Excuse me, but I need a minute or seventeen or calm the sweet heck down, and make my heart stop trying to palpitate its way to Mars. THE ANXIETY that came with fearing for the Beautiful Creepster’s life was off the charts (and the chart is SO BIG!).
Please don’t take him from us, The 100, I will bend the knee, I will take you to whatever macguffin you want, I will show you all my memories (there will be a lot of singing into a mirror, love me for me), I will give up ice crea- … um, broccoli. Just PLEASE don’t kill our beautifully creepy cockroach-turned-hero.
“He was barely in danger,” I hear you say? “He’s been through a lot worse!”
Yes. He has been through SO MUCH, but never before have they hammed up his transformation, never before have they put his relationships front and centre, never have they dangled his glorious heart in our faces and gone, “ohhhhh maaaaaan, wouldn’t it be just a shame if he died horribly????? *wink*” STOP WINKING, The 100! You stop it!
Meanwhile the Bardo Plot (the Plardo, if you will), was emotional and heartbreaking, and (at long last), brought our two stories crashing together.
The episode began with the Beautiful Creepster and Emori kneeling to Sheid and winking to the camera (in this instance, I will allow the winking), all, “no yeah, of course, for sure, hashtag Team Sheid, tee hee.” Then they walked off and gave Nelson/Sachin the ol’ “It’s no big deal, see ya later alligator,” but he had no intention of seeing them in a while crocodile.
Nelchin refused to kneel to yet another false God, which honestly, fair enough! That was the Kids of Gabe’s whole deal. They spent their lives trying to dismantle the false-god system in their home, so they weren’t about to just accept another one. Naturally, Shied went ahead and massacred them, as one (an evil dictator) does. At least he left the actual character for last, giving him a chance to go out with a battle-cry. This was a noble The 100 death, Lee Majdoub, you should be proud.
It should be noted that Nikki and her ‘thieves and murderers’ did not give a hoot about the moral implications of kneeling to an evil dictator. She just really REALLY wanted to be a lackey, and perhaps get a gold star for leaning into her natural talents (being a jerk-face).
Bellamy tried to ‘test’ Call Me Bill by offering condolences over his dead lackey, but Call Me Bill would NOT be caught having feelings, unlessssssssss there was the slightest mention of his family / their betrayal, and then all emotional bets are OFF. Bellamy, unbothered by the hypocrisy in this, offered to find the broken Flame and control-alt-delete it back to functionality (and in return hopefully save his pals).
Bellamy’s non-reunion with Raven and Echo was less than warm, considering he was there to get information about the flame, and not to, you know, hug for five hours straight. The fact that Raven finally got some recognition as one of his best friends as she walked out and said, “so much for family,” made me actually say out loud, “RIGHT?!?!?!” He sent Raven to get her memory assaulted while he had a chat with his girlfriend that boiled down to Echo being like, “seriously?” and Bellamy being all, “Yeah, seriously,” and Echo being all, “No but seriously seriously?” And Bellamy nodding all stoically like, “seriously.”
Sheid was still pretty concerned over the missing twelve-year-old who might challenge his rule, so he started flipping through her diary (RUDE). He saw the anomal-stone and was like, “ahhhhhh, THAT’S the A-plot, bring it to me immediately! I become a grumpy-pants if I’m not the centre of attention.”
It was also at this point that they mentioned the main characters, and “Indra’s daughter Gaia,” and Sheid was all, “Well I want to know where in the heck she is,” and the entire universe was like, “You and me both, Shied!”
Whoopsie! Madi’s little friend escaped the hail of bullets and just sort of laid down, making it possible for Indra to scoop him up and bring him to everyone’s favourite beautifully creepy hero.
Show, I swear to all the TV Gods, DON’T YOU DARE.
They were interrupted by the baddest of asses who brought Madi’s adorable lil’ Gabe’s Kid pal, and then was all, “what you’re doing is for sure 100% no doubt going to get you killed, keep up the good work,” then bounced. I cannot express enough how much I love Indra and all of her relationships.
Nikki followed Indra, then threatened the Beautiful Creepster’s life in order to get him to open the reactor door. She saw all the adorable little rebel refugees, but more importantly, Madi, before Emori knocked her the heck out (show, if you’re pulling a bait-and-switch and will instead kill Emori, I would like to invite you to NOT).
This scene was positively beautiful, and both of these actors brought it, and I want to awkwardly snuggle myself into the middle of that hug. It was wholly separate from the rest of the plot, like the scene existed in a sort of plot-bubble, and that is not a complaint. Grief does that, doesn’t it? It separates you, makes you forget that the rest of the world is still turning. Plus, Hope and Jordan existing outside of all the bullshit happening around them feels right.
