Somebody better clean the fan, you guys, because there is poop ALL OVER IT. The amount of mess-uppery happening in this week’s The 100 was pure upsetting delight. So much went wrong! Almost nothing worked out! Hahahahahhahhaha x infinity, do I ever love it.
Sic Semper Tyrannis was basically a big ol’ middle finger to all their scheming. Isn’t it cute when they make plans? It’s like when a first-year university student signs up for a Friday morning class, and they’re like, “no worries, I’ll totally go,” and you just laaaaaaaugh, because no they won’t.
Season 5 has been less “holy shit WT EFFFFFF” than its predecessors, and I ain’t mad. The first half of this season was a reintroduction. It was a slow burn of character growth and tensions, all stewing in a huge crock-pot of uncomfortable simmering despair, but like… in a fun way? But now, whooooooolordy, we’re cookin’ with gas. The back half of each season has traditionally been a rocketship (sometimes literally!) barreling straight for all sorts of horribleness, and this season seems to be no different.
Best buckle up, pals, because there is a bomb on this bus, and I don’t think we’ll be going under 50mph any time soon.
McCreary came in all, “how’s the cure going”, and they so awkwardly avoided the topic that it felt like that time my skirt was tucked in my underwear and no one on my figure skating team wanted to tell me. But he bought it! Mainly because the dreamiest psychopath this side of the cryo-chamber waltzed in all, “hands off ma lady.”
Vinson (yes, I’m spelling his name correctly now, and it hurts me) giving Abby a pep talk about murder was the best, and made me hug myself. Diyoza wants her to hold off on treating McCreary until he conveniently dies, which I thiiiiiink is against the doctor’s oath, but whatever, he’s mean.
Meanwhile, the Spaceventure Squad was brainstorming ways to solve all the problems. Echo was still pro-killing-Nice-Cop, and EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, including Raven, was against it.
Instead, the Beautiful Creepster sicced himself on some unsuspecting doofs, and they started fighting.
Bellamy and Indra brought Madi in to see Clarke, and Clarke was all, “goodbye my sweet darl-” and everyone was like, “you’re not going to die, you fool,” and Bellamy filled her in on the plan, like an adorable idiot.
Bellamy visited his sister and was like, “ohhhhh nooo… um, what happened? This is a mystery for the ages, I can’t even guess.” And Indra was all, “uuuugggghhhh, who even knows, right? No one. And no one ever will. Welp, better switch up our power structures, huh?” Jackson (hi Jackson!) was like, “yep, looks like,” but Niylah (hi Niylah!), and Miller (*frown*), were 100% unfooled.
C’MON MILLER! They were maybe close to accepting the deal, but then Miller piped up, calling Indra out on maybe not being Octavia’s bestie anymore. What hurts the most is that he is utilizing his signature sass. I LOVE his signature sass! But I don’t love that his stomach is so full of Wonkru kool-aid. Ugh, my heart is confused. Anyway, nothing was accomplished and the war is still on.
He’s going to make Madi the commander! This did NOT go over well with Clarke, who explicitly told him NOT to let that happen, so she was understandably very disappointed in him.
The Beautiful Creepster told McCreary about the cure, and he was upSET.
Spaceventure Squad decided to hightail it outta there, with one notable addition.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES. He basically gave her his letterman’s jacket, you guys. He essentially got on one knee and presented her with one of those cheesy promise rings from the 90s. Raven invited him on their adventure, and he was like, “yeah, obviously, but I care about your safety, so no?” But then he said yes because you don’t say no to Raven, and then THIS HAPPENED:
WHAT EVEN IS THAT???? You guys seriously, when was the last time we saw Raven smile for real? Lindsay Morgan deserves to be a statue in Rome or something, that girl is so radiant. *content sigh*
The relationship between Indra and Gaya has always been so electric and compelling. It’s been six years, and they’re still picking at the old wounds that originally hurt their relationship. I would watch a spin-off of these two teaming up to fight crime, with maybe a psychic dog or something who always has to break up their squabbles.
Anyway, Indra told Gaya to make Madi the commander, and true to her word, Gaya said she wouldn’t force it on her. You guys, remember at the beginning of the season when we were like, “Is Gaya scary? Is she a sociopath? Is she the best/worst?” I think we have our answer. She’s far more human and compassionate than I originally thought, which makes her even more badass.
Madi was (of course) on board, because what pre-teen WOULDN’T say yes to a dangerous situation when told her mother-figure would be brutally murdered if she didn’t. “Hey kid, wanna put yourself in danger to stop a war and save your mom?” – “Naw, I’m good.” Look guys, I get it, they think this is the only way to unite Wonkru for suresies and make sure the peace deal is taken. But let’s not pretend this wasn’t 100% emotional manipulation of a child.
Octavia woke up! And Jackson (hi Jackson!) was like, “yayyyyyy!” and Indra was like, “aw nuts,” and she threw a knife into a man’s skull and knocked Jackson (bye Jackson!) out.
Diyoza and McCreary were fighting about the cure when the Beautiful Creepster hilariously threw a rock into the forming crowd, which was enough to entice a murderous kerfuffle. Errrrrrrrbody falling for manipulation this episode!
Then Kane came bursting in and everyone had to pause to swoon before he told them about the peace deal that Bellarke had come to with Diyoza… the woman currently fighting for her life in the murderous kerfuffle they caused.
HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA the look on all their faces when they realized how badly they screwed up was priceless. I mean, it WAS a good plan, had there actually been a war coming. Thin out the enemy? Sure! Why not! Escape unscathed while the enemy fights itself to death? Easy breezy! Let the enemy kill the one person who could be an ally? Ummmmm….
I love it.
