The 100 “Perverse Instantiation: Part One” Photo Recap – Thank You, But the Princess Is In Another Castle (3.15)

GGGGHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH someone get me a damn chamomile tea, because my heart is RACING. Shit went down. And up. And then down again. You guys, I thought Abby was going to die, I thought Indra was going to die, and Kane, and Monty, Bryan and Miller, Murphy and Bellamy, and everyone. I thought everyone was going to die this episode. AND I LOVED IT. That’s the thing about stakes, ammiright? This show has ALL OF THE STAKES, because it consistently follows through on its threats. There are no more stakes left over for any other show. The 100 took them all.

IS Indra dead? Maybe. Is Kane? ALSO MAYBE. Is Roan? It sure seems like it, but unless he dies on screen, it didn’t happen. Just in case, though… *long moment of silence for his abs…*

This was the part 1 of the season finale, so obviously everything had to go wrong. Oh Adventure Squad, you’re so cute, thinking your adorable plan was going to work and everything would be totally fine in the PART 1 of a finale. Hahahahahaha… it’s like they don’t know they’re characters in a show that still has an episode left. Idiots.

What a fun disaster of a ride! You guys know how much I love it when all hope seems lost. And I mean… hahaha, MAN, all is hope is so lost. It’s like, Room of Requirement lost. It’s like the nightly deposit money at the beginning of Empire Records, where he goes to Vegas and bets it all. It’s more lost than Oceanic Flight 815. What’s going to happen????? I think it’s finally time to take advantage of that Time Lord I befriended at a Tim Horton’s one time, and have him jump me one exact week into the future so I can watch the exciting conclusion to this horrifically violent romp.

But before I do that, let’s photo recap!

The episode picked up from the total despair left over from Red Sky at Morning, when they were kicked out of Luna’s groovy commune.

No one wanted to go into random villages trying to I-spy nightbloods, so Clarke tantrumed into the woods, where a certain red-dressed Age of Ultron was waiting. Luckily, the coolest Ice King since the Kool-Aid man was there!

Roan tried to take the flame and peace out, but Bellamy showed up.

You guys know that all I have ever wanted for Bellamy is a bromance where his buddy doesn’t try to murder a little girl, or go bonkers, or get shot in the head. Let’s for a second imagine a world where Bellamy and Roan are best friends, living together in a cabin, talking about girl troubles while chopping wood….. hmmmm…. what? Oh, right. Then Bellamy shot him in the arm because that’s how boys bond, and they brought him along on their road trip. Yay!

Seriously, you guys, the friendship sparks were flying in this scene. They convinced Roan to help them get the goop out of Ontari before putting the flame in. Roan was SO down for that. I think this dude is bored of being king of the Ice Cube, and just wants an old fashioned adventure. He came to the right place!

It was time to move out, and the Adventure Squad was giving me exactly what I love, which is HUGS. So many hugs, you guys. I think the one that made my heart explode the most was…

Remember in season 2 when Raven was basically the Daryl Dixon to Clarke’s Rick Grimes? I miss that. These two ladies kick so much ass. I didn’t realize until this moment how much I miss them together.

Anyway, then our seeing-balls were filled with the image of a total creeper.

ALIE is in one of our Adventure B-Squad!! BUT WHO??

A-Squad reached Polis and came up with the plan that Clarke will pose as Roan’s prisoner, and Bellamy was NOT happy about it.

Back at Arkadia, Jasper and Monty were having their own bromance bonding sesh.

Jasper stabbed Monty because he took the Matrix Cracker! I truly, truly want to know what it tastes like. Anyway, Monty ran back to Raven (as any sane human would do in a scary situation), and they tried to contact the Squad.

Alas, all of the wires that ever existed had been cut by Jasper, the wily little scamp! So our beloved Adventure Squad was walking into a trap. WHAT FUN!!

The INSTANT Miller and Bryan started being sappy I assumed one of them was going to break our hearts and die. DON’T YOU DARE, SHOW! *sniff* Don’t you dare.

Anyway, then a half-goateed butt-face slithered out of the shadows and tried to get the flame.

Roan tried to get Clarke out of there, so Kane shot him.

Like I said, he was carried away still breathing, so he may still make it to the game for beers with Bellamy.

So Jasper took the chip because there’s no hope for humanity. Ugh, YEAH KID, that’s the point of a Part 1. Duh! Once again, it’s like he doesn’t know there’s another episode coming! They better get the Matrix Goop out of him, because I want Jokey Jasper returned to us pronto.

Meanwhile, Clarke was strapped to a pole while Abby tried to extract all the world-ending secrets.

She stabbed Clarke in the chest a few times with a scalpel. Just your typical mother-daughter stuff.

ALIE’s minions were dragging Bellamy away to join the fun upstairs when a beautiful, creepy angel appeared.

