“Hello ma’am, my name is Marsha and I’ll be your server today. Do you know what you’d like to order?”
Stakes.
“Of course, how many would you like?”
320.
“I’m sorry… 320?”
Yes. I’ll take 320 juicy, tender, oxygen deprived stakes with a side of awkward love triangle, please.
“Oh, I think that’s spelled differentl-“
GIVE ME MY STAKES.
“Coming right up.”
YOU GUYS! The 100 continues to crush every preconceived notion I have about CW teen adventure shows. Just when I think I know what’s going to happen, this show is all: “Psych! Those savvy kids are NOT going to save 320 people like you thought they would! Haha, look at your face! I totally got you!”
And it did, you guys, this show got me. Was I alone in thinking those flares were going to be noticed just in the nick of time? I was SURE that adorable befreckled father with his sympathetic blind daughter was going to look back on this day and laaaaaaaugh. But NOPE. He’s dead, you guys, along with 319 of his buddies.
But what am I doing gushing about how awesome death on TV is, when we could photo recap!
The episode began with our heroes post-canoodle, surrounded by candles. Here’s my question: did Clarke get up and light those candles before Finn woke up, or were they burning all night? That seems wasteful.
Seriously, what are these kids eating? They didn’t get any CGI, right?
Clarke was surprisingly open about how much she loved her trip to Sexyville with Finn. She wanted it to be him! She loooooooves him.
Meanwhile in space, Abby was rotting in a prison cell, even though criminals on the Arc get an automatic trip out the airlock.
Philliberious told her that the council voted, and a bunch of people are going to die. At this point I was all, “sure, show… ooookay.” What a fool I am! He also threw it in her face that both their kids are (presumably) dead, which was kinda rude.
How long do you guys think Raven was in the pod before it jettisoned through Earth’s atmosphere? I can’t even make it through a Marvel movie without having to run to the ladies room (those movies are super long, ammiright). So either she has the bladder of a camel, or that space suit is chaffing.
Finn and Clarke were having a romantic moment when they saw a hot-girl-shaped shooting star. The folks back at camp saw it too, including this guy:
LOL for eternity. This made my year. I mean… I can’t… it’s just so ludicrous. Oh, TEENS!
After Bellamy recovered from his own studliness, he came outside to see what’s up.
Oh no! Bellamy believes his days are numbered, so he set off on his own sinister mission with an Adventure Squad of one.
Finn tried to get Clarke to take a moment to appreciate the fact that they’ve survived the hellish nightmare that is their current lives. She took the opportunity to remind the viewers that major characters have already died, and we’re only five episodes in. She DIDN’T mention the woodland couple that got eaten by fog, so maybe the camp thinks they’re on an extended honeymoon? Who knows.
I cannot say this enough, the fact that people actually die is my favourite thing about this show (besides the Beautiful Creepster – miss you!). It’s a “no one is safe” attitude akin to LOST or Game of Thrones.
Up in space, we were introduced to a very sympathetic family that we immediately started rooting for.
The lack of oxygen wasn’t just making everyone cranky and tired, it was actually turning little girls blind!
Clarke and Finn went looking for Bellamy, because I assume Clarke can’t stand to be away from him for too long, only to find out he had skedaddled. Of course, Clarke blamed herself for getting “distracted”.
Haha, like… what? I’m sorry guys, I know she’s our hero, but that is just some whackadoo logic right there. So, if she wasn’t off on some sex adventure, she would have noticed Bellamy leaving? Is it because she sits outside his tent at night whispering his name and peeling petals off flowers to leave by his bedside?
Speaking of his name, can we talk about how awesome it is that everyone has started calling him “Bell”
Anyway, then Bellamy told Octavia he essentially murdered a public official so he could babysit her, and she was NOT having it!
Kane was getting Tiberonious to give his authorization by tapping an iPad (LOL) when Ronorious dropped the bomb that he planned on dying with the others.
What ever happened to Abby’s best pal who was getting nasty with Kane? Did she get sucked out of the air lock? Did she not test well with audiences? Is she sitting in a corner of the Arc playing solitaire and eating peanut butter with her bare hands?
