You know when you’re at an amusement park, and you wait in line for 17 hours for a ride, then you finally get ON the ride and you can’t really believe that you made it, and it’s everything you imagined it would be and more, but it’s over in about 43 seconds, and the instant you get off you immediately want to get back on, but you have to go wait in that line again?
Yeah. You feel me.
We have waited so patiently. We are CHAMPIONS of patience. Sitting by the window, watching the rain fall, doing needlepoint or some shit, yearning for the return of our beloved Adventure Squad. And now here they are before us, looking older, wiser, less bloody and gross… wonder how long that will last. *happy sigh*. HI YOU GUYS!!! Sweet baby Beelzebub, it feels good to step back into this nightmare factory of a world, doesn’t it? How are you guys doing? Is your voice raw from squealing? Are you filled with questions, and also cherry Starburst? Is there any point in the other flavours of Starburst? Honestly.
A LOT went down in the season 5 opener. We saw how Clarke met Madi, we saw the Spaceventure Squad doing their thing, we met the season 5 antagonists maybe (who knows, though), we met Clarke’s new best friend – a bird, and we saw Octavia being… I don’t know, an Emperor of some sort? I dig it.
But I know what you came here for, and it’s not my recipe for wieners and beans, so let’s photo recap!
The season began with Clarke digging her way out of some rubble and taking in the sweet, sweet, desolate sights.
Sure, she’s the last person in a lifeless wasteland, but that’s no reason to be a downer. Girl was on a mission! She had a map and everything! And she dug up a Rover! And her skin was probably SO smooth from all that sand! Living in a world with natural exfoliant pelting you wherever you go? Sounds like a dream.
T’wasn’t no thang to Clarke! She rolled up her proverbial sleeves and got straight to work.
After what looked like a LOT of fun, Clarke slowly realized that her invite to the bunker had been revoked. For real, her screaming “Mom!” into the miles of rock and debris was a bit too much for me at 6 minutes into the season, you know? Like, leave my emotions alone until at least a few episodes in. Give me time to remember what it is to feel again.
Then Clarke popped on over to Ark Camp, because apparently this show hates our feelings and wants to destroy them.
Not only did Clarke find Jasper’s fancy calligraphied suicide letter, but also his season 1 goggles, which she then WORE. I wanted to know what was in that letter SO BAD. I wanted it more than I want to eat a pogo stick while bouncing on a pogo stick (I can’t be the only one). Privacy laws only exist when you’re not the last person on the planet, Clarke! Ugh. Anyway, she radioed the Spaceventure Squad to let them know that she’s not peeved about them shooting into space on a rocket ship without her, because they did the right thing, and she’s totally cool on her own in a post-apocalyptic hellscape, totally cool, cool like the wind, never been more cool.
Then she started munching on giant bugs like she was Timon and Pumbaa.
GIRL ATE BUGS OFF THE GRILL OF HER CAR. This was a fun montage, eh guys? Drinking some sweet, sweet, radiated rainwater, feasting on delicious car-bugs, getting lots of sun, and exfoliating in a soothing sand storm. If you don’t admit you were jealous then you’re lying.
Then a jerk storm whooshed in and was all, “hahahahha Imma wreck your car!” and it did. It did wreck her car. But our girl just shrugged and was all, “whatever, I’m in a FitBit competition anyway, I need the steps, so THANK YOU, Jerk Storm!”
Then after what looked like a very restful break, Clarke was awoken by her new best friend.
But Clarke didn’t want her new best friend to go away, she just wanted like, 5 more minutes. She chased it over a huge sand hill to find… more sand, which I guess when you’re a human being who needs water and food to live, can be rather distressing.
She ain’t wrong!! Man, this was a good moment, not only because it showed off yet again what a good casting choice Eliza Taylor was, but it also reminded us that at this point Clarke should be a broken mess of a human, rocking back and forth, drooling on her own clothes and singing “This is the Song that Never Ends”. Girl has been through SO MUCH. She (and the show) needed that 6 year time jump in order to keep our protagonist sane. She deserved to live in a magical FernGully with a surrogate daughter, catching fish and dyeing their hair with berries.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
She followed the bird to FernGully, kindly thanked it for saving her life, then she shot and ate it. Hahaha, classic Clarke! Then she found a pretty swanky dwelling that looked like it used to be some kind of artist commune. Sure, she had to clean up a bit, there were a few (hundred) dead bodies here and there, but DAMN. This was a 5-Star patch of irradiated land! Go get it, girl. You deserve it!
She set herself up quite nicely, making herself the mayor AND the local radio personality. Hey man, if you have the chops, why not?