It… was not.
After an awesome bonding moment where Octavia was like, “I stole your recycled backstory about a found family, hope you’re not mad,” and Clarke was like, “you’re welcome to it,” Bellamy waltzed in and broke their (and our) hearts. He was all, “I shall now tell you everything and explain exactly what happened to me, so that you may understand my motivations, and can be satisfied with this abrupt character turn,” then he handed them a USB with the previous episode on it, and they were like, “oh, I really thought there would be some NEW information in this explanation,” and he was all, “haha, why?” DID BELLAMY NOT SEE ANYTHING IN HIS VISION?? Was it seriously just a nice feeling and then the storm stopped? Was that IT?? There was no secret vision we’re not privy to? Or is he holding back? Or is he playing the long con? I just don’t know!
After a very emotional logic-off, Bellamy sent yet another OG Adventure Gal to be mind-tortured, then got a lil’ pep talk from his slow burn.
Meanwhile in Sanctum…
The Beautiful Creepster talked Nikki down by saying that her husband wouldn’t be doing what she is currently doing, and it was nice and sweet to remember our melted Clyde (miss you!), but LOL forever at Murphy thinking this would work. Like, Clyde also didn’t want to murder everyone in a bank, but that’s what went down!
She was all, “no yeah, I’m cool, I’m cool,” but girl was still wiggling on those ropes to get her hands free, so we shall see!
Awwwww maaaaaan, I was looking forward to some Clarke-home-movies! Especially if they led to some certain radio calls that a certain foxy lady made for SIX YEARS STRAIGHT. Alas, Clarke fought them off so hard that her brain started fritzing, and they had to stop. Then she was like, “I will for sure lead you to the thing or whatever, no take-backsies, pinky swear, if you let my pals go,” and Call Me Bill was like, “fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”
Haaaaaaahahahhahahahahhahahhahahha I’m in love. Sheid had them make him a THRONE OF BONES, hee hee hee, delightful. The symbolism of sitting on the bones of past ‘Gods’ is pretty great. Do I wish we had a bit more insight as to why Sheid is the way he is? Yeahhhhhhhh, he’s a bit of a caricature, to be honest. That being said, do I love that he has a THRONE OF BONES?? Hahahhhahaha, yes, always and forever.
But that wasn’t all! Captain Grounder was like, “I have also brought the A-Plot to you!” and rolled the intergalactic subway stop into the throne room like a fancy art installation that everyone will pretend to ‘get’.
So many parallel lives happening in this episode! Madi / this guy, Hope / Jordan, Octavia / Clarke, and I was loving it! Shared experience is how we connect with others, and this episode brought us so much empathy.
Madi let her little traumatized pal know that she, too, saw everyone she knew and loved die a horrific death, and then he ate some bread! For real, though, how much do I LOVE that Madi has herself some lil’ friends!!! I want a sequel series based on Madi and her pals going on intergalactic adventures with (a somehow immortal) Picasso. Who do I call? The CW?
All the adorableness (Murphy and Emori were FLIRTING, after all this time!) was interrupted by a visit from their local evil dictator, who was like, “OMG are you guys having a party without me??” and Murphy was all, “Whaaaaaaaaa? Noooooooooo!” And Sheid was like, “Then why do I smell popcorn???” and the jig was up. It was at this point that I was 100% convinced we were about to lose the Beautiful Creepster. I thought Sheid was going to kill him right then are there, and now my jaw is accidentally fused together because I was CLENCHING SO HARD. Sweet lollipops that was tense.
Emori was like, “hurt my beautifully creepy life partner and I will blow us all up, and then NO ONE gets popcorn.” And Sheid was like, “uuuuuuuggggggggghhhhh, whatever, I don’t even like popcorn,” which was a total lie because everyone loves popcorn, but then he took Murphy and skedaddled anyway.
Clarke’s deal with Call Me Bill played out, but he didn’t send them back to Sanctum (gasp?), instead he sent them to a mystery planet (Earth), where they will wait (on Earth) with whomever may be there (Gaia) until Clarke produces the flame and brings them all back from wherever they are (Earth). Oh, and he kept Raven and Gabe on Bardo because
they haven’t gotten enough screen time this season they’re smart.
Sidenote – Miller giving Clarke a “You good with this?” before complying made my heart burst. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!
