TWO MONTHS. Our wacky band of misfits had their death sentence shortened from six to TWO months. This means we are basically now watching our Adventure Squad try to get their shit together in real-time. What fun!
This episode was a crowd pleaser in general, with some pretty big revelations – the aforementioned two months, nightblood is magic, Ilian is still a character, the Beautiful Creepster is rejoining the warm bosom of his people, Indra HAS A DAUGHTER, and of course, the biggest one of all… our beloved Tim Bartlett is alive!
Who is Tim Bartlett, you ask?
Tim Bartlett, you guys! TIM BARTLETT! We’ve never actually seen him in person, but he lives in our hearts.
Of course, we have to take the bad with the good, re: Jaha taking Bellamy and Clarke on a pointless side-squad, which is basically a metaphor for Jaha’s existence. It was almost like pairing him with one of our show’s most dynamic duos was an attempt to make us care about him. I’m sorry, show, I really am, but no. This show has turned me as bloodthirsty as Octavia, you guys, because I want Jaha to die. I want him to die SO BAD. Dishonourable discharge from the existence of this otherwise flawless fictional world. You know what, maybe I’m being too subtle about my feelings towards Jaha, so I’ll stop.
Let’s talk instead about the power dynamics in this beautiful world. The teens run the show, you guys, ALL OF IT. Raven was put in charge of the grocery store, they’re following Monty’s plan to save their people, Bellamy made the decision to blow up their water cooler, and Clarke gets to make a list of potential END OF THE WORLD survivors. And the adults on the show basically just shrug and go with it. I love it. I just love it.
Speaking of things I love, let’s photo recap! The episode began with a charming chat about who will be chosen to live and who will die a blistery, throw-uppy horrible death. Haha, THIS SHOW!
Twist! In a shocking turn of the tables, RAVEN was the one enforcing the ever-present no-fun rule. Girl was GRUMPY this week. I get it, the fate of the human race depends on her mechanic skillz, but still girl, relax. Eat a snickers or something.
Anyway, then they got some visitors.
Real talk – I dig Luna. I think she’s captivating and mysterious, and I like her worldview and her compassion, and she’s hella foxy. So, yeah, very happy about this whole business. I adored that these two groups of people had beef in the past, and Luna was all, “sorry about that, guys,” and they were like, “no, no, we’re sorry,” and then they hugged and played checkers.
In Polis, Roan needed a small favour.
They call Octavia “death from the sky”! OF COURSE THEY DO. Never change, Octavia. Roan asked her to kill some chick who stole Lexa’s soul-container, and Indra acted very shifty about it. WONDER WHY????
Then we checked in on our Beautiful Creepster and his Ninja Turtle love.
Oh yeah! Remember that time Murphy was literally forced into sex with a murderous dictator? What a fun memory. That boy should be way more messed up than he is. Anyway, he decided to grace the Adventure Squad with his beautifully creepy presence. Huzzah!
Back at Ark Camp, Luna and her pals were being very gross.
Oh Luna. I missed you. Then Raven summoned Bellarke to let them know they’ve entered the lightening round.
Is it just me, or does Clarke always look on the brink of curling up on the floor to take a 50-year nap? Girl is so over all of this. Especially when getting sucked into a Jaha-based storyline.
Jaha had some cockamamie plan to hide everyone in a doomsday bunker and he- whoops, sorry, my eyes just spasmed from rolling too hard, I have to take a minute.
Of course, this was the scene where we were introduced to a new character.
A LOT of attention was given to this iPad, you guys. It is obviously now a valued member of the Adventure Squad. I guess my question is… HOW?? How in the sweet heck is this iPad spouting information? Was all this SAVED on that specific iPad, or is Jaha tapping into the 100 year-old long-dead internet? The mind boggles.
Anyway, iPadicus and Raven are in a fight right now, because she was pissed it was backing up Jaha. Fair enough, girl!
iPadicus told us that some guy lead some cult that had a bunker. Cool, thanks iPadicus!
Back at Ark Camp Murphy snuck into the supply room and started sneakily stealing things like the Beautiful Creepster he is.
Welp, now Murphy knows that they’re living in a giant, broken-down microwave! Oh, and Abby and Raven sassed at each other about the dying Grounders (Water-ers?) and if they should be given medicine or not. Once again the situation is SO GREY! Both those foxy, brave ladies were 100% correct! They shouldn’t waste their supply of meds, but also, what if they can save lives?? Love this show.
What a strange and captivating dynamic these two have! Murphy stole the drugs like the creepy little Robin Hood he is, and they gave the pill to the whale-rider kid.
Back in Polis a mysterious vixen was traipsing around with the flame, opening it up, making sure it’s still there, showing everyone she has it. Octavia was following like a little murder-ninja, until a handsome technophobe held her up.
