Please, TV Gods, let me know what feat I accomplished in a past life to deserve such a gift as Red Queen. Did I help old ladies cross the street? Was I the one who discovered that the gross thing growing on old food is actually medicine? Did I invent ice cream? Whatever it was, THANK YOU, because HOLY EFFING SHEEZE, ammirght, guys??
I don’t know what to celebrate first. #Mackson? Kane and Abby’s electric sexual tension? Octavia’s kickassery? The spark between Octavia and Niylah, don’t even pretend you don’t feel it! Hmmmm… what else was there… anything of note…? Oh, that’s right!
DING DONG!!! You guys, I swear, I didn’t even bribe any of The 100 writers to make this happen (but like, if I WERE to bribe the writers… what would that look like… no reason, just asking). I’m not even mad he got a tiny redemption. I’m not even mad it made me cry (you do NOT get to judge me!) Whatever. He’s gone. Bye forever!
Okay, so, worth mentioning – this week’s recap is going to look a bit different. Why, you ask? Well, because I dropped my computer and lost my entire hard drive and it is now an empty shell and yes, I DID lose a bunch of other recaps I was working on, and some other writing and pictures, and everything is fine, I’m totally fine, I’m not currently wearing a onesie crying into my NKOTB pillow, sucking on my thumb and somehow also a popsicle. ANYWAY – I’m writing this on a borrowed computer, so it’s going to look different, and everything is fine, I’m fine.
The episode began with Octavia and Miller sparring, so 30 seconds in it was already a win. Then Indra busted in like the tough-love stage mom she is.
Ahhhhh Indra. What a pleasure it is to see you. Oh and hello there Gaya! Still somehow being the only known human in the universe who can make ‘preachy’ look awesome? Great. Good to see you.
After an exchange which suggested Gaya isn’t 100% on board with the new leadership, Indra took Octavia to a staff meeting where everyone was being snippy, and Octavia seemed immediately very over it.
But then they heard a russtlin’ from above, which we know from last week’s episode was Clarke. Man oh man, this was tough. We saw Kane and Abby try and fail to open the hatch (sorry, brotha), and we also learned that they are still on the outs because of that one time she had a fight with him in her dream and then woke up and yelled at him for it. Oh, no wait, that was me and the wombat I live with. She was was still mad that he took away her choice of whether to live or die.
What Abby SAID was, “put your damn helmet on,” but what the writers left out was, “because I’m too distracted by your unyielding sexiness that I can’t concentrate.” We feel you, Abby. We feel you.
For real, though, this was HAAAAAARD. We knew from last week that Clarke was screaming “Mom”, and at the same time Abby was screaming “Clarke!” and that hurt my chest, you guys.
Then Kane and Abby’s Sexual Tension held a super fun meeting where they informed the class about all of their impending doom.
This lady was so mad at Octavia! Maybe she ALSO had a dream about them fighting. Orrrrr her husband was kicked out of the bunker to be engulfed in a death fire. Either one. Jaha continued to smarm at them all until, in a beautifully sassy tone, Octavia told him to pitter patter and skedadder. Then the think-tank decided on half-rations in order to maintain their food supply.
I can’t wait for the inevitable “who had it worse” drinking game the Adventure Squad is going to play.
Because this show knows there’s no way to endear us to Jaha by himself, they gave him a child (remember that guy from the season 4 finale who Jaha got riled up, and then he was like, “please, man I’ve been on speaking terms with for maybe half an hour, if I don’t make it, take care of my son”). So, Jaha made good on his promise, and now he’s “Uncle Theo“, because I guess this kid can’t pronounce Thiderpiponeious. Anyway, Jaha took this opportunity to throw it in Kane’s face that his surrogate-kid is hungry.
Oh and ALSO,
#MACKSON HAS HAPPENED. I repeat, MACKSON HAS HAPPENED. Boy oh boy, that was exciting news. We needed that, you know what I mean? The world needed that. Do I wish we got to see them falling in love, or maybe their first kiss and all that? Yes, of course. Do I trust that there will be a spin-off flashback special devoted to this? Yes. I do.
Jackson’s bonding sesh with Abby was interrupted by a totally legit medical emergency.
This lady’s medical emergency was but a diversion! She locked the doors, essentially murdering everyone outside. Girl doesn’t want to give up her food! I have never felt more connected to an antagonist than this very moment. BUT my empathy was cut short when she knocked out and locked up our precious Kane and Abby’s Sexual Tension.