Back to the point – Kane was trying to convince Phineas to NOT kill himself, hinting that maybe Kane isn’t the sexy villain we thought him to be.
Bellamy got to the pod first and had a moment of deliberation before not killing Raven (yeah, you BETTER not!), then he threw the radio in the pond.
Then look who decided to show up!
To her credit, Clarke was super chill about the whole thing, especially when they just would not stop making out in front of her. I get that they’ve been separated for a long time, but PDA is gross in any situation.
Up in space, Abby was understandably peeved at Hibranious for wanting to kill himself and leave Kane in charge.
So Abby went back to her bachelorette pad and pulled out an old Vlog.
Then we got a thrilling scene where Octavia attacked herself!
Octavia is a danger to herself. Moving on.
The Adventure Squad confronted Bellamy in the woods and told him that 320 will die because of his tomfoolery. Then I had a momentary flash of red hot rage because he MANHANDLED my angel-faced mechanic. She had it, though.
She informed him that he is not, in fact, a murderer. Clarke seemed pretty psyched to hear that.
Then everyone’s favourite Vlog started clogging up the airwaves.
So basically Abby played Melted Zeus’s video blog for the whole Arc, letting them in on what’s up. Do you think she feels kinda dumb now for turning her husband in and getting him sucked out an airlock for wanting to do the same thing?
Down on Earth, the teens scoured the river until they found the radio, but alas, it was all for naught. Then the coolest chick on the planet (pun intended) came up with an idea!
Oh, and Finn tried to make drama about their love triangle, but Clarke once again was very cool about it.
Up in space, Kane and Gregarious were giving Abby heck when a scruffy, lovable ginger came in to volunteer to die.
Then a whole slew of people came in to volunteer so that their loved ones could live and I legitimately got teary-eyed, you guys. I’m not ashamed!
Kane seemed particularly bummed and sorry about the whole thing.
Back on earth Raven was being bossy and I LOVED IT.
Then Kane convinced Brubonious not to kill himself.
Then we got a scene between the adorable befreckled father and his plucky blind daughter that I can’t even caption because I couldn’t come up with one snarky thing to say. She didn’t know it was the last time she’d see him, and he was trying to keep his cool, and IT WAS HEARTBREAKING.
This man should get awards.
Kane explained how he got Titanious to change his mind, and assured Abby that her radio is being monitored. Guys, I think I’ve figured out why the show ditched Kane’s old girlfriend.
Down on Earth, the kids got the flares to work!
Ugh, God, I just can’t.
Back on Earth we got a scene where Bellamy and Clarke talked about wishing and she meaningfully glanced at Finn, which… *sigh*, okay. I guess that’s how this show is going to play it. When Clarke was being so chill about it I was hoping she was going to just let it go and move on. Call me crazy, but I don’t love it when a heroine is pining after a dude.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good ship, and I recognize the entertainment value in romance. But, when that romance turns into a one-sided wallow-fest, my eyes just will not stop rolling. And I sincerely hope this doesn’t get in the way of an awesome team-up of those two strong ladies.
Anyway, Octavia finally awoke from her nap. She was out for a LONG TIME, you guys! I love how Bellamy’s main deal is to protect his sister, and he didn’t even noticed she was gone ALL DAY.
Then, just as we thought the rockets would go unnoticed…
Well, five episodes in and the death count is… what, like… 330? I don’t know from math, but it’s a lot! I’m not saying there should be a major character death or mass murder in every episode, but so far this has been awesome. Like I have ranted about before, when people actually die, the stakes are raised. When the stakes are raised, we actually fear for the characters, and boy howdy, DO I EVER.
So, yes, I’m giving this episode a thumbs up. The only reason it’s not an ENTHUSIASTIC thumbs up is because it momentarily turned our heroine into a love sick school-girl, but I’m sure (hope) that’s short lived. She DID handle it like a champ, and I suppose I’m being hard on her, but I can’t help the way I feel! Just like I can’t help but finish this bag of dill pickle chips as my dinner.
