Well you guys, here we are. It’s the second episode of season 4, and already the people of the Ark know that they’re living in a giant microwave. How are you guys feeling? Still buzzing in the afterglow of having our beloved Squad return to our screens last week? Were you so happy to see everyone again that you don’t give an eff about the plot, and would watch them play Jenga for a full hour?
This episode had a lot going on, but at the same time, not a lot going on. Ya know? It was very exciting and entertaining, with no major plot surprises. WHICH IS NOT A COMPLAINT. They have six months before they’re baked potatoes, it can’t be all major plot bombs all the time. Plus, this is episode 2, they have to build up to it, implement a…slow burn. Hahahaha *sigh*.
The dominoes are being set up nicely for this glorious shit-storm of a season. Lots of things happened that I’m guessing will come back to bite our Squad in the ass. *cough* Octavia *cough*.
In classic The 100 form, lots of people died, other people sexed, secrets were revealed, leaders lied and someone took a shower! OH, OH, and we were gifted with shiney new characters. I’m intrigued by this Ilian, and I hope he sticks around to either fall in love with or try to kill Octavia. But more importantly… Riley! Remember Riley?!? He was the one who did that thing, in the story about that other stuff?
Anyway, let’s all calm down about the return of Riley (OMG RILEY), and photo recap. This delightfully violent romp began with some characters altogether new to us! It was typical family drama, a teen acting out for attention, testing boundaries, that kind of thing.
Look who it is!! ALIE! It’s ALIE, you guys! I was NOT sad to see her go at the end of last season, so I was very shocked at how happy I was to see her in this episode. Was it nostalgia for a simpler, less radioactive time? Maybe. But it was also cool to see how the matrix chip affected those who aren’t top-billed. Also, this new kid is trouble and I’m pumped.
Then ALL OF OUR HEARTS AND LOINS EXPLODED because Abby and Kane were DOING IT. Sweet honey badger that was so satisfying. Three seasons of beautifully electric sexual tension was WORTH IT. Anyway, Abs got all weird about her wedding ring from when she was married to a melted version of a Greek God that she accidentally murdered, and Kane was so cool about it.
Love these two!
Then we were privy to a VERY private conversation that happened in the middle of some kind of public evening market.
Octavia, you little gremlin! Stop eavesdropping on people’s very private conversations that they have in public! Let’s be clear – Octavia totally decided to murder this guy there and then, right? #OctaviaLovesMurder
Anyway, because she loves murder so much, she went to Roan to let him know what’s up.
I am LOVING (and am a terrified of) new Octavia. Not that she wasn’t awesome before, but right now this girl is a loose cannon, and I am sensing a real Riggs & Murtaugh thing brewing with her and Kane. Anyway, they told Roan that someone wants to meet him outside in the parking lot, and he was all, “no big.”
Meanwhile, the Adventure Squad was back at Ark Camp, having a brainstorming sesh on how to stop the world from melting.
Monty stared at the water-collecting bucket for so long that I thought he was going to turn around and say they should live in buckets. Or build a giant bucket. Or wear buckets as hats, which we’ve ALL done, don’t pretend you haven’t. Turns out his real plan was go back to Season 1’s problems – not enough resources to keep people alive in the ark. That’s cool, it’s better than season 4’s current problems!
Bellamy scampered to recruit Brian and Miller (because he ain’t no fool, and also Brian is the only one who knows how to get there).
This was accidentally a very sexy scene. What happened? Don’t ask me! I was very distracted. I do know Brian was all, “you’re the light of my life, but maybe Pike was great?” And Miller responded, “YOU are the light of MY life, but for sure Pike was terrible.”
Then, for the first time in The 100 history, someone took a shower!!
Where ON EARTH did Jasper get an old lady shower cap??????
As it turns out, Jasper is back to being hilarious, but NOT in the adorable way he was in season 1, more in the ‘balls to the wall we’re all gonna die so eff it’ kind of way. Very dark stuff going on here guys, verrrry amusingly dark stuff. Either way, welcome back, Jokey Jasper! He wanted no part in the Adventure Squad this week, and I don’t really blame him. You do you, Kid!