This lady, whose name we have learned is Kara, did not give a single sweet eff about all the medical jargon Abby was throwing at her. Abby was all, “their deaths are going to be the most horrific you could possibly imagine, just straight-up terrible, the stuff of nightmares, really,” and Kara was all, “and?” Haha, I’m gonna like this lady! Should I get attached? Should I give her a nickname? Hmmm… Karanater? We’ll workshop it.
Meanwhile, Jaha was reading to Replacement Wells and helping out everyone’s favourite traveling saleswoman (seriously, Niylah is so cool), when some Grounders busted in and roughed them up a bit. But then Octavia also busted in and roughed THEM up a bit, and temporarily forgot what show she’s on, because she was all, “No one has to die, that’s so dramatic.”
I don’t know if it’s specifically how over Jaha I am, but I just plum did not care about this relationship. Did I care about the child? Yes, I’m not a monster (mostly). But just like the charming mutated child from season 2 the show tried to use to make Jaha more likable, it only succeeded in making me like the kid. I’m sorry OKAY, but just think, this is the last recap you have to indulge me complaining about him!! YAYYYYYYYY.
HAHAHAHA, words out of his own mouth: “they have everything they need to survive… except me.” I love that he was true to his narcissism to the very end. He came up with a plan to divert the whatsit to the thing with the gadget, and Indra was like, “are you hurt?” and Jaha was all, “tis but a scratch”, and my heart was like, “don’t even dare to dream, Toni.”
Then Octavia finally found the courage to stand up to her Stage Mom.
She took off the commander costume to blend in with the grounders and get Jaha to the whatsit, and at this point you could see her step-sister Gaya’s heart warming. I LOVE THOSE TWO.
Okay, yes, fine. This was good. Jaha was right. And yes, typing that did make me physically ill. If he opened the door right then, all of Skikru, including Kane and Abby’s Sexual Tension and our precious Jackson would have died. Fine. Point Jaha. AND YES – his monologue about his actions on the Ark was apropos to this current situation, so maybe that was good advice. Look, I already said I wasn’t mad that he was awarded a sliver of redemption, so why are we still talking about this?
Meanwhile, Kane and Abby’s Sexual Tension was lighting up our tv screens and our hearts.
YESSSSSSSSSSSS raise your hand if you squealed with immeasurable delight when these two went in for their kiss, and keep that hand proudly in the air if you screamed FOR THE LOVE OF, COME ON! when they were denied it.
Outside, the grounders were lookin’ for a kerfuffle and boy oh boy did they find it.
And then Octavia murdered SO MUCH!! Oh man, that probably felt so good. It had been months since she got to murder someone.
This rando extra ain’t no fool!!!! Then they all bowed to her because WHO WOULDN’T, and she strolled into the cafeteria all, “recess is over, nerds.”
This was amazing, no? “You are Wonkru or you are the enemy of Wonkru.” I just… *stands* *claps* *brushes off crumbs before sitting back down, wheezing*
Then, as cheers erupted across the land, Jaha took his last breath.
Look, I know I’ve always been super subtle about it in my recaps, so let me be perfectly clear: I have not liked Jaha since season 1, and even then he was JUST OKAY. Am I glad he’s gone? Yes, of course. Can I maybe see the value the character brought to the plot at times? Sure, yeah. And I even tip my hat to the show for its efforts concerning his redemption. It’s not easy writing a character who NEEDS to be wildly unlikable in order to fulfil a plot, and honestly, this show did its best. They needed Jaha to be a douche with a messiah complex in order to bring about the ALIE plot. Then they needed him to be redeemed in order to find the bunker. Sure. Unfortunately there was just no coming back from the smarmy douchebaggery that the character oozed at every opportunity.
So why, then, did I cry, you ask? Well, because Jaha started talking about Wells, then Abby and Kane were sad, and even Octavia muttered “may we meet again,” and Kane did the whole ceremony thing which reminded us of season 1 when we tolerated Jaha, and it was honestly very well done, OKAY??? I have feelings too.
After witnessing the magnitude of Octavia’s awesomeness, Gaya was all, “fiiiiiiine, let’s do a makeover.”
“The blood of our enemies is your armor.” GAHHHHHHILOVEIT. I simply cannot wait to see where this friendship/sisterhood takes us. So, inspired by her new look, Octavia gathered all the wrong-doers and kindly suggested they fight to the death conclave-style. As one does.