SOME STUFF
— What do you guys think our Beautiful Creepster is up to? Did he start a band with the Grounders? Is their first single “Earth Stinks and So Do You”? I hope so.
— Are you pumped that Raven has joined the group? Do you think her and Clarke will be best friends, or will Clarke be a butt and treat her like a romantic rival?
— How long was that Grounder leaning over Octavia before she woke up? Do you think he smelled her hair?
— Can you make a better image of Bellamy as Belle? If so, PLEASE DO!
K, my bum has fallen asleep while writing this, so I better go wiggle a little.
See you next week!!
[Originally Posted April 2014 on tv.com]
Toni Watches 
ORIGINAL POST COMMENTS:
BeautifulCreepster
Apr 18, 2017
Toni I must say I am incredibly disappointed that you didn’t make a joke about Raven’s radio being stolen and the Twenty-One Pilots song “Car Radio”
Somebody stole
My Ark radio
And now 320 people
Are dying
Charissa29
Dec 02, 2015
Jeez, I have been re-reading your recaps before season three sets in, and they are STILL so ridiculously funny! Astute too. I agree with everyone that your names for Jaha are a riot. Can’t wait for your season three recaps. Is it harder to recap when you respect a show? Your recaps are never mean, which I love by the way!
AcornArmy
Dec 01, 2015
(Posting this here because I can’t seem to get messages to work)
Toni: After watching all the way through to the end of Season 2, how do you feel about the show now? Do you still think it’s not as good as Lost or GoT?
Before I saw S2, I wouldn’t have compared The 100 to GoT or Battlestar Galactica, or called it one of the best shows on television; I didn’t even watch S2 when it aired, I waited until it showed up on Netflix. I liked S1, but I thought it was only pretty good, not… well, whatever S2 was. Mind-explodingly awesome? Fist-pumpingly tragic? Some crazy mixture of “emotionally soul-crushing” and “awesome,” whatever you call that.
But now, I have to agree that The 100 has become one of the best shows on TV. It’s as good as BSG, imho, even S1 and S2 BSG, which I liked most. I’m not sure ifThe 100 is as good as the best of GoT yet, but it’s getting close. Maybe Season 3 will push it over the edge.
Toni_watches Jan 26, 2017
Apologies for the late response – my answer is yes, yes I DO believe this show is as good as Battlestar and GoT and LOST, and all the other shows. ALL. THE SHOWS.
atheandra
Mar 20, 2015
“Before anyone starts writing me nasty letters in blood damning me to a hellish post-apocalyptic Earth, let me say that no, I don’t think The 100 is as good as those iconic shows as far as quality is concerned. BUT, it seems to be learning a great deal from them!”
I would never have done that. 1- I very much like your review and even if it was not the case i think everyone is allowed his own opinions
2- I actully did not like LOST and I still have to start watching Games of thrones….
I really like this show and even though I don’t find the same reference as some of you clearly do, I find my own I am okay with that.
I think I will do all of my abs exercices for this weekend just by laughing so hard at your mutliple attempt to get Theolonious name’s right you have such a vivide imagination
LilPeregrine
Apr 24, 2014
The Chancellor’s name is Thelonious Jaha. Like Thelonious Monk, the famous jazz player.
MirelaPilipo
Apr 22, 2014
Oh man!
@Toni – never mind The 100, YOU are the one getting better and better every week! You truly have a knack for photo-recap reviewing. You make me LOL so much Gurrrl!
Seriously, you’re about to start giving Price & Lily a run for their money (figuratively speaking – but I won’t be surprised if TV.com start paying you to do this in the not too distant future!)
What I’m saying is, you are funny as h*ck and you also make very astute observations about this ridiculous but entertaining teen-fest.
Rock on!
P.S. “Earth Stinks and So Do You” is now stuck in my head. Awesome tune!
Blessyourheart
Apr 25, 2014
I was just about to say something very similar, but you completely summed it up MirelaPilipo and said it better than I could. Toni, you rock. Price and Lily are spectacular, and you, my friend, are totally in their class. I absolutely love the way you “don’t know” the Chancellor’s name. Hilarious. Keep it up girl!