It’s like the writers of this episode saw my vision board!! You guys know I live for character reunions. It’s been months since these people have seen our beloved Beautiful Creepster. Remember back in season 1 when all Murphy yearned for was a big-brother-type relationship with Bellamy? Perhaps THIS bromance shall be rekindled? They can get past that time Murphy tried to hang him, right? I just love every dynamic on this show. All of them. Every character combination is a dream. *happy sigh*

The reunion with Pike’s Stupid Face was tense and delicious and every time Octavia even glanced his way this episode, my heart fluttered. Pike is a bad dude, you guys. He’s a gross, awful, stupid-faced bad dude who they have to work with, and I am LOVING it! The tension is marvelous. I simply can’t wait for his inevitable comeuppance.

Delightful! AAAANNNNNYYYWWWAAAAYYYYYY… they decided to go up the tower because they are all magnificent heroes.

Indra and Octavia had a touching moment where they decided that home was within Octavia all along, and all she had to do was click her heals together three times. It was, however, interrupted by a dreamy minion with soulful eyes who started shooting up the place, which resulted in a very thrilling elevator fight!

Back at Arkadia, Jasper was rattling off all the awesome deaths from season 1. “Drew, ninja star to the face. That was a good one.” That WAS a good one! Raven naturally got all the whatsits to work, but then Jasper knocked out Harper.

Monty’s romance with Harper is cute, but also verrrrrry convenient for this story!

Back at Polis, Abby was taking a different approach to try and crack Clarke.

This was very upsetting to watch. Very. Upsetting. How is Clarke not an insane person after the hell-ride that was these past three seasons?

The Squad set the bomb and were happily climbing, when a certain dream-boat woke up and wandered into the literal line of fire like a toddler. Indra, the glorious, brave hero, jumped down and saved him… ?? Maybe? UGH THIS SHOW!

Then Jaha used Ontari’s head for batting practice, and it was CRAZY. *shivers* Clarke kneeled down into her splattered brains and figured out she was brain damaged. No Matrix Bug for her!

What a pickle!! Adventure A-Squad is trapped in Polis with no way out, surrounded by mindless minions, and with no plan for victory. Adventure B-Squad is being terrorized by a NON jokey Jasper who has Monty’s true love Harper at gunpoint. Octavia is in the same room as Pike’s Stupid Face, all the grown-up heroes are in the matrix, and a bunch of our heroes are nursing gunshot wounds.

Don’t you just love it!!! I truly don’t know of any other show that sets up the hopeless, violent, possible-world-ending, soul-crushing dominos like this. Of course there are other shows with high stakes, but The 100 does it with such STYLE! It dangles our hearts over a cliff, and we truly do not know if it will drop them or not.

So delicious. Very, very, super pumped for next week, you guys!

SOME STUFF

• High-five to H2gold for calling it on Jasper’s chiped-ness.

 

• SO MANY MOUTH GAGS!

 

• “You got a real gratitude problem, you know that?” – Oh Roan, I hope you’re not dead. We’ll miss you and your banter. And by banter, I of course mean your abs, and the very real potential of being Bellamy’s best friend.

 

• Ohhhhhhhh, I get it now! Thaaaaaat’s why Monty and Harper randomly had sex out of nowhere last episode. It’s so that Monty would believably struggle with himself about opening the door, because he caaaaaaaaares about her. I’m pumped it happened, for sure. I would be remiss, however, if I didn’t point out that we still would have cared about Harper even without a romantic entanglement. She’s proven herself a valuable member of the Adventure Squad, and has spent a lot of time with these kids. I would believe that he wouldn’t want her to die, even if they didn’t sex each other up. But, like I said, NOT COMPLAINING.

 

• Let’s acknowledge that it was the Beautiful Creepster who saved Abby. What a little hero he’s turning out to be!

 

• If you could magically gift Bellamy with an epic bromance, who would it be with?

 

• Speaking of glorious friendships, Indra and Kane light up my life. Who do I have to pray to / bring ice cream to / kill to make sure they’re still alive for season 4? I know the episode has already been made, but I do have access to a Time Lord, so…

 

• So, if you’re a mind-controlled minion, and someone comes into a room and says, “If I were you I’d hit the deck”, and then one of the good guys yells, “everyone hit the ground!”… your first thought is to… stay standing? Is that in the mind-controlled minion handbook? Seems counterproductive, to be honest.

 

• Bellamy shot Jaha (again)!!! I don’t like how much Bellamy loves shooting people, but when his bullets land in Jaha, well, that’s something I can get behind. This show has made me so blood thirsty! Maybe I should watch videos of puppies to calm down. Hahaha… they think they’re people…

 

[Originally Posted May 2016 on tv.com]