Sanditon 3.2 Photo-Recap: More Ships Than a Harbour

Sanditon season 3 is NOT messing around. She’s out here giving away ships like Oprah handing out cars, and I am equally as excited as those new motorists! We have our old favourites sharing angst-filled longing glances, we have grumpy old rich people sassing about past regrets, we have a newly single Lady Susan AND a new dreamboat in town. Hmmmm, am I forgetting a ship? I feel like there was one more… oh right, ARTHUR AND HENRY. It’s happening, right? Ya’ll see it? Yeahhhhh, ya’ll see it. 

Tom was coming up short in his search for a lawyer to take Georgiana’s case against stupid dumb-face Lockhart and his greedy butt-shit claim on her fortune. Apparently every lawyer in the land thought it was a losing battle, considering how racist the judge was. And it’s totally not even an absolute bummer to think about how that shit is still happening today…. 

Sorry, where were we? 

Oh right, Charlotte stayed behind as my beautiful peanut Sensible Ralph went back to the farm like the tall glass of room-temp celery juice he is. 

Charlotte and Georgiana were bemoaning their dire situation when Leo ran up with her cousin and Sad-Dad in tow. Colbourne was all, “I didn’t tell her to do that.” And Charlotte was like, “I didn’t think you did.” And Colourne was like, “I don’t give her five bucks every time she gives me an excuse to talk to you, either.” And Charlotte was like, “Well now I think maybe you do.” And Colbourne was like, “NUH UH!” and sat down at the table directly next to hers so he could brood over her presence and keep his ears open to any potential opportunities. And what a coinkidink, one presented itself! They need a lawyer!

Get BACK! Ugggghhhhhh, I will never stop saying how much I hate this until Sir FunkyCheeseFingers is launched from her life on a literal catapult into a pile of tacks. I am not on board for using her as a route for redemption for him. SERIOUSLY, SHOW. 

Anyway, like every dude ever, he thought it would be a super duper treat for a woman to read his dumb poetry (or read his short story, flip through his finger paintings, watch his stand-up routine in his basement, whatever, you feel me). She was like, “that’s dumb, bye,” but her eyes were saying, “make it rhyme” and MY eyes were saying, “GET THIS OUT OF ME.” 

My heart is AFLAME. Mr. Harry Snooty Snoot knows a Gentleman and a Scholar when he sees one, so naturally he approached Arthur with an invitation to friendship. Arthur, believing Harry to be just another fortune hunter, was having NONE OF IT, because he’s so ride or die for Georgiana. Harry was undeterred, though, because he knows his worth, I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH (I know, I know, I met Henry last episode, I should calm my tits, but YOU GUYS). 

Tom informed Mr. Price that Lady D wanted to delete him from the group chat about the hotel, and Mr. Price took that to mean “she wants to chat in person.” 

Turns out Mr. Price IS the dude Lady D talked about in season 1 who left her at the altar. They bickered at each other and in the end she agreed to the hotel on HER TERMS, not because she’s crushing on him and wants an excuse to be around him, it’s BUSINESS. 

Our boy immediately donned his literal cape and rode to London on horseback to fetch a brother he hasn’t seen in ten years in order to help his one true love’s friend. That is some Darcy-level shit and I am ABOUT IT. 

Lydia and Mama Snooty Snoot showed up at Colbourne’s to hang out, but in his haste to pull a Darcy, he’d completely forgotten about their pity-date. Leo and Augusta let her know what’s up, though, and she was not only cool about it, but played along with Leo’s game. You guys, I like her. It’s so damn refreshing having a rival who isn’t a hussy (*once again spits on ground*)

You know who else was cool with Leo? Hot Colbourne Lawyer! If we didn’t only have 4 more episodes left, I would be worried he’d turn out to be awful or something, but since we have such little time, I’ll take his charm at face value. 

The brothers Colbourne showed up to offer their services: the older as a lawyer, and the younger as a longing-stare-machine. Both proved very valuable!

I hate this. Moving on. 

Quick question, what is Creepy Preacher’s DEAL with his sister??? Does she basically fulfill the duties of a wife for him and therefore he doesn’t want her going off to be someone else’s wife, leaving him to wash his own skid-marked underwear? Or is it something more sinister? Is it more about possession and control? 

My beloved Dr. Fuchs wrote to Ms. Hankins and her weird creepy brother wouldn’t leave her the eff alone to read it until she played up his ego and he got distracted. He’s like that kid who picks up the other receiver to listen to his sister gab to her crush (yes, I’m landline-years-old). It’s weird and annoying and creepy, and I hope she gets out of that situation. 

Okay for real, the relief that comes with someone cancelling plans is second only to the relief I feel when I think I’m out of ice cream, then open my freezer to find a forgotten pint of mint-chip. However in this case, the king cancelling his visit to Sanditon meant that the fancy singer they hired probably wouldn’t perform, the Parkers would lose a bunch of money, and Arthur would never get the court jester to sign his tell-all book. It was a bad situation all around, but Harry once again would not be deterred!

Reader, I love him. He suggested they dazzle the singer with pomp so that she won’t notice a missing monarch. This also means that Lady Susan is no longer the king’s number one lady, which was a sad conversation to have. Honestly give it up to Sophie Winkleman for playing this moment with such grace in her attempt to veil her insult and disappointment. 