Kara was SO into it! And she WON!! I don’t even care how implausible that is, it’s awesome, and I’m on board. This of course brings us to present day where Octavia is chilling out, watching the death-matches, munching on some popcorn, when who should be in the next group…
How are you guys even doing? How are your stress levels? Are you at peak ice cream consumption? My goodness did this episode deliver everything we have come to love about this beautiful dystopian nightmare factory. Violence, moral quandaries, quippy lines, swoon-worthy romantic pairings, makeup tutorials, strong ladies, and a major character death.
Before we wrap up, there is an issue I’d like to discuss. I said some divisive things last recap that resulted in an all-out twitter war, and it needs to be addressed. This is going to be hard to say, and very emotional, so please bear with me. *deep breath* I will concede that perhaps pink starburst ARE quite delicious, and worth eating. They are the second best starburst, after red. All the others can be thrown into the fire. DON’T @ ME.
Seriously though, a shipper war erupted in my mentions for DAYS about “Becho”, and I kind of loved it? I don’t know, guys, your passion is awesome. I will say this- while your opinions count, and you’re entitled to voice them, please remember to be kind to each other. It doesn’t matter what ship we’re sailing on, we’re all a part of the same armada and OMG I JUST CAME UP WITH THAT, someone write that down! *happy sigh*
- So I guess Wick is dead, huh?
- This show continually hurts my chest. Should I be mad? I can’t be, though. But should I be?
- Abby, what’s up with your health? You okay? Abby? You doing fine? You weren’t in the last scene, and that has me anxious. Are you the reason Kane is about to fight to the death? ABBY?
- Yes that was another Brian Adams reference, and I will never, ever stop.
- What kind of childhood do you think Ethan had being raised by Octavia? How awesome is this kid going to be? How bloodthirsty? How Grounder-thirsty? *wink*
- So Kara is not only still around 6 years later, but she’s landed herself a spot in Octavia’s Emperor’s box. What a little nymph! What should her nickname be? Karasaurus? ShitDisturbkara? Still workshopping.
- Jackson’s first name is ERIC???? Who knew this?? Was this a thing that was known?? What an adorable hero he tried to be this episode, reaching for that gun like the little toaster that could. Jackson is slowly but surely becoming a real boy, and I am PUMPED about it. It’s nothing less than Sachin Sahel deserves. #GetThoseStringsOffJackson
- Thiderpiponeious is pronounced thid-er-pip-own-ee-us. Goodbye, Jaha. May you sanctimoniously pontificate in the giant VIP podium in the sky. Please don’t try to get in on Anya and the Mountain King’s band. It’ll just be awkward when they inevitably reject you after your 7 hour speech on how important you are. Anyway, say hi to Wells and please tell him that I do NOT think he is a wiener!
- Thank you to Isaiah Washington for bringing us the character we all loved to hate.
- In the aforementioned twitter war, A LOT of you were curious about what ship I’m sailing on, and as I’ve said before – ALL OF THEM. I love them all, you guys. Will I squeal in embarrassing delight if Clarke and Bellamy eventually smush their faces together? Of course I will, that would be magic. Am I still super into the Bellamy and Echo pairing? Of course I am, Echo is awesome. Still mad about Riley (the star of the show) and the Gorilla not happening, but we don’t always get what we want.
- Have you ever lost your entire hard-drive, and how much ice cream did it take you to recover emotionally?
[Originally Posted May 2018 on tv.com]
One thought on “The 100 “Red Queen” Photo Recap – Off With Their Heads (5.2)”
ORIGINAL POST COMMENTS:
May 09, 2018
If Wick suddenly just showed up next episode he would have to explain a couple of seasons worth of decisions that kept him alive. (occams razor = he dead!)
When Kane had Cece on the Ark he was floating everyone that looked at him funny, I think it’s best Abby keep him at arms length and endure that sexual tension. Perhaps that’s part of why he’s in the latest conclave, he had too many kids and he’s repeated Octavia’s mothers mistake.
So who else is digging Kara? “We’ve got everything we need food, water, supplies…, music [grounders bang angrily and desperately on bunker door] Can we play a little louder please?” [Guitar plays louder]
I think most of all it is now a time for a moment of silence and to remember Jaha in all his gloriousness…
* Jaha with imaginary baby taking a missile to earth
* Jaha like Moses leading loyal Ark-er’s across the sand dunes.
