Ugh, don’t you guys just hate it when you magic a fire green, get so drunk you pass out, then travel across an ocean, all to give a present to someone, and they’re like, “thanks but no thanks.”
That’s what happened to our Adventure Squad, and I was so miffed for them! Of course, it had to go down that way, no? If it was easy, this show would be called, The 100 Bags Of Chips Just Delivered to Your Doorstep That You Didn’t Have To Go Out In The Cold To Buy. It would be a delicious show, but not a very exciting one.
Our Adventure Squad has faced bigger adversity than convincing someone to become one with a Matrix Bug. I’m sure next episode we’ll see them all having a big ol’ laugh about the whole mix-up, then someone will mention being able to play the guitar, and they’ll be singing Oasis around that green campfire in no time.
But the Adventure Squad’s party cruise wasn’t the only thing that went down this episode. In fact, a lot of stuff was sneakily very awesome. Indra cut up Pike! Kane was Jesus-ed and made to take the chip! Everyone got to take showers to film some flashbacks!
Seeing all those now-totally-so-very-dead faces was pretty cool. This would have been a great opportunity to bring back Thomas McDonell as Finn, but NEVER MIND, what’s done is done. Hey Monroe.
The episode began with a delightful walk down Polis Main Drive.
Just like a mischievous dog under the table at Thanksgiving dinner, The ALIE story line has snuck up on us and eaten all the other story lines. Ontari, who was a scary, violence-hungry tyrant hell bent on the destruction of Skikru, is now a puppet of ALIE. Pike, who was the stupidest of all the faces, now seems the lesser evil to everything going on in Polis. Even The Adventure Squad, off on their own, is connected because their mission contains the one thing that could stop her. Somehow all roads lead to ALIE. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN, you guys? Obviously the fall of Arkadia was a huge leap towards this, but it has been brewing all season and we were too distracted by blockades, child massacres, and Kane and Abby’s sexual tension to notice.
You got me, show. You got me.
Both Kane and Pike refused the Matrix Cracker, and gave each other that ol’ telltale look of, “oh boy”, which maybe means they’re best friends now.
The flashbacks this episode were essentially the plot to the 1995 classic Dangerous Minds, and I loved it. I loved seeing all their fresh little faces, not yet marred by horrific teen adventure. Fox! Monroe! The guy who tried to kill Bellamy when they were all high on nuts! That chick who was pinned to a tree with a spear! Good to see you all.
Back in the present, the Adventure Squad made it to the water, where Luna’s village was supposed to be.
Okay guys, I get that it was disappointing to not immediately find Luna’s party-town, but Octavia’s reaction made me laugh (as the kids say) out loud. That was a very melodramatic scream at the ocean, girl! Why? What’s Octavia’s big emotional investment in this? Finding “her people” whom she’s never met and has no relation to? Or finding someone who knew Lincoln to feel close to him? Or is she just super jazzed about the Adventure Squad mission? These are all good reasons to be bummed. I get it. But a howl into the wilderness? HAHAHAHAHHA… honestly.
Pike tried to rap with the kids about not doing drugs, and staying in school, and killing anything and anyone who may be different from you, and it was Michelle Pfeiffer at her finest.
In real time, Pike was dragged into a cell with our favourite Beautiful Creepster.
INDRA!! I’d been wondering where she scampered off to once she got the memo about a change in leadership. Turns out she was still ticked about Pike murdering her comrades in arms, so she pulled a spike out of the wall and started cutting him up. Man, the foreplay between these two is magic. #PindraForever
Meanwhile, at the Adventure Squad Beach Party…
Octavia was still mad at Bellamy for inadvertently getting her beefcake boyfriend killed, so he sulked off down the beach like a sad Charlie Brown. Then Jasper revealed he’s a wizard (I knew it), and turned the fire green. Game on, Adventure Squad!
Since ALIE doesn’t understand human emotions or anatomy, she believed Abby could suck words from Kane’s mouth.
He knew! Of course he knew. He had spent three seasons building a meticulously cultivated sexual tension with this woman. So, they nailed him to a cross (!) until he decided to behave.