Then she saw another living human in the distance, and understandably chased after her. But, because this is The 100, and people generally bond by trying to kill each other, the little girl immediately jumped on Clarke and tried to cut her up.
It was Madi! Cuuuuuuuute. She only stopped trying to kill Clarke because she saw that she, too, was a Natblider. What fun! Then, like a total badass, Clarke stitched herself up without so much as a “yowza, that smarts”, and passed out.
When she awoke, she discovered that an adorably mussed little gremlin had stolen all her things. Hahaha, what a wily rascal Madi was! Anyway, Clarke found her fishing, and lured her into affection through her own vanity by drawing a bad ass picture of her.
And then it time-jumped to present day-ish to show us that Clarke and Madi are living a peaceful, happy, delightful life! Enjoy it while it lasts, ladies!!!
MEANWHILE IN SPACE **giggly little happy dance** (it has been SO LONG since I’ve used that segway!) the Spaceventure Squad was just chillin like anti-villains, living the space-dream.
ARE YOUR HEARTS OKAY???? Man oh man it was good to see the Squad! And they filled us in on so much info in one short conversation! Echo taught Raven to fight! Monty and Harper are still the cutest! Emori loves to spacewalk! They are FOR REAL living off algae! The radiation blocks all signals, so they’re missing out on WanHeda’s Wonderment & Radio Extravaganza! They don’t have enough fuel to get home! Everyone is still wildly attractive! Yayyyyyyyy!
Then we learned that Murphy is in self-imposed exile, for reasons I assume are related to creeping beautifully.
THIS WAS ABSOLUTE MAGIC. We have yet to discover the exact reason the Beautiful Creepster has kept to his side of the ship, but Bellamy’s theory is that he’s simply too precious a hero to be sitting around not-heroing all the time. Then Bellamy Good Will Hunting-ed the Beautiful Creepster by trying to make him say he wasn’t worthless. How are your hearts, you guys? Because mine is currently covering the walls of my apartment, post-explosion.
Anyway, they spied a curiosity in the form of another spaceship, and skedaddled to tell the others.
Aw dang! They saw the transport ship on its merry way to Earth, but it wouldn’t respond. Wonder who they could be!
Clarke gave Madi a gun, and she was all, “what’s this?” and Clarke was like, “a moral quandary”, and Madi was like, “your favourite!” Then Clarke scampered off to check out the new characters while Madi hid in a hole staring at her own portrait.
Yes! I am already so into this lady! I am very excited to learn about her many, many, sexy, grey layers.
We saw Clarke in her counting house counting out her guns and ammo, when she heard a gunshot go off.
Clarke pounced on the fellows before they could shoot Madi, and a kerfuffle ensued. If you look closely, the look on Clarke’s face said, “this feels right.”
Madi shot and killed someone! She IS Clarke’s daughter! Oh man, do you think Madi loves moral quandaries as much as Clarke? VERY excited to see how Madi evolves as a human being. Anyway, then Clarke shot and killed the other guy, even though he was maybe the nice one. Starting off on a reeeeeeeal dark note, and YOU KNOW I LOVE IT.
And now the Prisoner Peeps (I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself) know they’re not alone!!
Up in space, Monty was struggling with going back down to Earth, because Earth is the absolute worst, and everything bad that ever happened to him, happened on Earth. Fair enough, bud! You are very handsome! (OMG don’t tell him I said that)
If anything happens to either of these two, there will not be enough snark in the world, do you hear me?
YES A THOUSAND TIMES. This friendship is a bright, shining star in the darkness that lit up season 4 with its quips and compassion, and I am positively thrilled to see it develop. MORE PLEASE.
Put up your hands if you felt the glorious rumbling thunderous outrage of a legion of shippers. Bellamy and Echo!!! I dig it, obviously, for so many reasons. You put two sexy kick-ass people on a spaceship together for 6 years, OF COURSE this will happen. AHHH, the delicious baggage these two have. Remember Bellamy’s Dead Girlfriend?? Hmmm… delightful.
Then we got a glimpse of what Octavia is up to, and it is BONKERS.
BAAAHAHAHHAHA I LOVE IT. Octavia-sanctioned fighting ring? Awesome.
Well guys. That’s that. The premier episode of season 5 somehow managed to slowly reintroduce us into the world of The 100, make us feel things, catch us up with the Squad, introduce new characters, AND provide some horrible violence.
The good news is that we only have to wait a week before we get to check in with them again, and next time I presume we’ll jump on in that bunker. Is murder still Octavia’s #1 favourite thing? Was Kane and Abby’s sexual tension too electric for an enclosed space? Did Miller and Jackson start an improv troupe? I AM JUST SO EXCITED.