*Jaha tossing a rock at the “City of light” solar panels.
* Jaha tossing a disciple to a sea monster.
* Jaha half goatee’d and always using Murphy’s first name intimately.
*Jaha out-crazying Pike and making him weirdly uncomfortable.
May 14, 2018
Actually it was Murphy who broke the Solar panels. Jaha-Moses Man told him to cut it the f@ck out. Such puerile behavior had no place in Jaha-Moses enlightened tribe of disciples.
That being said, I increasingly come to suspect JR was not responsible for writing that EP. At least not all of it anyways. Because had that been the case, he’d have ensured that 100% of Skai Kru would’ve followed Jaha Pied Pier Man into the desert. Only to be further culled by dropping dead of thirst/hunger in that desert. Then again by those land mines. And whatever couple hundred or so who survived, would’ve been left to die on the shores of that lake. While Jaha Moses, Murphy & his remaining ill fated Ark guard went on that memorable date with the Sea Cucumber monster….
May 08, 2018
That mutant kid you love so much is actually Finn Wolfhard from Stranger Things and IT!
May 07, 2018
Yes, thank god Jaha is finally dead! He was seriously dragging the show down imo. Great recap as always, Toni_watches!
May 06, 2018
…Who misses Whells? He was hot. And I still miss red-head dad & Wick….IS wick dead?? Are there no engineers in the bunker?? Are the grounders pulling their weight??
May 05, 2018
JAHA IS FINALLY GONE!!!!! PRAISE BE!!!!!
As son as he was dead, I thought of how happy you too would be, lol, cause his character was sooooo annoyingly smug.
I know the show has a fast pace, but when characters are just not around anymore, I wish they would tell us why, what happened etc. cause I don’t like the not knowing 😦
I hope that there will be some radiated gorillas in the up coming episodes, we need just need them (don’t care what rando story they need to use, just make it happen)
May 03, 2018
Did you notice Gaia chiding Ethan during the last scene. A much older Ethan, about Maddy’s age. I guess they will meet and I have a feeling it will mirror Clarke and Bellamy. Both from different worlds and upbringing.
May 14, 2018
Something tells me Ethan is not destined to be a celibate priest initiate like Gaia with the likes of sultry Maddy lurking around on the surface……
May 03, 2018
GIRL. You on fire.
“I love that he was true to his narcissism to the very end”. THIS. All this “oh he did it all for his people”. LIES!!! BELONEY!! I don’t know how to write beloney. Bulloney? Whatever. LIES. He did it all for himself, annoying piece of shit. I can now honestly say I love EVERYBODY in this bar!! Woohoo!!!
We found out his name was Eric last season, Toni, get on with the program!
I too, also, am an all-shipper. I’m just happy people get to be loved and love in return. I wish real life was like that. Maybe it is and I’m just living in the wrong part of the planet or something. I don’t know. It’s almost winter here and it’s cold.
Toni_watches May 03, 2018
I believe it’s bologna, for some absurd reason.
May 03, 2018
Here are some predictions for the future eps in Season 5:
1. Becho, Hannorty, Princess Mechanic, the Beautiful Creepster and his lobster claw boo will crash land in what’s left of the earth’s biosphere aka that postage stamp Jason R is apparently calling Eden. Because Jason R is a sadist and needs to claw our hearts from our chests, 1/2 of Hnnorty aka the one who does NOT have their name in the opening credits–will likely die. Since after all, it is now apparent JR murdered Wick aka the last SkaiKru engineer–very quietly off camera since S2.
2. History repeats itself. Our narcoleptic prone, space faring Eligus space pirates aka Space Cadet Kru who formerly invaded so innocuously landed in Eden in EP #1, are in for a nasty surprise. More specifically, anticipate them being subjected to Guerilla Warfare on Earth–after some 96 + 5 years of oblivious hibernation in LEO of deep space–to be especially disorienting. Particularly since it is being waged by a medically altered, Night Bleda/Hedda wannabe. And her equally terrifying, 10yr old, genetically engineered Night Bleda from Hell protegee. The former who is on a mission to save her ppl. The latter who is hell bent on impressing the former by any means necessary.
3. Rest assured that Clarke will eventually end up springing The Red Queen and her feral progeny brood from the pit of Hell by ep 15. Clarke will do this because she is an annoyingly predictable Mary Sue.