Oh, and Mr. Price was all, “What are these?” and Tom was like, “People’s homes?” and Price was like, “Do they need them?” and Tom was like, “Um… yes.” And Price was all, “What for?” and Tom was like, “To… live in?” And Price was like, “????????” 

He wants to knock down a slew of poor homes so they can build their grand hotel near the beach. I’m sure it’s fine!

Charlotte and Georgiana went to Casa Colbourne to practice for trial and sexual-tension at each other. It was both delightful and horrifying. Colbourne hid behind Augusta and Leo, saying THEY missed her (sure, bud), while his older bro came at Georgiana to show her what trial will be like. 

This was brutal and I hated it, but I understood why he went there. D-bag’s lawyers are going to drag Georgiana and her parents through the mud, and she needs to be prepared for it. 

Hahahahahahhahaha I am in love. Harry showed up in all his weird British finery to welcome the singer and make her feel special. She was BARELY having it, and Arthur was beside himself.  

Arthur, being the honest, beautiful man he is, refused to lie to the singer about the king’s attendance. He told the truth, Harry took the blame for lying to her (fair enough), and she said she’d perform anyway. A true artiste!

Everyone sees it, right? This isn’t wishful thinking??

Charlotte took a saunter with Lady Susan, who hit the nail on the head about Charlotte’s avoidance of her betrothed. Even in the throws of rejection, Lady Susan can’t stop being a shipper!

I hate this. 

This woman did not give a single hoot whether the king was in attendance, girl just wanted to perform. She was charming as hell and everyone was inspired, prompting one of the most sexual-tensioned hand-flirtations every committed to film (the first being from Emma, don’t @ me, I know ya’ll are going to say 2005 P&P, and yes, it’s great, but just feast upon Emma and change your lives). 

It also inspired Georgiana, who, seeing the strength and independence of the magnificent singer (who really was magnificent), decided to fight for her inheritance (and therefore her own independence). 

Huzzah!

What did you guys think of episode 2? Things certainly are heating up, as they must with only six episodes to tell this story. There’s so much to be stressed about, while also squealing with delight?? My heart and soul are so confused. 

I’m a bit scared they really will take Georgiana’s fortune so a certain dreamboat from her past can swoop in and prove he was never in it for the money. I hope they don’t go that route. I really want her to retain her independence AND find happiness. She can have it all!

• “Don’t flatter me, it makes me suspicious.” Haha, Mrs. D, never change. 

• The grace with which Lady Susan changed Arthur’s mind from bagpipes to a violin and let him think it was HIS idea. I can see why this woman is basically the queen of the Regency. 

• LOVING that neither Colburne nor Mrs. Wheatley have forced little Leo to grow their hair. 

• Speaking of his kids, can we talk about how outrageously sexy it is that this man is not only raising two daughters who don’t share a single drop of blood with him, but is doing it WELL?? His growth from last season is astronomical. 

• Mama Snoot wanted Henry to abandon Georgiana now that her inheritance was in danger, and he did not, because HE IS A PRINCE WHO DESERVES A PRINCE. 

• Speaking of, did we all notice that Arthur used the same “I can’t be offended by someone I don’t even think about, what’s your name again?” tactic on Harry that Sidney used on Charlotte? Hmmmmmmm….. innnnnnnnteresting.

• How do we we think Esther is doing? Has she taught the baby how to disdain Babs’ every word yet? Does Babs love every damn second of it?

• I was going to put a whole sequence where Mr. StankyFeetBreath wrote bad poetry and Mrs. Hankins just repeatedly tells him SHOW DON’T TELL, but then I thought that was a very specific joke only for the English majors.

• Tom asked Mary for advice about the hotel. Growth!

• Do you guys think Rose Williams and Ben Lloyd-Hughes practice their longing glances? Do you think they had staring boot camps the same way action stars train for fight scenes? How are they SO GOOD AT IT??

• Augusta KNOWS Sir GhoulButt is after her money. She SAID AS MUCH. And yet you’re still going to make her fall for him, aren’t you, show?? 

• Remember in season 1 when Creepy Preacher said women are flowers who fulfill God’s will by blooming and waiting to be plucked? Man, this guy just keeps inching up the creepy scale. Him taking credit for the redemption of Sir PoopyToes when he’s clearly being played is truly a testament to his hubris. 

• The oldest Colburne bro is not immune to the shipping epidemic spreading across all of Sanditon. He KNOWS WHAT’S UP between Colbourne and Charlotte.

• Lady D approved knocking down the houses! Ugh, why don’t you just tell them to eat cake, it’ll be less overt. 

• Lady Susan bonding with Samual Colbourne about their mutual love of shipping is lighting my heart aflame. 

• “The greatest mistake of my life was not joining you in that church on that rainy day.” Ahhhhhh! The geriatric romance is HAPPENING!! I hope he doesn’t turn out to be nefarious. 

• My friends launched a new site devoted to fandom, and I think it’s pretty darn neat. It’s a place to unapologetically love the things you love and share that passion (along with memes, videos, discussions, articles, etc) with other fans. There is a page specifically for our favourite seaside resort town, if ya’ll want to sign up and check it out!