MirelaPilipo Apr 25, 2014
Right? She’s awesome!
Toni_watches Apr 22, 2014
Thank you so much! What an amazing compliment to brighten my day.
mysticbeam
Apr 22, 2014
I think the biggest annoyance I have with this show is that we are 5 episodes in and the grounders have yet anything since the first episode. All they’ve done is watch these kids since
Toni_watches
Apr 20, 2014
Hey guys! Firstly, thanks for all the comments – I love hearing your theories and what you liked / didn’t like.
Secondly – I just went through this recap and noticed that half the pictures were missing! I’ve put them back in, but I apologize if some of the jokes didn’t make sense. I’m not quite sure what happened because they were there when I posted it, but you can bet I’m on the case! I’ve already got my giant magnifying glass and funny hat!
ChanX95
Apr 20, 2014
Every time you give Chancellor Thessalonica a new name I laugh. Every goddamn time. Ah I love being easily amused.
bubujin_2
Apr 20, 2014
Thanks for the wicked hilarious photo recap!
My biggest gripe this episode was that in selecting the initial 320–then later brave volunteers–there didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason on who from the Ark was to die. Where was the HR culling board to review the roster and make some hard vetting choices based on age, capabilities, and infirmities? Sorry, blind girl but you gotta go while daddy with skills needs to stay behind. Well, Kane made an offhanded remark that this had sorta been done I suppose but it was all rather vague and superficial.
roswellian531
Apr 20, 2014
I’m really loving this show! None of the characters annoy me yet either, though I wish they’d stop making Octavia a damsel in distress. I was crying so hard when the 320 died. 😦
I hope Finn and Raven stay together. Most of the fandom prefers shipping Bellamy/Clare over Finn/Clarke anyway.
MontseBagaria
Apr 20, 2014
Please Olivia seems to work in other show (100 ways to die…)
I also prefer the shipping Clarke/Belle. Finn is… is… is… a teen with long hair!
I’m waiting for the “adults” to arrive to heart and see how they’re going to handle the new situation… don’t forget that those teens are convicts!!
MontseBagaria
Apr 20, 2014
sorry I meant Octavia (Olivia?? Whom was I thinking??!! ;p)
MichelleHood24
Apr 19, 2014
I’m likeing how great this show is at giving us some amazingly ridiculous moments, I’m still getting over the culling of 340 people I was expecting a last minute save but nope they died which is good but bad. This show has the potential to go in a very dark path which would be amazing but I don’t know if they can get there with a young cast, don’t get me wrong I’m loving the cast except that stupid dick head that got exiled last episode, but with a older cast all around and some young cast as well on the ground they could have taken this show down a different path.
Devon39219
Apr 19, 2014
I kinda miss Wells tho, he was kinda cool! weird way to go tho, did he get a contract at another show or something?
nicholaskmoose
Apr 19, 2014
I think your reviews are officially even funnier than the reviews of the funny gay who reviews Vampire Diaries. Why? Because, lots of people talk about the comedy rule of threes, but no one ever talks about that other very important principle of comedy logic: If you say a name a different way every time you mention someone, simply because you either can’t remember said name, or you refuse to get it right, it NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY! I call this the “Endora Principle”, as it dates back to at least to the 1960’s, when Endora, Samantha’s mother, could never get Darrin’s name right on Bewitched. And you’ve nailed it! Now just don’t ever, ever stop running out of names for Felonious.
I also have the peeing problem at Marvel Movies, but this is because my friend’s and I see them at this theater in Akron Ohio that has a bar in the back of it. So I take drinking/peeing breaks roughly every fifteen minutes. (Hey, Tony Stark would be doing the same thing! Well, I think he would just pee in his suit, but he would still be constantly getting up to get drinks!)