4. And when #3 happens,, that last, postage stamp sized plot of remaining biosphere called Eden will be transformed into Hell. Because the Morloks will make it so. You see because:
You are either with Wonkru. Or against Wonkru. Choose.
5. If I were more emphatic toward my fellow man, I’d time travel. Directly into ep 16 aka the Finale of Season 5. And tell that hot looking Eligus commander chick to turn around. Gather what’s left of her clueless Eloi Space Cadet Kru. Head back to the sanctuary of their ship. Seal the airlock of said ship. Engage the rocket thrusters and GTFO of Eden before its too late……
May 07, 2018
Whoah, cool “Time Machine” references – your sci-fi hem is showing 🙂 . Amused that we are talking about armed, military tooled up, violent offending, hardened, space “Eloi”, but before they go though, I do want to see that giant space gun get off a shot (special effect) or two, hopefully (but not necessarily) on some red shirt.
May 03, 2018
Top 3 best ever The 100 WHAT. THE. FUCK. YOU. RULE.
#3. Jaha: “On the Ark, we made Death the enemy. That’s how we survived. Anyone who did anything to push us closer to Death—was eliminated. You hate me because I floated your Mother. But when she broke the law, she pushed us closer to death. So she made herself the enemy……so now you know what it takes to lead.”
#2. Clarke: “You may be the Chancellor, but I’m in charge.”
#1. Octavia: “You’re Wonkru. Or you’re the enemy of Wonkru. Chose”.
Yes. #3 was 100% pure Jaha (sans Moses stick) in it’s entirety. No matter how much TJ managed to drive me bat shite insane since Season 1, he really managed to redeem himself before kicking the bucket. I’ll always respect what he did to turn Octavia into the leader she needed to be for Wonkru.
May 02, 2018
1. I think this is the most Mackson we have gotten in a single episode and I am here for it.
2. Octavia’s “choose” fight is ICONIC.
3. One What-the-Fuck moment: So at the beginning of the episode when everyone was like “What shall the punishment be?” And Octavia was all like “For stealing blankets? Give back the blankets?” I thought that was so perfect. I screamed. But then, please correct me if I’m wrong but the blanket thieves were in the KILLING ARENA? With the people who attempted the coup? Wtf? Did they not give back the blankets?
Please tell me if I’m wrong about that last part. But I swear there was a line in there indicating the blanket thieves were in that first Hunger Games arena.
johnbakernes ay 05, 2018
I think they were in there too! Seems that a fight to the death is a tad severe but… in the old days they’d cut off a hand for thievery and on the Arc they’d flat float you. At least this way you got a shot.
May 03, 2018
The only way to insure absolute rule was to set an example by showing no favours. All are guilty must pay in blood one way or the other.
mellafe May 03, 2018
Octavia’s fight really reminded me of River Tam’s scene in Serenity. EPIC.
Toni_watches May 03, 2018
Yup. Blanket thieves and all! Bonkers.
May 02, 2018
Im interested in the Gaia and Octavia relationship. As ‘sisters’ its something Octavia hasn’t known..If they become close the conflict between that relationship and Bellamy and Octavia’s is one im really looking forward to seeing. The way they are setting up the new allegiances and how these are going to clash is incredible..Remember its 6 years,,Despite everything they went through most of the 100 only knew each other for a year. Even Octavia and Bellamy have now spent more time apart then they have together.
May 03, 2018
Well I wouldn’t go that far. Bellamy and Octavia spent 16 years together in a cramped apartment with their mother on the Arc. However Octavia truly came into her own without Bellamy and so did he. In order for them to truly find who they are they needed to let go of each other.
May 05, 2018
Absolutely. The time away has gotten Bellamy to remove the stick up his butt. Or maybe Echo just pulled it out, we may never know. Octavia has gone and turned into The 100’s answer to Darth Vader.
May 02, 2018
Hey Toni! Thanks for the recaps and Bryan Adams references. I just wanted to offer my condolences about the hard drive. I also lost my entire hard drive once and it was devastating. But after I went to the Apple Store and confirmed for certain that my data was never, ever coming back, it was actually kind of liberating. I hope you will find acceptance and eventually be able to embrace the experience. A fresh hard drive is a rebirth. Life is suffering, cast off your ties to the material world, etc. Namaste.
Toni_watches May 03, 2018
Thank you. I’m already trying to recompile my music playlist….
May 05, 2018
I’ve lost it all too. Now I have a portable hard drive as well. I got back about 90% of what I lost but now it won’t happen again!