Let’s be honest, out of all the problems our beloved Adventure Squad is currently facing, I would have ranked ALIE and her City of Bullpucky about 5th, after Clarke’s weird half-dreadlocks. So when ALIE and her band of brain-hijacked-pod-yes-men stepped into first place this episode, I was as shocked as a person who gets shocked by things. They’d been a background plot, a D-story at best, and now all of a sudden Raven is cutting her beautiful, flawless skin, Arkadia is overrun by Stepford-Hippies (Abby among them), and Jasper, I repeat JASPER, is the sole voice of reason.
WHAT THE HECK IS EVEN HAPPENING.
Even Pike, arguably Arkadia’s biggest threat, was taken down this episode and can I get an AMEN! Although let’s not get ahead of ourselves, he’s not dead yet. At least, he BETTER not be, because after all that ignorant crap-ola he was spouting this season, we the audience deserve to see every slice the Grounders take as they string him up like a shawarma. And Octavia better get the biggest piece. And there better be pita bread with it, because this simile has made me hungry.
Now come the nitpicks, and I AM SORRY BUT I HAVE NITS THAT NEED TO BE PICKED, OKAY? You all know how much I love the Beautiful Creepster, and I adore any screen-time he has. I truly wish the writers and producers found a way to insert him into every scene ever made, including shows that he is not on. So it comes as a shock even to myself when his story this week was my least favourite. Not because of him, of course, never because of him. Buuuuut, did we need half an episode with Ontari? Did we need to be shown how much of a dickbag she is, because I feel like we already knew that. If the point was to endear her to us through her hardships, that could have been done in a single line in the next episode. What I’m saying is, we didn’t learn anything we didn’t already know about this girl, other than the fact that she’s a rapist. Sorry Beautiful Creepster. Seriously. That’s a rough situation.
Alright, let’s pour ourselves a bowl of matrix chips and photo recap this beast.
The episode began hot off the slow motion heals of Lincoln’s death.
Watching Octavia treat Bellamy like a piñata with sweet, delicious candy inside was actually a bit satisfying, but hearing her say he was “dead to her” was hard. We all knew it was coming because of the season 3 promo, but it still hurt, ammiright?
Ontari did NOT play it cool in this situation! She straight-up reached for her favourite implement of murder all slack-jawed until the Beautiful Creepster jumped in with some capital BS about Titus taking a day-trip to the spa or something.
Meanwhile, our precious goddess Raven had had it up to here with ALIE’s bullcorn and tried to block her out.
In a fit of awesome, Abby barged past Jaha to get to Raven and a plan was hatched.
Yay! I love these two together. Remember in season one when it was Raven and Abby against the world? Well… Kane. Against Kane. Oh, how things have changed!
Monty’s Mom tattled on him like a snotty little tattletale! Ugh, doesn’t she know that snitches get caught by keepers and are worth a lot of points? No wait, that’s not it. Whatever. She sucks. So Monty skedaddled. Honestly, he needs to be reunited with the Adventure Squad anyway. So THANKS A LOT, Monty’s Terrible Mom!
The Adventure Squad was having their very own Murder Club, brainstorming how best to murder Pike, when they got a call from their favourite adorable nerd.
Aw, it’s nice to see our heroes on the same side again, even if some of them are all bloody faced, tied up and gagged.
I hate to sound repetitive here guys, but RAVEN IS THE BEST. She scienced her way into a solution, and had ALIE scared, in a creepy robot-doll kind of way.
Then, in a horrible, agonizing twist, ALIE gave Raven her physical and mental pain back, and everything she’s experienced in the past three seasons came at her all at once. And you guys, Raven has been through some SHIT. Writers – you know I love you – but maybe you should all see somebody, you know? Get help (but never change).
And then we all got wildly jealous because ALIE fulfilled all of our secret fantasies and BECAME Raven (or… I guess Raven became ALIE, but you know what I mean).
Abby is not having a great day.
Welp, there goes Raven’s science magic. Jaha, along with ALIE’s minions, stole the science-magic and broke it. At least Jasper tried. Let’s take a quick sec to appreciate the return of a coherent, snarky Jasper. Welcome back, buddy!
Pike’s Stupid Face followed Monty to the dropship. Oh Monty, always getting into scrapes!