The sparks that fly between these two is more than I can handle. Speaking of things too amazing for my heart to fully process:
This was everything I never knew I always wanted. You guys know my love for Indra, and my even greater love for the relationship she has with Octavia, and now we meet Indra’s actual daughter and OH MY SWEET PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE THIS IS GOOD.
Everything about this was balls-to-the-wall-awesome! Indra’s daughter is a flame keeper, and is VERY about it, and wants the flame to be safe for religious reasons. And Indra wanted her to be a warrior, so she basically replaced her with Octavia. And Octavia was like, “whatever, I’m in it to win it.” I LOVE THIS.
Then Ilian broke in all brooding and handsome (you guys, do I have a crush on Ilian???), took the flame and smashed it.
The ONLY reason I wasn’t screaming at my television at this point was because I knew our girl had a trick up her sleeve. And she did! They swapped the necklace-matrix-mint for the real thing.
Then, of course, the sisterhood of the sword made up and came up with a plan.
More of these two ladies, please and thank you very much!
Meanwhile back at Ark Camp, some very sad shit was going down.
Okay, here’s the thing – this seemed like a ‘sock it to Raven’ moment because she was all remorseful about the girl’s death, but… Raven was correct. This proved that the meds SHOULDN’T have been given to all seven of them because it wouldn’t have worked. Yes, it was hard and awful and terribly sad, but at the end of the day, Raven (the teen) made a logical call, where Abby (the adult who was once the leader of these people) made one that was impulsive and emotional. I’m not saying either one was morally right or wrong, I’m just pointing shit out, guys!
Meanwhile out in the wilderness, iPadicus and the gang made it to the bunker.
Jaha gave Bellamy a speech that proved he’s a #Bellarke shipper, then they found the bunker entrance. They couldn’t open it because the episode wasn’t long enough, but then Bellamy used the Rover (LOL), and the door opened. Let’s talk about the REAL reason these two are true heroes:
NOPE. No way, nuh uh. I do NOT care what kind of perfect safe oasis awaits me, there is NO WAY I would walk through a hundred years worth of spider webs. Just count me out, human race.
Poor iPadicus. AH WELL!
Back at Polis Octavia was marching around carrying a HUMAN HEAD.
This was one of the technophobes, right? Did Octavia murder him in some back alley? Did she hack his head off by herself? Good Lord, I want an entire episode devoted to this.
Anyway, she told Roan that the flame was destroyed, so they basically have to murder EVERYBODY in order to keep everything on the up-and-up, which Octavia was obviously stoked for.
The Beautiful Creepster went back for Emori and let her know that the villain this season is the actual Earth. Now they’re on their way back to Ark Camp, which made me wonder the purpose of them leaving in the first place, but who cares because I’m so happy! Has Emori interacted with any of the Adventure Squad yet? I’m so excited.
This scene was pretty great, no matter what ship you’re sailing on. Clarke had to sit down and make the list of who gets to survive, and Eliza Taylor did an amazing job portraying how agonizing a job that would be.
Then she took a merry jaunt to the med bay where everyone they promised to help was now a corpse. Well, all except one!
Luna is better! Even her hair was poofier! Nightblood is magic! Huzzah!! This is important for many reasons (the most obvious is that perhaps they can come up with some kind of cure for radiation poisoning), but it also means that Nadia Hilker is sticking around. High-five, everyone.
So, yes, there was some circular plotting that left our Squad in the exact same spot they were before, but it’s only episode three, so that can be forgiven. Especially when they gift us with such crowd-pleasing things. I’m pumped for next week when someone inevitably finds Clarke’s list and shit hits the fan.
- Speaking of our darling, beloved Tim Bartlett, let’s just rap about this for a quick sec. This guy was sent to Earth with the original 100, survived three seasons AND is important enough to be number 97 on Clarke’s ‘who gets to live’ list… and they’ve NEVER interacted??? This is a travesty that needs to be rectified, writers. A TRAVESTY.
- “Choosing who gets to live or die is your specialty.” A very accurate, fact-based, low blow, Raven!!
- What do you guys think Riley is doing right now? Solving world hunger? Inventing a way to create water from air like in The Martian? Planning his wedding? Contacting his Dad, the God of Thunder? Tie-dying more shirts?
- Miller’s dad!! Man, this episode really was a crowd pleaser.
- Poor Roan. He is totally BFF’s with Skikru, and they just keep lying to him!
- “Still blaming yourself for killing that army?” YES, JAHA, he helped kill 300 people – that is a BAD thing. SOME people look back on their past mistakes as actual mistakes. Ugh, this guy.
- Is this show making you bloodthirsty? If you got to choose where / when / how Jaha dies, what would it be? Would you let him go out a redeemed hero (barf) or would you make him just accidentally walk off a cliff? Or eat a radiated squirrel? Or, oh, oh, oh, he could realize the pointlessness of his existence and kill himself via Mutated Gorilla?
[Originally Posted February 2017 on tv.com]