Clarke returned to Sanctum with a bunch of Bardonites in tow, and Murphy was all, “don’t even get me staaaaaaaaarted,” (and his look of relief at the sight of her made my heart glow). I’m super confused about time stuff, but you know what? I trust the writers. If they say the time stuff makes sense, then I believe it makes sense (on my final math exam my teacher just drew a stern face and said, ‘maybe go into the arts’, so).
Adventure Squad The New Class is going to wherever the heck Gaia is, right? RIGHT??? By the time we see them again, they will all have inside jokes and a fun secret handshake, right?? Will Gaia still be blonde? Will they have bleach on whatever planet they’re on (Earth)? (It’s gotta be Earth, right?) (Do you think????) I mean, they needed their helmets for the memory loss, so presumably where they were going had a time difference. Unless the jet-lag prevention was just for show, for Clarke’s benefit? GAH, I don’t knowwwwww!
And I love that I don’t know. I love that this show keeps me guessing. I love that I’m always excited for the next episode so I can find out what in the absolute heck is going to happen to our beloved Adventure Squad.
Something I haven’t been praising enough this season is the focus on our character’s mental and emotional states, and their relationships. There’s a lot of healing going on lately, and I am ABOUT IT. Yes, there was a heart-shaped hole in most of the season, but it allowed other relationships to take centre stage and develop, and it hasn’t gone unappreciated.
- Can Octavia mourn Diyoza please??
- When they carted Gabe off to jail for being a wily traitor, all I could think was, “I hope to Dolly that they’ve given that boy some snacks.”
- Dear Google Docs, please stop correcting Sheid to Shield, and Anomal- to animal. Sincerely, a frustrated recapper who doesn’t always use real words.
- Not even a look between Bellamy and Miller?? The NERVE.
- Levitt didn’t come to say goodbye to his one true love??? Boy, you can’t STILL be mad about that time she left you tied to a chair after getting beaten by her pal. That was like TWO WHOLE episodes ago!
- TREY is still alive??? Trey!?! And he wants to kneel?? Ugh, he’s gonna be trouble, I just know it. If he somehow ends up hurting Murphy’s adorable dad-best-friend, I will be VERY ANNOYED.
- “Cave, garage, with you all of them are castles.” Don’t you DARE, show!
- How do we think Gaia is surviving on Earth? Has it been long enough that FernGully has regrown, or is she eating those Tremors worms?
- Indra being proud of Murphy was everything my heart needed.
- Hope’s monologue was honestly just so well done, both with writing and acting. High-fives all around. It managed to justify her blood lust (her hesitation cost Dev’s life), and it conveyed her deep, heart-wrenching grief. It’s sometimes easy to forget how stunted Hope’s emotional development was, and how it affects her actions as an adult. A friendship with Jordan will be most welcome – more please!
- “Okay, yes, we’ve seen our share of crazy, but that doesn’t change the fact that fighting some war to become ‘the light’ is as ridiculous as the clothes you’re wearing.” Ha! Clarke pointing out that comparing this crazy to past crazy does not a compelling argument make was awesome, BUT GIRL, let’s not hate on Bellamy in a fancy dress, because I’m not mad about that.
- Those radio calls from the beginning of season 5 are kinda like Wilson’s face in Home Improvement – you know it exists, but you’re dreamin’ if you think you’ll ever see it. When the anomaly started spitting out transmissions last season, I was like, “GASP! Did it suck up transmissions from all over the galaxy, and could perhaps include the radio calls???” But nope. Then when we knew Clarke was going in M-Cap, I thought, “This is it. The sun will shine on those radio calls.” NOPE!
- So the anomal-stones can just be moved?? I thought they had to follow lay-lines or energy patterns or humidity scales or good lighting or something. If they can be put wherever the heck anyone wants, then why on not-EARTH is the one in Etherea atop a perilous mountain??
- I miss Diyoza.
- “Keep your voice down, they’re listening,” leaves the door open for the possibility that Bellamy is being a big fake faker, but I don’t knowwwwwwwwww, I don’t think they’ll pull that twice.
- Soup is the real star of season 7.
- There were a lot of good guesses for this week’s JOKES FROM THE PAAAAAAST, but the winner is Abe_Morgan_, for noticing some familiar dialogue between the other Bellamy-centric romance that the show set up and never followed through on:
(Please ignore the non-Toni font, I was doing another show at the time and forgot to change it, gah, how embarrassing!)
OKAY THANKS FOR COMING PLEASE REMEMBER TO FOLLOW YOUR HEARTS AND ALSO WASH YOUR HANDS A LOT, STAY SAFE OUT THERE!