That looked very uncomfortable.
Back at the beach party, Clarke was getting a heavy dose of Good Will Hunting from Bellamy.
It is a proven fact that no human being can resist the allure of a tough-guy crying. It is simply impossible. All of our ovaries exploded, and that is fact. Then Luna’s peeps Mission Impossibled up from the ocean and gave them some recreational drugs.
This scene was very important in that it saw the return of Jokey Jasper. His delivery of “what does it do?” and “oh crap”, were spot-on. Welcome back, Jokey Jasper! We missed you! Throw out that Adele CD pronto! Anyway, they all passed out in solidarity. Yay!
Back in Flashback Station, Pike was upset that the kids weren’t listening to his slam poetry.
I’m not sure if these flashbacks were supposed to endear us to Pike, but I sure hope not. Let’s be clear: Pike’s Stupid Face is the worst, and forever shall be. There is no redeeming this guy. He killed 300 people out of bigotry. He manipulated people’s hurt and fear. He murdered Lincoln for no other reason than to show his power. He deserves the slices of a thousand dices that Indra wants to give him.
Anyway, he beat up Murphy to prove that everyone has to help each other to survive… or something. Maybe he just wanted to beat up our Beautiful Creepster. You never know with this guy.
The Beautiful Creepster then put this lesson to use when he stopped Indra from Killing Pike.
Always the pragmatist, that Murphy!
In the final flashback, we saw all our fresh-faced delinquents being herded into the shuttle, a slicked-back Bellamy, and even an unconscious Clarke!
It was also fun to have an exchange between Abby and Kane to remind us that they started out as antagonists. The fade from that sexual-tension fraught scene into Kane’s torture was very well done, so high fives on that, show.
Because Jaha (as well as everyone who has eyes and a beating heart) knows that Kane and Abby share an epic love that spans ages, he threatened her life to get him to take the Matrix Cracker. He did, of course.
Not sure what this means for the Adventure Squad. Sure, Kane knows the location of their rad hero-lair, but no one hangs there anymore. The nerd geniuses are working away in Arkadia, and the Adventure Squad is in the middle of the ocean.
She straight-up turned them down! Haha, of course she did. Then the Squad chased her outside to find that they are on some sort of abandoned rig in the middle of the ocean. Now THAT is a pickle!
Well you guys, here we are. Only 3 more episodes left in season 3, and we’re hurtling towards our exciting conclusion. Do you think ALIE will still be a problem in season 4, or will our Adventure Squad shut her down like a melted Terminator giving the thumbs-up? Will they be able to get back all the people they’ve “lost” to the city of light? Do you think maybe ALIE’s chipped army will be so distracted by Kane and Abby’s sexual tension being constantly in their heads, that the whole army will implode?
I am, as always, very pumped for next week. It’s always fun when we get to see another aspect of this crazy-ass world, and now we get to see an abandoned oil rig! Huzzah! (Or do we? I don’t watch promos).
- the references during the flashbacks to Monty and Jasper’s friendship is yet another sign that we are headed towards one of their adorable high-fives.
- MORE MOUTH GAGS! This time Luna’s possy had them. How do they all look the same?? Do they wash them in between uses? How doesn’t everyone have mono???
- This show consistently chooses the perfect song to set a sad / creepy / anxiety-filled mood. The version of Radioactive used was haunting!
- Luna had some sort of drama with Lexa, right? That’s why she didn’t want her ‘spirit’ inside her?
- There were a lot of “Bellarke” moments this episode. I hope they’re not rushing into any sort of romance with these two. It would feel unearned this soon after their reunion, and it would cheapen what Clarke shared with Lexa. I’M SORRY SHIPPERS! Please don’t start researching where I live… in fact, I don’t live anywhere, okay? I exist inside your computer like Ghostwriter.
- On a scale of 1 to It’s Impossible To Quantify, how awesome do you think Monty and Raven are being right now? Did they solve all the world’s problems, and are just waiting for someone to check in with them? Is Harper watching Bryan and Miller make out? That’s not weird, YOU’RE WEIRD, SHUT UP.
[Originally Posted April 2016 on tv.com]