If I may be so bold as to get real for a quick 7 seconds – yes, this show loves a good moral quandary, and violence, and sexy times, but at its core, I believe The 100 is a love letter to human resiliency. Even though the show depicts so much (and I mean SO MUCH) strife, it also shows how our beloved Squad has made it through, not unchanged, but stronger for it. There’s a certain kind of hope that comes with a story like this, a kind of hope the world needs right now, and OKAY I’M DONE, JEEZ.
- On a scale of 1 to ‘Everything is brighter, ice cream tastes sweeter, and I have a sense of blissful euphoria that makes me feel like everything is going to be okay’ – how excited are you that The 100 is back?
- Algae vs. car bugs. Which would you choose, and why?
- For real, what was written in Jasper’s suicide note to Monty? Is it Adele lyrics? Is it sexy doodles of Marvin the Martian? Is it crayon drawings of anthropomorphic fruit holding hands? Is it something heartfelt and heartbreaking? Ugh. I need it.
- “You think you can kill me? Have at it.” – CLARKE! Don’t SAY things like that to this world! It will take you seriously!
- LOTS of callbacks to previous seasons to remind us how much these people have been through. Lexa’s throne. Jaspers everything. Clarke reminiscing about mass murder. The Ark itself. Raven exuding awesomeness.
- Speaking of Raven and her awesomeness, I cannot praise enough the decision not to “fix” her leg, even in a 6 year time jump. It would have been easy to say, “oh yeah, she scienced her leg better”, but she didn’t. She deals with the pain and the change in her physicality, and is still the absolute #1 MVP. I will never not love her, or what she’s overcome.
- ‘Member how in seasons 1-4, I whined incessantly about giving Bellamy some kind of bromance? And ‘member how in this episode, he’s clearly become a big-brother figure to the Beautiful Creepster? *sniff* IT’S LIKE CHRISTMAS MORNING.
- What’s your favourite flavour of Starburst, and if it’s not red, what happened in your life to make you this way?
[Originally Posted April 2018 on tv.com]
One thought on “The 100 “Eden” Photo Recap – Eat Up Those Apples (5.1)”
ORIGINAL POST COMMENTS:
May 17, 2018
Definitely the car bugs. As long as they’re not poisonous, they’re good protein and a lot of them actually taste okay to pretty good. You’ll get used to eating a bug, you will never get over the boredom of eating same-tasting algae once or twice a day.
And THANK YOU for coming back for season 5. I honestly don’t know whether I enjoy the show or your recaps more.
Okay, that was a lie. It’s the show.
But it’s close.
May 05, 2018
OMG!!!!!!!!!! I was sooooooo stoked to see that u are still here recappin The 100 like the pro you are.
The wait for 100 to return was unbearable, but now it is here, I just want (NEED) to see all the episodes, like NOW!!
May 02, 2018
”Who” LOOL.. Incredible premiere. Incredible work by Eliza reminescent of Elizabeth henstridge on Agents of Shield episode 4,772 Hours.
Apr 29, 2018
This was great! I loved the spaced cadets 🙂 Seeing Echo sparring with Raven was a big weight off my shoulders. The Ice Hottie has managed to not only survive but hop into bed with Bellamy. She even get’s along with Emori! That’s more then I can say for Murphy. I wonder what went wrong there? Well… don’t really care as long as he gets along with Raven. They. Are. Hilarious!
Sadly for Bellamy (aka Lady Killer) I don’t know if Echo will survive. She certainly doesn’t think so: she keeps going back to her suicide sword. Of course if I had a bad ass grounder queen that I had stabbed and knocked off a cliff waiting for me – I might be a little nervous. (And if she could see Octavia on her throne she might take Bellamy up on his suggestion to take a walk outside the Ark)
As for the blonde menace – Clarke not only survived but found “The Land that TIme Forgot” complete with a mini-me savage to raise. She is adorable. And if that wasn’t good enough, she spotted the prison ship and her most likely romantic partner – the leader of the prisoners. lets be honest; Clarke gravitates to the dangerous beauties. Poor Niylah. If she’s still alive she can kiss Clarke goodbye. Of course I could be wrong. Octavia’s stock has shot up now that she’s queen of most of the human race.
Apr 28, 2018
Yay!! You’re back!
Yellow. Yellow is my favorite and I am here to save everyone else from having to eat them. It’s a kindness I provide to the rest of the world. Also, I will always and forever be hurt that they took away my yellow Jolly Ranchers.
I cannot wait for the rest of this season.
Mama Clarke? I’ve been waiting for this side of her since psychopath Charlotte.