Now, regarding the actual show the 100, I really didn’t see Clark being chill at all, i mean, when she saw the kiss, it was like she stood there like a wide mouthed bass for ten minutes. I personally, am different from you, in that I like to see characters wallowing and regretting not having another character much more than I like seeing two characters actually be happy together. On TVD Damon is much more enjoyable when Stefan is with Elena, because he gets to be drunk and snarky . On the Originals they have nicely skirted the problem of characters being together and in love and happy by making Klaus and Elijah so fucked up and damaged that they could never possibly sustain a relationship with anyone of actual value to them. All they do is drink and pine! It’s great! Now those are characters I can relate to! Also, as much as you dislike the pacing of the Vampire Diaries, I do think the Originals does a good job of killing actual characters and following the old Joe Bob Briggs rule of “anyone can die at any moment.”
And yes, I shed a tear at the Beardo dad and the other hundreds of people dying. My only gripe? That was the single most unbelievable thing that has happened on the show so far. Killer fog? I’ll buy that. Spear chucking mutants? Hell, why not! That kid with goggles getting kissed by Octavia? It may be absurd beyond belief, but this is, after all, supposed to be “science fiction”, so I will accept it. All of those concepts, however, seem grounded in unflinching realism compared to the possibility that that many human beings would make that noble of a sacrifice. But, I guess that’s why we go to the movies..er, I guess in this case, turn on our TV sets.
katerinananai
Apr 19, 2014
i was w8ing 4 a good ep cause i was about 2 quit that show…i was w8ing 4 this ep to be exact!!!i wanted to see what was going to happen with raven back to earth!!!!and that episode was really good,so i’m gonna keep watching…loved the fact that i thought those 300 ppl were going to be saved the last minute,but they didn;t and i was like…whoa! really?kane isn’t a total d*!k,belle did something nice for once…yeah i enjoyed this episode!
LegendKiller87
Apr 19, 2014
Hated there were no Jactavia moments in this episodes
scottd2242
Apr 18, 2014
“shit girl. you are all kinds of foxy”. made my day with that one. well done
_Fire_Ice
Apr 18, 2014
Ok after one minute I have just changed my mind. Kane might still be a dick but he may be trying to be less obvious about it. He might want to take over, but he still wants a smooth transition where in people will like him. Allowing the previous Chancellor to off himself along side 320 others would not be a smooth transition. Also one thing Bellamy said has me curious, he said someone came to him and asked him to assassinate the Chancellor, that is a conspiracy involving other powerful figures if they were able to sneak him on the ship. If it isn’t Kane, which who knows, they may be setting him up to not actually be as bad as we think, than there is a bigger bad government dick in the background somewhere that will undoubtedly spring up in the final episode of the season when everyone finally lands on earth.
_Fire_Ice
Apr 18, 2014
Ok so many things came to my mind as I watched this episode and read this recap. First off thank you for reminding me that guys name is Kane, I kept calling him Isaac (the guy from lost) because I couldn’t remember and homicidal councillor guy is too long to type. But yah, what is up with him? Does he want power or not, is he an evil dick or not? And on the topic of what is going on in space. Why the hell are you killing 320 people? Personally I would risk it and send them to Earth, if Earth isn’t safe they die that sucks, but that is a might, floating them is 100% gonna result in death.
Now on EARTH… I love that Bellamy won’t let Octavia have a fling, but he can have threesome in the same room she too is sleeping in. Also as was pointed out he has been super obsessive about having his sister guarded, and now she has been missing an entire day and he hasn’t noticed, really? I did think they would cop out and have the 320 saved by the fireworks at the last second. Too bad we didn’t have a bowl of rice for the water damage in the radio, than maybe lives could have been saved. BUT speaking of the fireworks. I love Bellamy’s face when Clarke asked about wishing on a star, greatest reaction ever.
Oh and final random thing. I personally loved how Finn tried to hide behind the logical, oh “we can’t tell anyone about the secret bunker or we will have no where to hide when someone goes crazy and tries to kill us”, rather than just admitting he wanted a secret love shack. Though now I suppose he will have to find another one anyways, it would be classless for him to share the love shack with Raven after Clarke lit all those pretty candles.
ash7
Apr 18, 2014
Couldn’t wait for your latest recap and it did not disappoint 🙂 I also got teary-eyed (and I was on the train so it was kinda awkward.) I agree that that man should win awards.
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