This is where Bellamy turned on his pals AGAIN, but then pretty much mugged to the camera and gave us all a wink, because suuuuuure, Bellamy is a total bad guy, okayyyyyyy.
Like, WHAT is going on inside these people’s heads?
Anyway, then ALIE made our precious Raven CUT HER ARMS OPEN in an attempt to make Abby take the Matrix Pill.
It worked, of course, because Abby knows damn well who the real star of this show is.
…. nothing good can come of this.
Okay. That part was cool.
Then, in a show of some pretty quick thinking, Bellamy lead Pike’s Stupid Face to the Grounder blockade.
The Grounders came strutting in, and luckily someone gave them a handy who’s-who chart so they knew exactly who to kill, and who to leave alive.
I hope we get to see his cuts of a thousand deaths, or slices of a thousand dices, or whatever the Grounders call it. Please please please!!
Anyway, Kane went with the Pike’s Stupid Face and the Grounders to attempt at diplomacy again. Good luck, buddy! Don’t look her directly in the eyes!
Let’s recap. She chained him up, undressed in front of him, then when he said no, she threatened to kill him unless he slept with her. This is what rape looks like, kids.
Jasper, in a feat of heroic kickassery, knocked zombie-Raven out and carried her princess-style to a car. But a certain poor-man’s-Ultron was eavesdropping.
The Stepford Minions are my new favourite. They’re so creepy, and yet childlike, and it is tickling me. They’re so happy! And so violent! The dichotomy is simply delightful. Anyway, they started causing Jasper some real probs, but he made it out of the camp, only to find…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA times infinity at Jasper’s reaction to seeing Clarke. Oh my word, I wanted to high five him when he told her to shut up. You know Clarke lives in my heart, and I love her from now until the end of eternity, but girl really knows how to make everything all about herself, ammiright?
And that’s that! Clarke hopped in the ol’ jalopy and tagged along for Jasper and Raven’s road trip. Huzzah!! OG Adventure Squad comin’ atcha! This makes me very pumped for next week, you guys. Very. Pumped.
What did you guys think? Even though one plotline was pretty stagnant, a lot happened this episode! Abby is a Stepford Wife! Raven can be POSSESSED by ALIE, Pike’s Stupid Face has been given over to the Grounders, Clarke is back in the fold of the action, and Bellamy is now officially an anti-hero again. That is a tall order for a single episode, and yet Fallen pulled it off.
- Let’s examine the phrase “you’re dead to me”, for a quick sec. Can you imagine the first person to come up with it? I mean, that is HARSH. You are DEAD to me? Yikes.
- If spouting bullshit was a superpower, then the Beautiful Creepster would rule the universe. The boy has a way with words!
- “She’s so much stronger than the rest of you.” PREACH, ALIE.
- Where are people getting all these gags? Are they ripping up clothes? Does everyone carry around long pieces of fabric in case they need to shut someone up? Very confusing.
- All the props to Lindsay Morgan this episode, who went crazy, then went manic, then had a physical and mental breakdown, then imitated ALIE like a freakin’ boss. I mean, that was spot on, right?
- ‘Member in the first episode of this season when Clarke’s side-piece had on an Ark souvenir bracelet? Hmmmmm…. Yes, thaaaaat…..
- A lot people commented on my last recap about Ricky Whittle’s departure, and how there may have been more to the story than him simply getting another part. I’ll admit I didn’t know any of this when I wrote my review last week.
I will say this: Ricky Whittle is very talented, and I’m glad he has a new project. I look forward to seeing him on my television screen in one way or another.
I will also say this: I’m not going to let behind-the-scenes drama influence the way I enjoy this show. We don’t know the full story. These days it’s easy to take to the internet and let your opinion be known, and I think that’s AWESOME. I am currently doing it! I do encourage everyone who feels the need to do so, to remember that there are living, breathing, feeling people at the other end of those tweets. A lot of people work very hard to bring this show to us.
Again, we don’t know what happened. Whatever it was, it’s sad that it cost the show a great actor. Beyond that, I don’t think we should be throwing blame, especially without being privy to all the facts.
*steps off soapbox* *eats a sandwich*
[Originally Posted April 2016 on tv.com]