Bellamy and Murphy bromance? Yes, yes, yes!
Apr 27, 2018
Welcome back, always a fan of your reviews
Apr 26, 2018
It was a long wait, but we made it, folks! 🙂
The premier did not mess around.
Clark shooting the bird was all the reminder I needed about how cool this show is. I would pick shooting bird over eating bugs, too.
Clarke falling for Madi’s trap. Very dumb Clarke, that was obvious “lure” tactic. You are Wanheda, you know better!
Murphy in exile was unexpected. I mean, yeah, he’s a loner, but he had his mutant girlfriend with him, didn’t he? Picking solitude over not getting laid for 6 years? Wow, Murphy.
Bellamy and Echo are a thing now? Oh well, it was nice knowing you, Echo. Just remember what happened to all his other girlfriends. Hint: Little O is gonna slice you up like a cucumber.
The prisoner chief lady looks mean. And she has badass armor. I bet she can even stop a bullet (maybe). Can’t wait to see Clarke blowing up the ship with all the prisoners inside, because Clarke is a humanitarian 🙂
Little O is on the throne. Love it. Is that a new facepaint? That looks really good on you, O, love that color. (it’s blood isn’t it? ew)
Can’t wait for this crazy ride to continue! 🙂
Apr 26, 2018
You’re back! Awesome! 🙂
“She set herself up quite nicely, making herself the mayor AND the local radio personality. ”
“-That one time I killed your girlfriend?
LMAO. Never change, Toni, never change 😀
Apr 26, 2018
THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE BEST PART OF HAVING THE SHOW BACK. I SAID IT. &3
I was so grossed out by Clarke eating the bugs, because I thought it was poop!! I blinked and I thought a bird had pooped on the windshiled and sure, it has protein or something, so she ate it and maaaaaan, I thought she was going to puke and I can’t deal with puke.
You know what else I can’t deal with? How freaking adorable Monty and Harper are. I CANNOT DEAL. And I LOVE Raven, light of my life, forever and always. ALWAYS. I honestly don’t care about Bellamy and Echo, that shit is going to last like 4 episodes so why get my knickers in a knot? Pfft, I have better things to worry about. Like next episode. And trying not to go into panic attack mode when I watch it cause that’s totally what happened with this one, it wasn’t pretty. But I survived. The show has taught me I can do anything. *hugs the show*
Apr 26, 2018
Had to look up Timon and Puumba and they were who I thought, awesome! Those bug eating captures of Clarke had me laugh, then gag a little and then mouse scroll on quickly.
Were those water traps or something on the side of the car that Clarke tried to save?
“KAPOW” Apocalyptic child with a handgun, should be a museum work on canvas. Haha 🙂
Apr 26, 2018
They were solar panels, actually. Because in the future all cars run on solar power. Very ecofriendly, and easy to wash the blood off! 🙂
Apr 27, 2018
Need to wash it off regularly with that huge chain gun on the bonnet. 🙂
Apr 26, 2018
Is your Mother dead Clarke? Did anyone else feel like she could of used the jeep to pull some of the heavier rocks off? I guess she was out of muesli bars and had to run down some bugs for breakfast.
Always glad to see Clarke’s medical skills at work after bear [gorilla?] trap ambush, writing an inventory of the bad guys weapons complete with pictures – priceless. Do you really need a map in an apocalyptic wasteland? Polis, Ark camp and irradiated earth with occasional surprise sandstorms.
So Emori is less a misanthrope that Beautiful Creepster? Both stuck on a space station with no hi-jinx to get up to. Echo and Bellamy,… I knew there was a spark between them ever since she restrained Lovejoy from her cage and Bellamy killed him (to prevent all their blood from being scientifically sucked out of them, so you know, fair’s fair).
* Letter to human resiliency – wait, what? There is more to this show than gorillas?
* Algae diet with the odd bug snack for protein
* Dear Monty please pass this letter on to Riley
* Of course Red, the rest are just to fill out the pack.
Apr 26, 2018
“pass this on to Riley” = standing ovation
Apr 26, 2018
First of all, Red starburst? Are you insane? The Pink Starburst are the best. And secondly, I am so beyond bright lights and cotton candy rainbows, now that The 100 is back. Bless this beautiful mess and bring on all the emotional damage I am sure this season will shit right in our faces.
Apr 25, 2018
The 100 is back AND you’re back!!! Thank you, Toni, for your hilariously awesome recaps!!! Red for me…
Apr 25, 2018
All is right with the world again. So good to read your recaps again!
Apr 25, 2018
Mine favorite is definitely orange! So good to have you back, Toni! Best recaps ever!