE PAAAAAAAAST winners, Genevieve Guerin and Unrepentant Snafu for correctly guessing Emori’s ninja turtle origins;

And honorary mention to ninjachris3 for noting that Nelson loves macaroni art as much as McCreary did in season 5.

THAT’S IT FROM ME THANK YOU FOR COMING I APPRECIATE YOU ALL FOR WHO YOU ARE!