You know what else I love? “It’s Abby. I have to.” Oh Beautiful Creepster, you lovable heroic scoundrel. I had forgotten about HIS special bond with Abby. Jeepers, Abby sure does have a lot of special bonds with young adults. Who’s next, do you think? Obviously Vinson is her new bestie, but like, do you think there’s room for Emori? Has Abby even met her surrogate grandchild?
Oh no! McCreary and his peeps busted in and manhandled Abby, scooping her right up, and then he and Diyoza kerfuffled SO HARD. She told him about the baby, and in his moment of hesitation she glass-knifed him in the throat. But I mean… what couple HASN’T gone through this, right?
Because Clarke couldn’t be out of the action for too long, Niylah came in and set her free.
HAHAHAHAH Niylah! So cool, but not exactly a strategic thinker. She basically laid it out for Clarke that Octavia needed to die for Madi to be safe, then was SHOCKED when Clarke vamoosed.
This was intense!!! Remember when Octavia was just a plucky “grounder pounder (LOL)” and Indra coached her into a leading lady? Ugh. This hurt my heart.
FINALLY, a Clarke/Octavia team-up! Has this ever happened??? Octavia was all, “let’s stop this shit,” and then they did a jumping high-five. I know this boss-ass-lady-alliance was for but a moment, but these two scheming together lit my heart aflame.
Madi was given the flame! She’s the Commander now!!! That escalated so fast! Then Miller (*frown*) busted in and was all, “I’m the worst right now!” and Bellamy was like, “well this is a pickle,” and Clarke came in hot on his heels and slapped a hunk UP, then Octavia marched in and was like, “my voice is even lower than normal so you KNOW this shit is serious.”
They couldn’t get the flame out of Madi without it killing her, so Octavia told Clarke and Madi to scamper while she went ahead and arrested her best friend, her step-sister-cult-leader, and her brother. WHAT A DAY!
Ohhhhhh boy! You know how much I love it when the antagonist of the season becomes the reluctant ally of the Squad in order to defeat an even worse antagonist, and it has HAPPENED! Diyoza is now on the run with Kane and the Squad, and I couldn’t be happier. Now McCreary is in charge of the Valley, and is the general worst. Like… relax, guy, we get it.
Madi woke up! And she has all the memories of the Commanders! And that is hilarious for a very obvious reason! It was cool, though, when she made that guy bow before her. Less cool when Clarke SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
This is the second person we’ve seen her unflinchingly murder, despite evidence of their peaceful, fun-loving natures. THREE if you count the bird! Clarke is a changed woman. “The head and the heart” has flippity flopped, and now Bellamy is the one making decisions based on calculated strategy, while Clarke is allowing her emotions to make all her decisions. She is protecting Madi at all costs – ALL the damn costs. Like, it’s so expensive, protecting Madi. *sigh* And as we all know, sometimes things are done and said when you’re in a high emotional state that you don’t necessarily mean. Like massacring a peaceful village, or 300 soldiers, or hanging your future-bro, or telling your roommate that you hate her Precious Moments figurines. We’re just not used to seeing Clarke make emotional decisions. So of course it was jarring when Madi was all, “our pals are for sure going to die,” and Clarke was all, “AND??” and then vamoosed.
The episode closed out on Octavia dissing Madi to everyone who would listen, then basically sentencing all her loved ones to death.
Emotions!!! Those are actual emotions on her face!!! This is HUGE!
Oh man. Sooooo, just to sum-up; the Valley and Abby have been taken by McCreary and his prison peeps, Diyoza is injured and on the run with the Spaceventure Squad through a forest, Raven and Nice Cop have taken a journey to flirt-town, Madi is now the Commander and will probably start punning soon, her and Clarke are on the run, while Bellamy, Gaya and Indra face either execution or a fight-to-the-death, and Octavia may or may not still have human emotions.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS SHOW.
I love the absolute shit storm continually proves to be. Just a consistent, delightful mess. No one wants to watch a show about things going right. No one wants to tune in and see our beloved characters making perfect, rational decisions. No one wants a show where the quips aren’t quippy, and the horror isn’t GODDAMN HORRIFYING.
The 100 is about turmoil, about a world where the characters don’t have the luxury of pro and con lists, where they have to make quick decisions that either save or take lives.
That’s why we tune in. That, and the hugs.
- Yes, that was a Speed reference at the beginning, and yes, I did google, “what was the speed in Speed?”
- More hints about the Dark Year!! So Octavia got them through it. What are we thinking? I assume cannibalism is still the #1 theory, but what else have you guys got? Did they run out of red starburst? Did all the dudes start sporting rat-tails, thinking it was retro-trendy? Did a wave of mono sweep the bunker due to all the smoochin’?
- “This is my masterpiece.” hahahahahahha Beautiful Creepster, you little psycho.
- Have you ever gotten so mad at someone you left them for dead? No, um.. *clears throat*, me either.
- Does anyone else feel like the tension between Echo and Raven feels a little bit like two exes? JUST ME?? It can’t be just me. There were 3 years before Becho.
- Characters on this show are often like, “this is the only way”, which makes me think that instead of Earth Skills, they should have taught Brainstorming.
- What’s Ethan up to? Do you think he’s upset that the officiates weren’t even considered for ascension? Do you think he’s writing a strongly worded letter about nepotism?
- I’m a little confused about how that fellow Clarke shot was a threat. Did she not trust he would be loyal to Madi? Did she think that ANYONE being loyal to Madi would make her an even bigger target? I mean, at this point the jig is up, you know what I mean? Octavia already ordered her murder. It’s not like you can make her want to murder her MORE. I’m not mad, just confused. And a little mad. And hungry.
- Did you ever go to your Friday morning classes? Yeahhhhh, hahaha, me either.
[Originally Posted July 2018 on tv.com]