Side note – he was all, “I’m not going to kill myself”, so does that mean he and Monty already had the talk? Did Monty get to read his obviously calligraphic suicide farewell? I super duper want to know what was in that note! I imagine it’s mostly crayon drawings of anthropomorphic fruit holding hands.
Then Raven warned Monty of the foreshadowing, *cough* I mean, explosive nature of the water cooler, and Bellamy tried to convince Clarke to come with them because he can’t bear to be away from her for more than a few minutes, or something.
Even though the trip was basically tailored to Clarke’s pastimes, she stayed behind to growl at lists, while the Squad ran into some new pals.
This lady was a total jokester. She made it seem like everything was peachy, when it was not, in fact, at all peachy. The Ice Cream Brigade tied up the Squad and brought them to their leader.
Well, that was easy!
Back at Ark Camp Raven and Clarke were exchanging girl-power-ups and I could not get enough.
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Love these two. But their empowering love-a-thon was interrupted by a guy with a new haircut, and apparently a new personality chip.
NOPE! No, sorry, but no, I don’t care how many haircuts this guy gets, or how full his stupid goatee is, I will never not roll my eyes when he enters the frame of my television screen. Remember when he THREW A TEEN INTO THE MOUTH OF A SEA MONSTER? Remember when he ran off on an insane quest for self-importance and brought about a global war resulting in countless deaths, and the ill-will of everyone on earth towards Skaikru? Remember when he was a total butt-face??
I’m sorry, guys, I will never not rant about the inevitable redemption arc the show is trying to force this horrible, selfish guy into. JUST NO. Anyway, he EVER SO SELFLESSLY offered his help in repairing the ship. *huge injury-inducing eye-roll* and Raven told him to sort screws or something. Love that girl.
Back in the Ice Cube, the Squad discovered that old Farmville players were being kept as slaves.
It’s RILEY, you guys!
Meanwhile Roan and Echo were training for the big fight, and Abby was just chilling out watching them like some lazy personal trainer who spends her session playing candy crush and yelling out monotone motivational slogans.
This basically came down to Abby being a downer, Echo being all, “put me in, Coach!” and Roan being all, “you guys are getting on my last nerve.” He’s going to fight to show his strength, even though it’ll likely kill him. Typical! Then he told Echo the truth about the terrifying pre-apocalypse they’re currently living in.
Echo did NOT buy it!! And now she’s gonna head to Ark Camp to try and prove it wrong. Who knows what kind of zany hijinx she’ll get up to while she’s there! Is it weird how badly I want her to encounter Jasper? I really feel like those two would be an explosive pair right now. Picture it – him, singing in the shower, her, lusting for blood… what a rom com!
Meanwhile, Kane being Kane, he took a stab (yes that’s a foreshadowy pun) at diplomacy.
This did not go well. Octavia was VERY intense, and I loved every second of it.
Also not going well? Clarke’s solo manic freak out about how to save everyone all the time in every dimension and every universe. She got distracted by the strange, unfamiliar sounds of joy, and went to investigate.
For real – and I am very serious about this – can a super fan please go through all the seasons and count how many times Clarke has smiled? Anyway, Jasper told her to tell everyone the truth and she was all, “mayyyyyyyybe.”
Meanwhile at the Ice Capades, the Adventure Squad was making a very tough decision; take the water cooler back to Ark Camp and ensure the survival of hundreds, or blow it up and save roughly a handful of people.
They simply CAN’T leave Riley! Not after everything he’s done for them. Not after the bond they’ve forged! The show cut away leaving us in suspense as if they WEREN’T going to save the star of this show, Riley. Sure, show. Suuuuuure. Anyway, the Squad killed everyone in there who wasn’t Skaikru and then (with a nod to Riley, of course) Monty freed the slaves to allow them to brutally murder someone.
Look, I get it, Iceland is scary, and some of the Ice Skaters are bad hombres (yeah, I went there), but does that mean our “heroes” can just go around killing them? The subject of negotiation came up, right? I realize they were being moved, but not killed. Roan, THE ICE KING probably could have gotten them out of there without blowing up a bunch of people and also the key to the human race’s survival, right? And I know Bellamy wants to make up for last season when he irrationally and impulsively got a bunch of people killed. So to do that he essentially orchestrated an act of war during a very precarious time of peace. Cool, cool, cool, good start, Bro.
I would like to clarify that this is once again NOT A COMPLAINT! The 100 has never sugar-coated the dark side of humanity, and constantly puts our precious Adventure Squad in impossible moral quandaries. I adore the fact that the people we love and root for make both good and bad decisions… just awful, terrible, life-threateningly stupid decisions. Huzzah for layers!
Nope. Sorry. This guy is the pits.
Kane and Abby parted ways after she tossed her stupid old wedding ring necklace of regret in the damn trash and he was like, “we’re totally going steady now.” Then we got a fun peek into Octavia’s night-life.
YUP! Octavia shoved a knife into his ear and then wiped away the blood so no one could tell he had been brutally and craftily murdered. When he didn’t show up at the staff meeting, Roan announced that “his heart stopped”. Hahaha, YES, WELL, hearts tend to stop when someone has been IMPALED THROUGH THEIR BRAIN. And now Ilian is 100% onto her.
Good Lord, Octavia. Talk to somebody.
Back at Ark Camp the Squad returned with Riley and a few other unimportant people. Miller and Brian had a relationship-shaking disagreement that I cannot bring myself to snark at because it was too damn sad.
Who the eff is this guy. Just… who the eff. Even Bellamy was all, “Get Riley and the others to med bay.” and “Go tell them. Go tell Riley I should have left him to die.”
WHO THE EFF?
Then Bellamy explained what happened, his reasons, and also all of his insecurities about his past behaviour.
Which prompted Clarke to give a rousing speech.
So many people this episode pretending everything is cool when everything is not cool!! Oh man, Raven is so pissed! And she has every right to be. But also Clarke was correct in assuming hope was the answer. And Bellamy was kinda right, but so was Monty and Miller and HOLY SHIT EVERYONE WAS WRONG BUT EVERYONE WAS ALSO RIGHT (except Jaha).
Man, this show. THIS SHOW. It’s so grey, pedestrians walk on it. No, I can do better. It lives in the grey so much it’s like a bird in England! (Cause it always rains there?) No. It’s so grey it should change it’s name to Earl, and then soak… in hot water? Okay fine, I’m done. What I’m saying is, I LOVE that there are no clear answers on this show. There is no right and wrong, good vs. evil, ice cream vs. candy. It has us constantly guessing, always thinking, always passionate.
Well done, show. I am very excited to see where this mayhem takes us.
- It’s Riley! (For real, you guys, they made such a big deal about this guy that I legit had to google him to see if he was already a character on this show and I just forgot – then I googled to see if he was a character in the books. FYI – he is not.)
- Glowing butterfly! We haven’t seen that beautiful harbinger of doom since season 1. Welcome back to the show!
- The adorable Jasper-Monty best-friendship high-five is back, and I could NOT be happier. Sure, it was brought on by Jasper going a little bananas, but I will TAKE IT.
- What do you guys think the Beautiful Creepster and Emori are doing? Robbing stagecoaches? Making out in inappropriate places? Tracking down her Ninja Turtle dad?
- I have had “I don’t like Mondays” in my head for hours and I’m ready to pull an Octavia on Jasper.
- The new kid’s mother said “avenge me” just before dying, and I am not kidding when I say that is my legitimate dream. Obviously VERY far in the future, but there is nothing I want more than for my last words to be a murmured “avenge me”, and my loving family and friends gathered at my bedside to be all, “wait, what?” THAT WILL BE MY LAST BIT, YOU GUYS.
[Originally Posted February 2017 on tv.com]